Don't Say Sara
by K.C.Dragonfly
Summary: Don't say her name 'cause things ain't like before ... she's not my girl no more. Eventual Cara. Title is based on a song by Wave
1. Unbearable

**Disclaimer: Don't own, don't make money from etc  
**

**New story :) This chapter is based heavily on the episode Unbearable (s5e14)  
**

**There are a lot of unanswered questions here, but they will all be answered ... all in good time :P  
**

**Leave a review, let me know what you think :)  
**

**x x x x**

"You started without me?"

"Actually, I finished without you." Sara released a heavy sigh. "Take a look."

Greg peered over her shoulder into the trunk of the car. "Carpet's black. Fibres on the vic's clothing were red." He conceded, realising the reason for her despondent tone.

"Obviously we can rule out this car." She hummed, staring forlornly into the trunk.

Greg sent her a sideways glance, pursing his lips for a moment.

"I don't mean to pry," he started carefully, "but … you want to talk about what happened with you and Ecklie?"

Sara levelled her gaze at him as she answered coolly. "Not really."

The young CSI, however, was persistent.

"I don't know if you noticed but I'm a good listener." He flashed her a warm grin, drawing a smile from the cagey brunette. Despite her every instinct telling her to hold her tongue, she just couldn't help falling for his big puppy-dog eyes. She released a breath, blowing a strand of hair out of her eyes.

"I … blew up at Ecklie." She stated. "It was very unprofessional – and very satisfying. And now we're moving on." He offered a half-shrug, smiling at her forthrightness; although slightly disappointed that the story hadn't ended with her and Catherine working out their differences in a more amicable way…

"Thanks for asking." Sara added, breaking his thoughts. They shared a small smile before she rolled her eyes at his uncanny ability to tease information from her and slammed the trunk shut.

X x x

Okay, so there was more to the story than she had let on, but he had only asked about Ecklie.

If he had asked about Catherine, that would have been a whole other can of worms. And it was one that she intended to keep securely shut.

Although it seemed today that the God's of fate were plotting against her; for as she made her way down the hallway her heart sank to see Grissom and Sofia leaning over a table, heads bent conspiratorially. Before she even reached the door, she could hear their jovial chortling.

Now, Sara didn't like the blonde former-day's CSI at the best of times. But she had a particular issue with working with her today, of all days.

For only Sofia knew exactly why Sara had blown up at Catherine. And she was not averse to bringing to subject up, despite the brunette making it exceptionally clear that she did not want to discuss it.

Taking a deep breath, Sara steeled herself in the threshold for a moment before clearing her throat softly.

"DNA from, uh Laurie's shirt came back. It matches her husband."

"That could be probative." Sofia hummed, giving Sara a once over as she spoke.

"Or casual transfer unrelated to the case." Grissom added. Sara pursed her lips, opting not to offer a theory of her own. Instead, she presented a sheath of papers to her supervisor.

"I also picked up your trace results."

He scanned the top sheet, his eyebrow quirking in interest.

"Baby powder on Laurie's palms is consistent with the baby powder we found at the Kyman's residence."

"According to the girlfriend Laurie washed her hands at the club." Sara said, studiously avoiding Sofia's gaze at the mention of the g-word.

She could feel those inquisitive blue eyes on her throughout the entirety of the subsequent conversation, although if Grissom noticed then he didn't let on as he continued to blithely poke holes in Sofia's theory regarding the husband.

Clearing her throat, Sara finally voiced her own idea of events.

"Maybe Laurie came home, she and Mark had a fight. Maybe she found out he was fooling around – again." Her voice became strained as her theory overlapped into a memory, all the while still feeling Sofia's gaze burning into her skin. "She takes off, drives around. Tyre eventually goes flat, she pulled over to the side of the road and a stranger comes along and abducts her."

"A stranger driving a Bentley?" Sofia quirked an eyebrow, softening her voice.

"Hey," Grissom chastised, oblivious to the atmosphere between the women. "The rich are just as deviant as the poor."

X x x

Catherine inhaled sharply, recoiling from the screen.

"They're called 'Canned Hunts'." Nick explained sadly as the Rhino snorted and yelped in agony on the monitor. "Going on all over the country."

For the tenth time tonight, she thanked the lord that Sara had not gotten this case.

The only thing that upset Sara more than domestic abuse was animal abuse.

And this was, without a doubt, abuse.

Also for the tenth time tonight, Cath found her thoughts wandering back to the woman. It seemed the more Sara tried to avoid her, the more desperately Catherine wanted to speak to her.

Shaking the distracting thoughts away, she focused her tear-filled eyes back on the Rhino as it lurched helplessly in circles before collapsing to the ground with a resigned grunt.

X x x

Sara rapped her knuckles softly on the door, not waiting for an invite before wandering into the office.

"Hey." She greeted smoothly. "Oh, filling out reports."

"They tell me it's my job." Grissom rolled his eyes, dropping his pen onto the stack of forms. She smiled, taking a seat opposite as he fixed her with a curious look. "You doing okay?"

Her smile turned tight and she gritted her teeth, but after a few second's contemplation she nodded.

"Yeah. Thanks." His concern was touching, but he just wouldn't understand the truth.  
He scrutinised her for a long moment, waiting to see if she was going to offer anything else. When his unwavering gaze started to get unnerving, she changed the subject back to the case.

She knew that her colleagues were confused by her behaviour, and with the exception of Sofia they probably all though it had something to do with her recent suspension.

Truth was, her life went to hell two weeks before her run in with Catherine and Ecklie.

X x x

"If you added up every cent I've ever made my entire life, I still wouldn't be able to afford half this car." Greg moped as the women sidled up to either side of him.

After suitably raining on Greg's parade about the downsides of owning a luxury car – like she'd ever actually know what that felt like – Sara moved around to the trunk in an attempt to put more distance between herself and her colleagues. Which worked fine, until they followed her.

"Same shape, size, colour." The blonde CSI hummed when Sara extracted a plant pod from the rim of the car. "Too bad we can't ID this pod and tie it to the tree."

Sara smiled silently before Greg even opened his mouth to disregard the comment, his eyes lighting up at the opportunity to delve into his extensive knowledge of plant DNA and effectively prove Sofia wrong.

He scampered off with the pod in tow to temporarily reclaim his residence in the DNA lab, leaving the women alone in the garage.

Sara busied herself fingerprinting the bonnet of the car. She felt Sofia creep up beside her, hovering quietly over her shoulder.

"What?" She asked calmly when the woman didn't say anything.

"Have you talked to Catherine?"

"No." Sara turned abruptly, almost walking into her colleague. She narrowly danced around her, moving over to the bench in a failed attempt to put more space between them. Sofia sauntered after her, leaning casually against the table.

"Maybe you should hear what she has to say." She suggested. "It might help heal things between the two of you."

Sara put down what she was doing and turned, her eyes flashing with anger.

"Look, this is really none of your concern." She said, barely restraining herself. "What happened between Catherine and I will stay between Catherine and I."

Sofia, ignoring the blatant hint, stepped closer to the brunette and lowered her voice.

"I was there that night, Sara." She reminded her, somewhat needlessly. "I saw what state you were in."

God knows, Sara did not need to be reminded of that night. She had had no intention of telling anyone at work what had transpired. However, Sofia had stumbled upon her, entirely by accident, as she sat at the side of the road; her bike propped up on its stand. She had been in tears, on the verge of downing the bottle of whiskey she'd acquired en route to her lonely location.

And as Sofia – on her way home from work – had wandered out of the early morning mist and sat down beside her, Sara had just started talking.

Sofia could tell from Sara's glazed, reminiscent look that she had touched a nerve. She placed a hand on the brunette's arm, startling her.

"Talk to Catherine." She said. "Otherwise you're just going to keep beating yourself up over this."

"Over what?" Sara shrugged her off. "There's nothing to talk about. We were together. Now we're not."

She ripped off her gloves and stalked out of the garage, leaving Sofia to stand and stare in her wake.

X x x

After abandoning a bemused Greg in the hallway, Sara shuffled into the locker room only to curse her terrible timing.

"Hi." Catherine breathed, appearing equally as surprised to run into her ex. Due to the recent shift changes, they rarely crossed paths.

Sara debated spinning on her heel and departing, but settled for nodding at her silently and wandering to her locker. She could sense Catherine creeping closer, until the strawberry-blonde was lurking right behind her.

"I saw you taking to Sofia earlier…" The older CSI mumbled, fidgeting on the spot.

"She's got nothing to do with this." Despite her earlier coldness towards the woman, Sara couldn't help but note the irony at defending her now. "She was just checking I was alright."

"And are you?" Cath asked cautiously, biting her lower lip.

"I'm fine." Sara gritted her teeth, purposefully taking an unnecessarily long time rifling through her locker. "I'm just tired."

"You don't get tired." She countered softly. "When did you last sleep?"

"When did we break up?" Sara asked, her voice turning darker. For a long moment Catherine didn't say anything.

"You're not serious?" She said at last, although it came out as more of a scared question than a statement. Sara shrugged, finally closing her locker and turning to leave. She was stopped by Catherine's hand on her arm and the blonde could practically feel her defences rise beneath her touch.

"Sar, can ... can we talk about this?" She begged weakly.

"What's there to talk about?" There was a cold detachedness to Sara's voice that sent a chill through Cath's blood.

"Us?" She shrugged weakly. For the first time she saw a sign of emotion in her companion's eyes.

"There is no _us_, Catherine." Sara explained, her voice beginning to crack. "Anything we had ended the night you jumped into bed with another woman."

Catherine dropped her head in shame. She couldn't deny that everything that had happened was her fault, but she wanted a chance to explain; a chance to salvage some part of their friendship.

While she searched for a way to begin, Sara tugged her arm free and set off towards the door.

"Sara, wait!" Cath hollered after her, frantically scrambling for something to say. Sara paused in the threshold, turning to her with the sad eyes of someone who had long since lost hope.

"Just leave it Cat," she mumbled softly. "Go home to your new girlfriend."

Catherine dropped onto the bench disconsolately, watching her disappear into the deserted hallway.


	2. Out in the cold

**Thank you to everyone who's favourited/followed/reviewed so far :) **

**This chapter touches on what happened between them but there is more to come  
**

**x x x x**

"_Sara, wait!" Catherine howled pitifully, oblivious to the stones stabbing into her bare feet as she sprinted, half-dressed down the drive. _

_Sara was already on her bike, the engine drowning out the sounds of Catherine's wails. _

_Cath continued to run towards her as a cloud of smoke billowed out of the exhaust and Sara gunned it down the road. She ran still as the bike disappeared around the corner, fading against the distant lights of the Strip. As the resounding silence engulfed her, she fell to her knees and let the tears stream down her face; the consequences of what she had done hitting her like a tornado. _

_It was only meant to be one night. One stupid, pointless night. _

X x x

"Ow!" She hissed, pausing to glare at the invisible step on the floor that she had tripped over, before sloping into the en suite.

She cast a tired glance over her reflection. She barely recognised the face staring back at her anymore. It was the face of a woman who was fighting an internal battle with herself. The face of a woman who had taken one too many wrong turns in life.

The face of a woman who was struggling to live with her mistake.

"Cat!" Emma's voice broke into her thoughts and she turned to see the woman's head appear around the door. "We're going to be late!" She barked.

"Yeah, okay." Cath nodded weakly, waiting for her to disappear before sliding out of her sleepwear and stepping into the shower.

The water was hot – too hot for her preference – and the steam made her head swim. Despite stinging her skin, the water relaxed her muscles slightly. She rolled her shoulders, letting her tensions wash down the drain along with memories of the previous night.

Sara's words had hurt her, but she couldn't deny the brunette the right to be angry. After all, it was Catherine's fault. She had had a good thing with Sara, but that still hadn't been enough. She had only wanted to play; she never thought about how it would end.

Sara had trusted her; that's what hurt the most. Sara took an inexplicably long time to trust anyone, but she had trusted Catherine.

All Cath had ever wanted was someone to love her, trust her and never do anything to hurt her. She'd had all of that and more – but she'd been blinded by lust and desire. She realised too late that by opening that door, she had closed another so to speak.

Obviously she cared for Emma, but the guilt over how she had treated Sara continued to gnaw at her conscience and it did not make it any easier that she had not been given a chance to explain her actions.

Attempting to shake off the intrusive thoughts, she switched off the shower and stepped out into the cold air of the bathroom.

As she dressed, she absently recalled a morning when she had spent several frantic minutes searching for her shirt, only to find it clutched in Sara's hands beneath the covers as her young girlfriend dozed. It had been a failed attempt to prevent her from leaving and had very nearly made her late, but how could you possibly stay angry with that beautiful, peaceful face?

"Catherine! We have to go!" Emma whined, drifting back into the bedroom. She gave her girlfriend a once over, raising a sceptical eyebrow. "You're not wearing that, are you?"

Catherine looked down at herself. She was wearing a pair of jeans and a long-sleeved shirt teamed with a silk scarf.

"What's wrong with it?" She asked, mildly offended. Emma shrugged, leaning against the door frame.

"Nothing I guess, it just kind of makes you look … frumpy." She scrunched her nose up.

Cath scowled, staring down at herself again.

"It's fine if you want to wear it though." The woman continued, offering a nonchalant shrug and disappearing back downstairs.

Catherine turned to the full-length mirror on her wardrobe door. She had always taken great pride in the fact that she had maintained a sense of fashion into middle-aged life. However, her new girlfriend was younger than her and more aware of current trends.

With a sad sigh, she whipped off her scarf and began unbuttoning her shirt.

X x x

When Catherine appeared downstairs wearing a different – very tight-fitting – shirt, Emma was already pacing by the door.

"Come on, we're going to be late." She persisted.

"Alright, I'm coming." Cath muttered, grabbing her jacket from the back of a chair. "Why do we have to go so early, anyway? I'm sure they're not going to close the museum in the middle of the day."

"I want to see the exhibit early, then we can go out for lunch afterwards." Emma explained, pouting. "I thought you wanted to have dinner with me?"

"Of course I do." Catherine sighed, double checking the contents of her purse out of habit. "But I also worked a fourteen hour shift last night."

By the time she realised what she'd said, it was too late to recall the words. Emma, one hand on the handle, paused and let her head drop onto the door.

"We're not going to start this again." She snarled in a low voice.

Catherine dropped her gaze to the floor. "You're right, I'm sorry." She mumbled. "I just…"

"Yeah, I know!" Emma whirled on her, her green eyes blazing. "Look, can we just…can we go?" She asked, barely containing her frustration. Cath nodded jadedly, keeping her mouth shut this time as she sloped out of the house after her.

X x x

"I loved the Boudin exhibition." She gushed, waving her doughnut around animatedly as she spoke. "And Monet's impression of Light – obviously! But I wasn't so fond of the Pissarro section. Too … bland." She sniffed, taking a huge mouthful of her food.

Catherine hummed absently in agreement, barely listening. The Bellagio was buzzing with energy, despite the fact it was the middle of the afternoon, but unfortunately none of it was leaching into the strawberry-blonde. She stifled a yawn, her gaze drifting lazily back to Emma's face. That was when she realised the woman was staring at her with distaste, her nostrils flaring.

"What?" Cath asked uncertainly, squirming under her girlfriend's intense glare.

"Are you even listening to me?"

"Of course." She bristled, straightening up in her seat. "I'm just tired." As if to emphasize her point, she yawned again. Emma scoffed, shaking her head.

"Unbelievable." She muttered under her breath, tossing her pastry back onto her plate.

"What?" Catherine repeated, insolence creeping into her voice this time.

"Why is it every time we go somewhere I want to go, you whine that you're too tired?!"

Cath stiffened, suddenly aware that people at nearby tables were starting to stare. Emma clearly didn't give a damn, but Catherine Willows was well known in Vegas and she could do without this kind of attention. Especially considering her father frequently sent spies to other casinos, including this one.

"It's not like that." She hissed, lowering her voice. "I'm glad we came out today. I'm just tired."

"You're always tired!" Emma erupted, nearly knocking her wine glass over. Cath steadied it, gripping Emma's wrist in an attempt to calm her down.

"What do you want from me, Ems?" She asked. "I work long hours."

"Yeah, I wonder why." She scoffed, wrenching her arm free and twisting in her chair so her back was to Catherine.

"What's that supposed to mean?" She didn't receive an answer, but she didn't need one as it clicked before the words even left her mouth. She choked back a dry laugh, shaking her head. "This is about Sara isn't it?" She realised aloud. "How many times do I have to tell you…"

"Well, you've got to admit it is a little strange working with your ex!" Emma interrupted.

"I told you," Catherine said through gritted teeth. "Sara and I are just colleagues. We broke up."

She resisted to add 'because of you' onto the end of that sentence.

X x x

Catherine had never been so glad to be home; she'd had some awkward car rides in her marriage to Eddie but at least he didn't used to sulk. Much.

"Coffee?" She asked, hoping to ease some of the tension between them. The atmosphere remained thick, however, as Emma stropped to the couch and threw herself onto it with a dramatic huff. Cath released a heavy sigh, following her across the room. "So, what? You're not speaking to me now?"

When Emma still refused to respond, she moved closer and crouched down in front of her.

"Ems look, I know you're upset and I'm sorry. But I promise there is nothing between Sara and I anymore." She assured her softly. "We are colleagues, nothing more."

For a moment, Emma seemed to have an internal debate. Whether it was the convincing tone of her voice or the affectionate use of a nickname she didn't know, but something made the young blonde start to crack.

"You promise?" She asked hopefully. Cath's lips twitched into a smile.

"I promise."

"Hey, I have an idea." Emma grinned, sitting forward; her previous bad mood all but forgotten in a heartbeat. "Why don't we go see a show at the weekend? Saturday night?"

"I can't." Cath shook her head. "Lindsey has a dance recital on Saturday. Maybe another time." She stole a brief kiss and stood up to make the coffee, completely missing the dark look that crossed Emma's face.

"Right. Lindsey." She muttered under her breath, rolling her eyes.

As Catherine pottered about in the kitchen, purposefully taking her time making the drinks, she couldn't help going over their argument.

'Just colleagues'. The words had tasted bitter in her mouth.

It _was_ the truth, she supposed; since Sara wasn't interested in being anything more with her at the moment. But that still didn't make it an easy pill to swallow.


	3. A night this side of dying

_She eyed the bottle with temptation. She knew it was stupid to even consider drinking when she was so far from town and was going to have to drive home. Then again, the idea of crashing and burning in a ditch was somewhat appealing right now. _

_Maybe she'd get lucky and a truck would misjudge the bend and slam into her where she sat on the sandy verge, overlooking the city. Her bike was propped on its stand behind her, the bottle of jack peeping out of her saddle bag teasingly. _

_With a sigh she tipped her head back and turned her watery eyes towards the sky. It struck her as odd how people were tricked into putting their faith into the certainty of existence, even though there may be no evidence supporting it. For example, though masked by the glittering lights of the strip, she was safe in the knowledge that thousands of stars were looking down at her from the black blanket of night. _

_Then again, she had been certain of Catherine's love for her. _

_So maybe there were no stars after all. _

_The sound of gravel crunching nearby broke the peaceful silence that had engulfed her. Someone sat down on the ground close enough to brush against her arm. Sara cast a suspicious glance to her new companion. _

_Sofia didn't say a word and the brunette suddenly became aware of the tears that had been streaming down her face since she had left Catherine's house. She must look a wreck. She considered getting back on her bike and disappearing into the distance to continue her lonesome self-pitying elsewhere; but she quickly discarded the idea. She could ride to the moon, someone would still find her. _

_She didn't know where Sofia had come from. She didn't know why she was here. She didn't know why she hadn't said anything.  
Quite frankly, she decided, it didn't matter. _

"_I loved her." Sofia shifted her gaze, surprised that Sara had been the first one to speak. The brunette turned to her with sad, questioning eyes. "Why would she do this to me?"_

X x x

She couldn't be far off a hundred thousand cycles per second right about now.

"Do you think I'm right?" He almost sounded like he was pleading with her.

She wasn't sure what he was holding against her throat, but she felt it scratch the sensitive skin again and her breath hitched.

"I do." She breathed, nodding frantically as she gripped the arm Adam had wrapped around her.

Everything had happened so fast, she wasn't sure how he'd managed to turn her around but suddenly they'd found themselves on the cold floor and she was immobilised in his clutches.

Her attempts to fight him off had failed miserably; the more she thrashed the stronger he held her against his rapidly-beating heart. But once Grissom's panicked face appeared in the window, staring at her with wide scared eyes, she instantly stopped struggling and held his gaze desperately. She could see his lips moving but she wasn't sure if he was trying to talk to her or not.

Having noticed her sudden lack of resistance Adam glanced up and caught sight of Grissom. His eyes flashed with anger and he tightened his grip around her ribcage, forcing the blade against her throat.

"Don't you move a muscle!" He growled, his lips grazing her ear. "I will grind you, you bitch! You hear me? Do not look at them! Keep your eyes on the floor!"

Reluctantly, she did as ordered. It took every ounce of her will to keep her eyes down, but the stabbing pain in her neck was enough incentive to do as she was told.

The sound of her own blood rushing through her ears blocked everything else out and for what felt like an age all she could do was close her eyes and pray that it would be over soon.

All of a sudden she felt Adam's grip on her slacken and she dared a look up at the window. Joanne McKay was shouting something through the glass and whatever it was, Adam didn't like it.

"You! You go away!" He bellowed, pointing his weapon at her through the glass. Not bothering to stick around for the show, Sara took her one chance to elbow him sharply in the chest and launched herself to her feet.

She was suddenly aware of an alarm sounding as she fumbled frantically with the lock and threw the door open. Grissom reached out to catch her as she bulleted out of the room but she dodged around him, ricocheting off the wall. The last thing she needed was someone else putting their hands on her.

She stalked down the hallway, not slowing down until her palms hit the stone cold metal mesh of the bars imprisoning her from the outside world.

X x x

"Hey, did you get anything from Hodges?" Catherine asked of Warrick as they crossed paths in the busy lab corridor.

"Yeah, a headache." The dark skinned man groaned, shaking his head. Cath chuckled, offering a sympathetic smile and a friendly pat on the arm.

"Well, Mandy got a hit off a work card to a Ryan…"

Warrick never heard the end of her sentence as they were cut off by a speeding Gil Grissom. He noticed them too late and – in too much of a hurry to stand and chat – had hoped to dash between them unnoticed, but no such luck as Warrick hollered after his former supervisor.

"Hey, how's Sara doing?" He asked, completely missing the startled look Catherine sent him.

Grissom skidded to a halt, turning briefly back to them.

"She's fine … she will be fine." He corrected, making to leave. This time, Catherine called him back.

"Why? What happened?" She barked, her voice rising fearfully.

"Nothing. I've got to see the coroner." Grissom disregarded her question with an absent wave of his hand and continued on his path, prompting her to turn to Warrick with a despairing look.

"Rick, what's wrong with Sara?" She begged, her eyes alive with worry. He frowned at her unexpected bout of alarm, but obliged with an explanation, tugging her to a quiet side of the hallway.

"You know they're working on that case at the secure hospital?" He began, and already her heart began to beat faster. "One of the inmates got hold of her. Locked them both in an office and threatened her with some make-shift weapon."

"What?" Catherine yelped, making him jump. Oblivious to his shock, she began running both hands through her hair fretfully. "Where is she? Is she alright? Did he hurt her?"

"Hey, hey, calm down. She's fine." Warrick gripped her shoulders, forcing her to stop fidgeting and look at him. His voice, like his gaze, was thick with concern. "Are _you_ alright?"

"Yeah." She breathed, lowering her voice slightly. "Yeah, sorry. I just ... I'm fine. Do you know where she is?" She asked, making an effort to appear slightly calmer even if her stomach was still doing back flips.

"Sara?" Greg piped up from behind them. "She's in the break room with..."

Cath never gave him chance to finish as she whirled out from between them and disappeared in the direction of the coffee pot, leaving both men to watch her go with matching expressions of bemusement.

Greg leant closer to the taller man.

"I think I've missed something." He hissed conspiratorially. Warrick threw his hands up, shaking his head in loss.

"Wish I could help man." He offered uselessly.

X x x

"Sara!" She practically fell through the door, quickly straightening up as her eyes scanned the room.

The young brunette was blinking up at her from the couch, startled by the inelegant entrance. Catherine moved instantly closer, dropping to her knees in front of her.

"I heard what happened; are you alright?" She reached up, attempting to move Sara's hair aside to get a better look at the angry red mark on her neck, but Sara flinched away from her touch.

"She's fine." A stern voice spoke from the other side of the room. Cath turned over her shoulder, raising an eyebrow. She hadn't even noticed Sofia lurking in the corner when she'd first walked in.

"It's okay." Sara said softly, although it was unclear who she was talking to. Catherine reached out again, this time succeeding in dragging her fingertips across the mark. She felt Sara's skin tense up beneath her touch and she could tell from the brunette's clenched jaw that she was resisting the urge to pull away again. Catherine tried to chalk the reaction up to shock, as opposed to an aversion to her touch.

"I'm fine. It was nothing." Sara repeated in a tight voice, sitting back out of Cath's reach.

"Doesn't look like nothing." The blonde commented. "Are you sure you're ...

"Yes." Sara cut her off. Catherine scrutinised her for a long moment, aware of the fact that Sofia was still watching their interaction cautiously. Her ex was shaken up, but appeared to be in once piece.

She fought the urge to pull her into a hug, realising that she would not be thanked for it. Instead, she gripped Sara's hand and held her gaze fiercely.

"Don't ever do that again." She said firmly.

"Do what?"

"Whatever you did to end up in that situation."

"It wasn't her fault." Sofia snapped, sidling up to the couch and placing a cup of coffee carefully in Sara's hands.

"I know." Cath shrugged awkwardly. "That's not what I meant."

Watching the former Day's CSI place a tender hand on Sara's shoulder, giving it a gentle squeeze, Catherine suddenly got the distinct feeling that she was intruding on a private moment. Sofia sent Sara a warm smile which, to Cath's utter disappointment was returned, before she wandered to the door. A silent look passed between the three women before she left them alone.

Ignoring the blatant warning she had just received, Cath turned back to Sara, who was watching her with wary eyes.

"You sure you're okay?" She repeated, tenderly reaching up to brush brunette curls aside.

"I'm fine." Sara insisted, albeit softening her voice slightly.

"Okay." Cath mumbled somewhat unconvinced. "And you're okay with the case, it's not..." She trailed off. She knew from their recent fight that this was a touchy subject for Sara, but she had to ask. And predictably enough, Sara bristled.

"I said I'm fine, Cat." She stood up, attempting to push past her. "And you've done your duty; you can stop pretending you give a damn now."

Catherine flinched, visibly hurt by the comment.

"I do care about you, Sara." She said, stepping in front to stop her from leaving. "I…" She caught herself before she uttered the words on the tip of her tongue, but judging by the way Sara's back stiffened, she knew what the blonde had nearly said.

"Then why did you cheat on me?" The question, unexpectedly weak, caught her off guard.

Casting a glance around them to make sure they were alone, Cath released a shaky breath.

"Sara, I never wanted to hurt you." She started insistently. "I just … I screwed up. There's no excuse for what I did." She started toying nervously with the loose end on her sleeve, looking everywhere but into Sara's piercing eyes. "Things were starting to get difficult between us … I panicked I guess." She added meekly.

"We had one fight and you went straight to another woman!"

"Come on," Cath sent her a look. "It was more than one fight."

Sara shrugged in concession, but her unreadable mask remained firmly in place.

"I went to the bar to cool off and I ran into Emma. From there…everything just happened too fast." She sighed. "It was only going to be one night, and then…"

"Yeah, I know what happened next." Sara huffed, walking around her towards the door.

Cath considered running after her, but she suddenly became aware of where they were. The lab was no place for this conversation.

The brunette paused in the threshold, turning to her with an awkward, almost regretful expression.

"Wish Lindsey good luck in her dance recital for me." She said at last.

For one, brief moment Catherine felt her heart lighten.

"I will." She whispered softly, even though Sara had already gone.

**x x x x**

**Let me know what you think :) ... -**


	4. Low

**Not sure about this chapter myself, but let me know what you guys think :)**

**x x x x**

"Hi, sorry I'm late." She called, tossing her keys onto the coffee table and sweeping through the house into the kitchen, shedding her jacket as she went. "It's been a crazy shift."

The smell of freshly brewed coffee hit her as soon as she entered the room and she felt it instantly seeping into her body; wrapping her in the warm, familiar feeling of being home.

Emma was sat at the kitchen table, her back to the door.

"I made you breakfast." She said in a clipped tone, folding her hands carefully on the tabletop.

Catherine froze, immediately picking up on the tension oozing from her girlfriend's stiffened body.

"You did?" She asked hopefully. "Thank you, I…"

Before she could finish apologising, Emma had launched herself out of her seat and snatched the plate, sitting stone cold in front of her, from the table. For a second, Catherine thought she was going to throw it at her.

"It's too late now." The younger woman howled, her eyes flashing as she kicked her chair aside and began scraping the food into the trashcan. Catherine watched her with dismay. She had actually been hungry, too.

"I'm sorry." She mumbled weakly, backing up against the door. "I know I'm later than I said I would be…"

"You said you'd be back by six." Emma inhaled and exhaled deeply, her back muscles clenching beneath her clothes as she gripped the counter.

"Yeah, and I was going to be." Cath continued, daring to take a step closer to her irate girlfriend. "But there was an incident at work – we had a murder at Desert State Mental Hospital and one of the inmates got loose…"

In a heartbeat Emma's fury dissipated and she turned to Catherine with a wide-eyed, panicked look.

"Are you alright?" She asked fearfully, grabbing her arms to visibly check for any injuries. "Did he hurt you?" Concern flooded her features and her voice where a moment ago anger had resided.

"I'm fine." Cath assured her, extracting herself from the other woman's fierce grip. "It wasn't my case; it was Sara…"

"Oh." Just as quickly as she had been grabbed, she was released and Emma strode back to the table where she resumed her position of staring straight ahead with her back to the door.

"She's fine." Catherine continued, even though Emma hadn't asked. "It could have ended a lot worse, but she was pretty shaken up about it."

"Of course she was." Emma agreed sarcastically. "And I bet you made her feel all better again."

Cath frowned insolently, taking offence at the insinuation.

"I comforted her, like I would have if it was one of the boys." She said firmly, dropping into the seat beside her partner. "She nearly had her throat cut; she wasn't exactly in a flirty kind of mood."

"You're not even on the same shift! What were you doing anywhere near her?" Emma questioned, ignoring the reasoned argument.

"We still work together." Cath pointed out. "I ran into her in the hall, she was upset. We wanted to make sure she was alright before we left her alone."

A tactful lie, perhaps, but she had hoped the use of 'we' might calm her down a little. No need for her to be imagining the two of them alone in a lab. Not that it mattered because Emma was nodding along but clearly not listening to a word.

Realising that nothing she could say was going to have much of an impact on her mood; Cath changed tack, reaching across the table to envelope Emma's hand with both of her own.

"Look, I'm sorry I missed breakfast." She offered a small smile. "Why don't I treat you to dinner tonight to make up for it?"

Emma pretended to consider this offer for a moment before a forgiving smile crept across her face and she nodded in agreement.

"Only if we go to the Bellagio." She bargained.

"Great, I'll make the reservation and you can meet us there after Lindsey's dance recital."

In a heartbeat, the smile vanished as did Emma's hands as she pulled them out of Catherine's grasp and into her lap.

"Oh, sure." She deadpanned. "Sounds great."

Completely missing the lack of enthusiasm in her voice, Catherine leapt to her feet with a smile and pressed a kiss to her girlfriend's cheek.

"I'll make it up to you." She promised, sliding out of the room to make a phone call, leaving Emma to stew in silence over the realisation that she was going to spend the evening discussing ballet shoes and tiaras.

X x x

She stared into her extensive wardrobe forlornly. After disregarding every pair of pants she owned, she had settled on a skirt which was probably far too short for a woman her age. She just needed something to go with it. She had considered wearing a nice long-sleeved top until she drew to memory Emma's comment last time she had donned it.

"Mom, can you…" Lindsey paused in the middle of the room, raising an eyebrow at her mother's semi-dressed state. "You're not ready." She pouted.

"I will be." Cath hummed, turning to her daughter. "What's wrong?"

Lindsey held up a sash in question. Understanding the request, Catherine dropped onto the bed and pulled the child towards her, turning her around in order to fasten the accessory around her tiny waist.

"Is Sara going to be there?" Lindsey asked, tapping her foot impatiently while Cath adjusted the ribbon. However, the soft sigh that followed her question was all the answer she needed.

"Linds, baby you know she isn't."

The child stuck her bottom lip out again, dragging the toe of her dance shoe across the carpet. Catherine turned her around so they were facing each other and pinned the girl between her legs, wrapping both arms around her middle.

"She wished you good luck, though." She said with a small smile, brushing gentle blonde curls aside. The comment seemed to work as Lindsey's face brightened a little.

"Maybe I could call her tomorrow and tell her how it went."

"Yeah," Cath grinned. "Yeah, I bet she'd love that." She began fiddling with the sash again as she spoke. "And hey, after your recital we're going to go out for dinner."

"Really?" Lindsey beamed, leaning into her mother's arms more.

"Yeah." Catherine smiled. "Emma's going to meet us at the restaurant afterwards."

Lindsey's face scrunched up and she stepped out of Catherine's reach, her blue eyes flaming.

"Why does she have to come?" She barked. "I don't want her there!"

"Lindsey!" Cath hollered after her, but the girl had already taken off towards the stairs, leaving Catherine still holding her sash. The blonde lifted her head towards the ceiling, taking a deep breath.

Well, that had been a nice sixty-seconds of mother-daughter bonding.

With a heavy sigh she stood up and turned her attention back to her collection of clothes.

Screw it, she was wearing the top. However, as her hand brushed the soft fabric she paused, Ems' words drifting to the front of her mind again. Reluctantly, she grabbed the one next to it; a low-cut t-shirt with diamante studs. She hadn't worn it in years, possibly since she'd been married.

As she tugged it on, careful not to smudge her makeup or mess up her hair, she sent a silent thanks to Ecklie for allowing her the night off. She really didn't need any more agro.

And she could definitely do without running into a certain CSI – the real reason she had been late getting home.

X x x

"_What's going on between you two?"_

_Sofia looked up, her tired eyes scanning over Catherine's face for a few seconds before answering. _

"_Nothing." She replied at last, turning back to her computer screen. Not that that was going to put Catherine Willows off. She wandered into the room and perched on the edge of the desk, close enough to suitably distract Sofia's attention from her work. _

"_A few weeks ago you and Sara barely spoke and now you're best friends?" She queried. "Come on, give me some credit."_

_Giving up hope of getting her work done while the swing shift supervisor was lingering, Sofia sat back in her chair and folded her arms. _

"_Look, I found Sara the night you and her…" she trailed off, waving a hand dismissively. "She was a wreck. I took her home, I made sure she wasn't about to drink herself into oblivion. And yeah, I've been keeping an eye on her since then."_

"_I bet you have." Catherine narrowed her eyes. _

_Sofia straightened up, returning the dark glare she was receiving. _

"_Get this straight: there is nothing going on between Sara and I." She hissed. "I don't date women, Catherine. I never have."_

"_Yeah, well I said that once too." Cath scoffed. "It doesn't mean anything." _

"_Sara is a colleague, maybe even a friend." Sofia insisted. "But I am not dating her. And neither are you, so I suggest you leave her alone before you make an even bigger fool of yourself."_

"_Oh, I'm making a fool of myself?" She laughed humourlessly. "You ought to take a look at yourself, love – you may as well move into Grissom's office the amount of time you spend in there. Has he let you feed his spider yet?" _

_To her surprise, Sofia didn't rise to the insult. _

"_The sooner you accept that you've lost her, the sooner she can move on." She said, logging off the computer with the intention of finding another one somewhere more private. _

"_Sara and I are none of your business." Catherine spat, pushing herself off the table. "You need to back off." _

"_She was attacked." Sofia explained, keeping her voice low as a group of lab techs wandered past, sending sly glances into the dimly lit room. "She was scared – she could have been killed!"_

"_You think I don't know that?" Catherine barked, throwing her hands up. _

"_Well you obviously don't care!" Sofia countered angrily. "If you did then you wouldn't have burst in and started upsetting her when she clearly needed to be left alone."_

_Catherine recoiled from the accusation, but she recovered quickly; taking a step closer and pressing a finger against Sofia's chest. _

"_I have known Sara a lot longer than you have." She hissed. "I love her – I would never do anything to hurt her."_

"_Yeah," Sofia licked her lips slowly, looking the older woman up and down. "Well, if Sara and I _were_ anything more than friends,_ I_ wouldn't cheat on her." _

_Catherine's jaw dropped and, unable to form words, she was forced to watch Sofia sashay out of the room with a smug sway of her hips. _

X x x

"That went really well, huh?" Catherine said to herself, since Lindsey wasn't in the mood for talking. "You were great in your solo. I bet your teacher was so proud of you."

When the frosty silence from the back seat got too much for her she sighed, casting a brief glance over her shoulder at her sullen daughter.

"Look, I know you miss Sara, honey. I miss her too, but you need to try and get on with Emma."

"Why?" Lindsey spat. "You'll only cheat on her too."

Catherine froze, her knuckles turning white on the steering wheel. She didn't think Lindsey knew why they had broken up.

"Linds, babe…"

"Forget it." The girl rolled her eyes, turning to stare out of the window in a blatant hint that that was as much as she was intending to contribute to the conversation.

"Relationships are complicated, baby." Cath tried to explain, but again all she received was silence.

Turning her complete attention back to the road, she shook her head sadly.

How low had she sunk? Even her child thought she was scum.

X x x

"You keep eating like that we're going to have to roll you home." Emma stated randomly, lazily stirring her espresso with the handle of a tea spoon.

Catherine paused, her fork half-way to her mouth.

"What?" She asked.

"Oh nothing," Emma shrugged, gesturing to the plate sitting between them. "You've just put some weight on recently; it might be an idea to cut down on the cheesecakes."

With a sulky frown, Cath quietly placed her fork on the plate and nudged it away from her, suddenly not feeling hungry any more. Instead, she turned to Lindsey, who was seemingly in an equally bad mood as she mixed her ice cream without making any effort to eat it.

"You did well tonight, huh?" She asked. "Why don't you tell Emma about your solo?"

"No." Linds shook her head sullenly. Not that Emma looked liked she had any interest in listening to the enthralling tales of a pre-teen dance competition anyway.

"Well, you can call Sara in the morning and tell her about it." She tried again, this time receiving a small smile from the child, and a dark glare from her girlfriend.

X x x

Lindsey took off upstairs before the adults were even through the door, her moody stomps along the ceiling culminating in the slamming of a door.

"So, uh, why is she calling Sara in the morning?" Emma asked as the women settled in the lounge.

"To tell her about the comp." Cath breathed tiredly, stretching her arms above her head as much as her tight shirt would allow. "She wanted to hear how it went."

"Sara's your ex, Catherine." Emma pointed out through gritted teeth. Cath sent her a look that clearly said she didn't need reminding of that fact.

"Yes, I know that." She agreed slowly. "But Lindsey still cares about her."

"She's ten, she'll get over it." Emma waved a disregarding hand.

"Erm, she's twelve." Cath corrected. "And it's not a problem if she wants to keep in touch with Sara." She paused, sending Ems a sideways glance. "Is it?"

Emma, bored with the line of conversation, stood up and turned to Cath with narrowed eyes.

"You know what Cat, do whatever the hell you want." She turned and made her way to the stairs, ignoring Catherine's tired attempts to call her back.

Alone, Cath threw her hands up weakly.

"Great. I'm three for three." She muttered to herself, glancing around the empty room. "Maybe I'll call mom and piss her off, too."


	5. If it ain't broke, break it

**Have had to cut this chapter in half because it got excessively long, which means the next update shouldn't take so long :) I had intended to get this one up sooner but I kept getting interrupted :(**

**Anyway, I hope you enjoy. Thanks to those who've reviewed so far, you guys are awesome :) **

**x x x x**

You ever get the feeling that you're talking to yourself?

That's the impression Nancy Flynn had right now as she chattered amicably to her big sister, who was being about as responsive as a drainpipe.

"Hey!" She barked, startling Catherine back to the conversation. "Have you heard a single word I said?"

"Yes." Cath shook herself out of her reverie and straightened up in her seat in an attempt to look more attentive. "You were at the bar on Fifth Street."

Nancy rolled her eyes, an act which Catherine took to mean that her guess had been wrong. She pursed her lips, waiting for the snappy correction.  
Instead, what came out of Nancy's mouth left her feeling like she'd been slapped.

"What the hell is it about this woman that has you so damn warped?"

"I'm not warped!" She retorted, recoiling from the insult.

"Look at you Cathy," The nurse gestured to her, a humourless laugh choking its way from her throat. "You go where she wants to go, when she wants to go. You have to call and tell her when you're coming home. You can't have friends round unless she's not here. If you bent any further backwards for her you'd snap in half!"

Catherine's back stiffened and she took a deliberately long sip of her coffee while she contemplated her response.

"You don't know what you're talking about." She said at last, having failed to come up with a more substantial defence. "Emma's and mine relationship is none of your business."

"Oh please." Nancy scoffed. "It's not a relationship. She's using you for her own sick pleasure and sooner or later she'll get bored of you and move onto some other unsuspecting sap."

"Hey!" Cath blinked at her, taken aback by the sudden onslaught of verbal abuse from her usually good-natured sibling. "Ems is not taking advantage of me and I'm not a 'sap'."

Nancy's only response was a sceptical snort.

"Please, this is your MO to a tee." She scoffed. "You have something good and you throw it all away at the first sniff of a manipulative control freak. This is exactly what happened when you were dating Brad!"

Catherine furrowed her brow, trying to figure out the relevance to the current situation.

"That was twenty years ago!" She pointed out.

"He loved you." Nancy continued, leaning across the table top to hold her sister's edgy gaze. "He would have moved heaven and earth for you – he was trying to get you out of the clubs. And then you met Eddie. A coked-up loser whose closest resemblance to a proper job was pimping out Cher wannabes!"

Cath recoiled, letting her gaze fall into her lap sheepishly. It was true, Eddie was a joke compared to Brad. But, for whatever reason, she had actually loved Ed.

"That has nothing to do with anything." She murmured, desperate to change the subject.

"Of course it does. You're a masochist – you date people who you know will hurt you because that way you can play the victim and when it all goes to hell you don't have to accept the blame." Nancy snapped. "Sara treated you and Lindsey right; so, naturally she had to go. And instead you settle for a controlling, child-hating dominatrix and that way when it all goes wrong you can blame it all on her!"

"It's not going to go wrong." Catherine scowled, pushing herself away from the table and stalking across the room to stare out of the glass panelled doors into the back yard. She could see her sister's reflection in the window; she hadn't moved from the table but continued to stare at Cath's rigid back with cold eyes.

"She's using you Cathy," the younger woman spat at last. "And you're lying down and letting her walk all over you, just like you did with Eddie." She stood up and walked slowly towards her sibling, leaning close enough that her breath tickled Catherine's ear. "Because you're too fucking scared to lie in the bed you made all by yourself!"

Catherine gritted her teeth, resisting the urge to turn around and smack Nancy across the face.

Perhaps sensing that she had overstepped the mark, Nance turned on her heel and strutted through the kitchen, snatching her jacket from the back of the chair on her way out.

She barely made it to the front door when the sound of hurried footsteps echoed through the house and Catherine pounced into her view.

"Don't worry about picking Lindsey up from school tomorrow." She snarled. "I wouldn't want her around your poison anyway."

Nancy shook her head, her bright blue eyes narrowing. Catherine never could let her have the last word in a fight.

"Sure, you screw up and we all pay the price for it." She rolled her eyes, swinging the front door wide open and causing a sudden rush of cool air into the house. "I'll tell mom not to stop by tomorrow shall I?"

"Yeah, you do that." Cath bit back angrily.

Nancy got halfway down the drive and Catherine thought she had said all she was going to, when she turned, squinting up at her against the high noon sun.

"If you had any sense you'd run right back to Sara and grovel like your life depended on it."

With her little sister's parting comment ringing in her ears, Catherine allowed the front door to swing closed and finally let the angry tears she'd been fighting begin to fall down her flushed pink cheeks.

X x x

In forty years, she had never once admitted that Nancy was right; but this time the younger Flynn had really struck a nerve. The harsh words had been tormenting her, like some incomprehensive puzzle.

Catherine would be the first to admit that she didn't have the best of luck in relationships, but it had never occurred to her before that there might be a reason why she picked men – and evidently women, too – who would use and abuse her.

What if Nance was right and this was just a subconscious effort to live in perpetual misery?

With that worrying thought in mind, Cath had determined that she was not going to fall into that repetitive pattern again.  
She could admit to being a lot of things: stubborn, flirty, fickle. But Catherine Willows was not a doormat.

Anybody who passed her on the way to work would probably have added crazy to the list; for she spent the whole journey discussing with the empty car how she was going to make things work with Emma.

By the time she pulled into the lab parking lot and stepped out into the cool afternoon breeze, she had determined that – starting tonight – she was going to get over Sara once and for all.

And every ounce of resolve she had possessed faded to dust the second she set foot in the locker room.

"Oh Sara." She breathed, shaking her head.

The brunette was curled up on the bench, one hand trailing on the floor, her face contorted into a frown.

With an affectionate sigh, Cath ambled further into the room and crouched down beside her sleeping ex.

"What are you doing here, lady?" She asked softly, brushing a stray dark curl aside.

Sara stirred at the contact but didn't wake up. She must have pulled a double, Cath realised. It was not the first time she had caught Sara doing this, not least since their break up. It made her heart ache to think that the young CSI was punishing herself physically in order to avoid dealing with the torrid of emotions that were surely swimming through her mind.

She moved as quietly as she could around the room, careful not to disturb the sleeping beauty. Before leaving she draped her jacket over Sara, casting an affectionate glance across her body. She knew that she should sneak out quietly before she woke her – the boys would likely take care of that when they barrelled in anyway; but she couldn't resist taking the opportunity to place a tender kiss on her cheek. She could smell her moisturiser. Almond oil and coconut; it was sweet and exotic all at the same time.

"What are you doing?"

Catherine straightened up so fast that she nearly lost her balance.

Sofia stepped further into the room, casting her eyes over Sara's figure.

"What were you doing to her?" The blonde repeated, taking a threatening step closer. Catherine resisted the urge to back up, determined to stand her ground.

"Nothing. I was just checking she was alright." She lied.

"She's fine." Sofia shrugged, continuing her slow approached towards them. "It's been a tough case, I told her to get some rest before next shift."

"She should be at home." Cath claimed, quirking an eyebrow.

"She won't go home." Sofia countered, giving Catherine a once-over. "I wonder whose fault that is."

She brushed past the older CSI towards the opposite door, but Catherine whirled on her.

"Hey, you have no idea what happened between us!" She snapped.

"I know exactly what happened." Sofia retorted angrily, shooting nervous glances at the bench. Realising that she was worried about waking Sara, Cath grabbed her by the wrist and tugged her roughly into the hallway in order to continue her rant.

"Whatever you think you know about me, forget it!" She ordered. After her run in with Nancy, she wasn't in the mood to listen to anyone else's opinion of her. "You have no idea how Sara and I feel about each other."

"You need to grow up Catherine!" Sofia spat. "She's not interested in anything you have to offer her so you can stop acting like you're looking out for her. You had your chance to do that and you chose to fuck someone else!"

"You self-righteous bitch." Catherine narrowed her eyes, her hand twitching at her side. "You want to watch your mouth, lady."

"Willows, Curtis!" In true déjà vu style, Ecklie's harsh voice cut between the warring women like a knife. Both turned in unison, as if attached by an invisible string, to find the boss stalking towards them with a look of utter contempt. "What the hell is going on?"

Before either could offer an answer Sara strode out of the locker room and shoved between them, pushing the jacket back into its owner's hands and disappearing down the hallway without a word.

The two blondes fell quiet, a despairing look crossing Catherine's features as she clutched the jacket close to her chest.

Ecklie, bemused by the display but not all that surprised to discover the feisty brunette was at the source of the fight, rolled his eyes and gestured for the sheepish pair to follow him.

One day, he thought absently to himself as they filed into his office, the women of this lab would learn to play nice.


	6. Gone

She ran a hand through her straight blonde hair – getting less straight with every passing second as she dragged her nails repeatedly though the locks. Her breath was coming in angry, ragged gasps as she paced at the bottom of the stone steps.

She couldn't believe Ecklie had actually had the gall to write her up barely a month after demoting her.

Especially when it was Catherine's fault.

She heard the front doors open and turned, surprised to see Greg stood at the top of the stairs; illuminated by the sterile white lights of the lab, with a bashful grin and a cup of steaming coffee.

"I heard you and Catherine had a fight – this usually helps Sara in these times." He half-joked, handing her the polystyrene cup.

She smiled gratefully, taking a long sip and savouring the taste of the dark, creamy liquid.

"So," Greg hummed, stuffing his hands in his pockets and rocking back and forth on his heels. "Do you want to…?"

"No." She cut him off, flicking her eyes towards him over the top of the cup.

"You didn't let me finish." He frowned teasingly.

"No, I don't want to talk about it." She guessed; correctly judging by his pursed lips and sheepish shrug.

He considered pushing further but the dark glare she sent him quickly silenced that urge and with a brief nod he turned and made his way back inside.

"Hey Greg," she called after him, holding the drink up. "Thanks for the coffee."

He smiled brightly and disappeared back into the building.

With a heavy groan Sofia sat down on the steps and took the plastic lid off her drink, inhaling the bitter scent.

Perhaps she had been testing her luck by picking a fight with Catherine so soon after last time, but as far as she was concerned the woman deserved it.

Granted Sofia may not know what was going through Catherine's head the night she had cheated on Sara.

But she sure as hell knew what had been going through Sara's.

X x x

_She didn't know what had possessed her to take the scenic route home, but she was forever glad_ _that she had. _

_Her headlights had bounced off the metal bike before she reached the corner, drawing her eyes to the lonesome figure sat on the ground with their head tipped back to the sky. For a moment she assumed it was just a drifter, until she neared the bend and recognised the familiar figure of Sara Sidle. _

_Pulling up a little further down the road, she climbed out and walked slowly back towards her. The brunette didn't appear to have heard her so she moved as quietly as she could so as not to startle her. She hesitated, noting the unopened bottle of whiskey on the saddle bag, before sitting down beside her colleague. _

_The woman didn't look at her. She didn't even flinch. Keeping her gaze fixed on the town below them; she released a shaky breath and started to talk. _

"_I loved her." _

_Of all the things Sofia expected her to say, that wasn't on the list. She sent Sara a sideways glance, observing the silent tears trickling down her cheeks as she continued in a quiet, lost voice. _

"_Why would she do this to me?"_

X x x

_Sara didn't speak again, but willingly allowed Sofia to march her to the car and drive her home with the assurance that they would have a cop tow her bike back to the lab._

_Truth be told, she hadn't even known Sara had a motorbike. Then again, she didn't know Sara dated women either. _

_She had a good idea who the mystery lady was, but her companion was clearly not in any mood for an interrogation and Sofia wasn't going to push the issue until she was ready to talk. _

_Instead, she took her back to her own home and guided her inside. _

"_You don't have to do this." Sara mumbled shyly as the blonde frogmarched her to the couch. _

"_I'm not leaving you alone like this." She instructed her to sit and placed a cup of decaf coffee in her hands. "The last thing you need is to be alone right now."_

_It was a safe assessment to say that the women were not friends. In fact, Sara had made it exponentially clear that she had no intention of them ever becoming friends. Thus, the silence that surrounded them in the small apartment was anything but comfortable. However, since neither had any place better to be, they endured the awkwardness as they sipped on their drinks. _

_Eventually, Sara turned to her with a curious look in her eyes. _

"_What were you doing up there?" _

"_I could ask you the same thing." Sofia retorted coolly, sitting forward to place her mug on the coffee table. _

_Sara sighed, turning her attention to a particularly enthralling spot on the floor. _

"_Catherine … cheated on me." She managed to stutter out at last, tears reforming in her dark eyes. "I … it was either there or a bar."_

"_Well, I'm glad you picked there." Sofia hummed, nudging her gently with her shoulder. _

_She knew it must have taken some guts for Sara to admit something so private to her, especially considering the state of their relationship, but she wasn't exactly sure what to say in return. She had no problem with Sara dating women, of course. But she had little experience of dealing with broken-hearted lesbians. _

_Luckily for her, Sara didn't seem in the mood to listen to consolation anyway as she stood up and began pacing around the small apartment. _

"_If she didn't want to be with me anymore why couldn't she just tell me?" She asked rhetorically, throwing her hands up. "God knows, she tells me everything else that's on her mind." _

_She paused mid-rant, casting a wary gaze towards the couch where Sofia was busy setting up a bed. _

"_What are you doing?" She asked suspiciously. _

"_You're not going home in this state." Sofia stated firmly, gesturing to the tears flowing unnoticed down Sara's cheeks. "You can have my bed or the couch, you choose." _

_She didn't know why she was asking; she already knew which option Sara would take. _

X x x

She released a deep breath, watching it form in a cloud around her.

She hadn't even realised how late it had gotten. Grave shift had started twenty minutes ago – it was a miracle Grissom hadn't phoned to find out where she was.

Right on cue, her cell phone trilled.

"Hey Grissom, I know I'm late for assignments…" She figured she'd get her apology in before he could tear her a new one, but he cut her off abruptly.

And what he said made her blood run cold.

X x x

Catherine threw her head back against the metal locker, squeezing her eyes tight closed.

The lab had fallen oddly quiet since her and Sofia had been hauled into Ecklie's office and given a dressing down for arguing in the hallway. She was beginning to understand how Sara must have felt after their public fight.

Except Sara had been suspended; they had only gotten a written warning. This time.

She had no idea how long she had been hiding in here – she'd been far too distracted to worry about cases tonight so she'd let Nick and Warrick decide between them which ones they were taking. 'Duke it out', she had said. They were probably back by now.

With a reluctant sigh she pushed herself away from the lockers in a move to track them down, when Sara suddenly came bursting through the door at such a speed that she catapulted herself into Catherine's arms.

"Hey, what's wrong?" Cath asked, not sure whether she should be scared or turned on by the fact that Sara made no effort to put any distance back between them.

"Grissom's been trying to call you for ages!" She breathed, grabbing the blonde's arms in order to steady herself.

Catherine was well aware of this. She'd been purposefully avoiding answering because the last thing she needed was another lecture from the king of moral highness.

"He can wait." Cath finally – reluctantly – released Sara's shoulders and stepped away from her, but the younger woman wasn't finished with her yet. She grabbed her arm, swinging her back around.

"Look, Sara…" Whatever Cat was about to say died on her lips as the panic and fear in her ex's eyes finally registered. "What's going on?" She asked, clamping down on the surge of lust at the way Sara was biting her lower lip. Sara took a deep breath, her voice wavering as she spoke.

"Nick is missing."

X x x

It felt oddly strange to have the team united again under such traumatic circumstances.

Like meeting distant relatives at a funeral.

It was as if time had frozen around them while they huddled around the computer screen, staring at their stricken friend writhing pitifully in his Plexiglas coffin.

Catherine wasn't even aware that she was shaking until she felt Warrick's strong arm wrap around her waist. She cast a sideways glance at her colleagues. Archie, unable to watch any longer, was holding himself up on the table with his gaze fixed to the floor. Greg was shaking his head in loss at what he was seeing. Sara had silent tears trekking down her ghost-white face.

Nobody said a word as they watched, stunned into immobility, while Nick fought a helpless battle against the confines of his tomb.

X x x

She sniffled, wiping futilely at her eyes. For every tear she wiped away, another took its place.

The locker room was oddly quiet, compared to the panic-stricken hustle of the rest of the lab. If not for the ghostly memory of her last conversation with Nick ricocheting around her mind, she probably would have heard the soft footsteps approaching before the warm hand appeared on her shoulder.

Catherine wiped hurriedly at her eyes, although she didn't know why because Sara had seen her cry enough times in the past.

Hell, she'd cried on their second date!

But after everything that had happened between the two of them in the last few months, it seemed almost inappropriate to display weakness in front of her former girlfriend.

She must have been silent for several minutes, because Sara began to shift uncomfortably beside her on the bench.

"We're going to find him." The younger woman assured her awkwardly. "Nick's tough, and he knows that we won't rest until we find him."

"I know." Cath sniffed, wiping at her eyes. "It's just … how scared must he feel, just lying there? He looked terrified."

She felt a gentle hand slide around her back, pulling her into a warm body. Instinctively, she leant into the embrace, letting her head fall against Sara's shoulder.

"Nicky will hold his own until we get there." Sara promised. "He'll be alright."

Catherine lifted her head, her watery blue eyes seeking out Sara's. She leant towards the brunette, the need for comfort momentarily taking over any functioning logic she possessed at the moment.

For a whole minute neither realised what was happening. It was Sara who ended the impromptu kiss, pulling back and fixing her with a wide-eyed look.

Cath instantly realised that she had gone too far and opened her mouth to apologise but nothing came out. And by the time she found her voice, Sara had vanished.


	7. Savin' me

**This ended up being more Grave Danger than I'd intended, but I hope you like it anyway. Let me know what you think  
**

**x x x x**

You didn't have to look far to find someone who could testify to Catherine's tendency to identify with distraught parents; but she had never felt such empathy as she did watching Judge Bill Stokes and his wife staring at their terrified son on the screen.

Jillian was the first to crack, pushing past them into the hallway and leaning her back against the glass wall. The Judge continued to watch for a moment longer, mumbling something softly under his breath before following suit. Catherine and Grissom remained in the dimmed lab, watching the devastated parents share a private embrace in the corridor.

Perhaps it was due to her own maternal feelings towards Nicky, but this wasn't just any compassion she held for the Stokes'.

She shook her head slowly, her gaze settling on the timer at the bottom of the screen.

Four hours, one minute and twenty eight seconds. And counting.

This wasn't right; she couldn't just do nothing…

X x x

"Sam?" It had meant to be a forceful interruption to the conversation, but instead her voice had come out weak and vulnerable.

Frank Gorshin, a man she had known and disliked since her dancing days, turned to her with a lopsided grin and spoke up in a bad Ed Sullivan voice.

"Oh, miss, I like my coffee with cream and sugar, and I want you to give the r-r-really big check to really big Sam over here."

The table reacted with giggles to the joke; with the exception of Sam who was staring at Catherine with an unreadable expression.

She cleared her throat, straightening up a bit and projecting more power into her voice this time. "Sam, I need to talk to you."

The blonde women who had draped herself over Sam sat forward, flashing the CSI a malevolent smile.

"He's already got someone to talk to, ma'am."

Ordinarily Catherine might have reacted to that, but right now she couldn't care less about this woman-child her father was probably humping.

"Zip it, sweetheart." She retorted swiftly. "Sam…"

The man retracted his arms from the back of the couch and stood up, his blue eyes never breaking the connection with her own.

"Everyone, I'd like for you to meet my daughter, Catherine." He smiled tightly, stepping towards her. Frank made another wisecrack but neither heard it as Sam excused them and guided her towards the bar.

A part of her felt sick at having to come to him for this, but there was no one else. And for Nick, she was willing to suck it up.

Sam had once told her that if she or Lindsey ever needed anything she could always go to him. When she found out he'd killed a woman, she had sworn to herself that she was never going to ask this man for help no matter how dire the situation.  
But that was before someone had taken Nick. She just hoped the offer was still open.

Sam seemed to have picked up on her reluctance to come to him as he scrutinised her with narrowed eyes.

"I'm not here as a cop." She assured him when he questioned her motives.

"Then ask me like you were my daughter."

For a moment neither spoke, as Catherine weighed up her options. She could walk out of here with her dignity intact and try to convince Ecklie to have another go at persuading the Undersheriff to raise the money.

Or she could bite the bullet and accept that this time she needed Daddy's help.

"Please." She begged, her voice suddenly timid and weak again. "There's no one else I can ask – I need you."

X x x

Warrick stared into his open locker for a moment, before closing it softly and sitting down on the bench.

"No." He murmured, shaking his head. Everything around him felt surreal at the moment; as long as his best friend was in distress, he couldn't function properly.

"Hey." He turned, surprised to find Sara leaning against the door, watching him with sad eyes. "You okay?"

"No." He shook his head, gesturing for her to take a seat beside him.

"Me neither." She agreed, accepting the offer and leaning tiredly against his shoulder. "I can't believe how long he's held out. If that were me…"

Warrick, still haunted by his earlier conversation with Catherine, hummed in agreement.

"Any luck with the ants?" He asked, changing the subject and taking the moment to subtly wipe at his eyes.

"Grissom's still looking. And the guys are examining the coffin that the dog was in, so hopefully …"

Before she could finish, Catherine burst into the room with a inelegant clatter.

"Grissom's got something for us!" She barked, hurriedly scuttling back out. They shared a hopeful look, already chasing after her.

X x x

Catherine's heart was pounding almost as much as it had been when Sara was sprinting through the lab to get the location. They were so close now, she could feel it.

The detector clipped to her belt was beeping at regular intervals, steadily picking up the trace of the webcam transmitter. She was so focussed on where she was pointing the wand that she barely even noticed where she was putting her feet, until she tripped over a small pipe sticking out of the ground.

Flashing her torch to the ground, she spotted another a few feet away and a quickly located a small bag containing the transmitter.

And then everything happened at once.

"We got you Nicky!" She hollered, watching as Warrick and Sara frantically swept the dirt off the Plexiglas box and the frantic Texan slowly came into view beneath the soil and condensation.

Her cell phone trilled, dragging her away from the eventful rescue.

"We found him!" She barked excitedly to Hodges. "We're getting him out now." The lab rat, however, quickly sapped her breathless enthusiasm. "You've got to be kidding me!" She gasped, casting a glance towards the booby-trapped hole.

Where Sara was currently standing.

Snapping her phone shut, she sprinted back towards them, waving her hands frantically.

"Sara…everybody out of the hole! That box is ready to explode!"

X x x

They stood like soldiers standing guard over a wounded trooper, watching the ambulance drive away. Sombrely, they continued to stare until the flashing blue lights faded into the blackness ahead and left them with nothing but the deafening silence of the desert.

Grissom was the first to make a sound, releasing a heavy sigh and causing a cloud to form in front of him.

"I want my guys back."

X x x

Warrick stretched his long achy legs out, never tearing his green eyes from Nick's slumbering face. Beside him, Catherine stirred. Her sleepy gaze drifted around the room, eventually settling on the bed.

Stokes Senior and Mrs Stokes had gone to make some phone calls to the extended family, leaving their youngest child in the CSIs' capable hands.

"He still asleep?" She asked, stifling a yawn.

"Yeah, he hasn't moved an inch." Warrick confirmed, sending her a sly sideways glance. "Are you alright? Sounded like you were having some pretty funky dreams."

She paused mid-stretch, casting her eyes towards him.

"What do you mean?" She asked as casually as she could, scanning her mind for any vague memory that might still be floating in her subconscious. He shrugged, handing her a glass of water from the bedside table.

"You were tossing about and mumbling. You kept saying Sara's name."

Her cheeks turned beetroot and she took a purposefully long sip of the drink. When she finally dared a look at his face she was relieved to see that he was watching her with concern, rather than amusement. Clearly the stress was leading him to assume the worst.

"I guess the last few hours have really gotten to me." She laughed softly, hoping he would buy the excuse. Thankfully, he seemed to have as he placed a firm hand on her shoulder and squeezed it gently, holding her gaze.

"Hey, Nick's fine; Sara's fine, Greg's fine…everyone's okay now." He assured her. "No one is ever going to do this to us again."

She nodded gratefully, leaning into his strong chest as much as the unyielding plastic chairs would allow.

As they lapsed into a comfortable silence and watched Nicky sleep, she couldn't help quietly wondering what her dream had been about.

There was no denying that this had changed her priorities. Perhaps there was a chance it had changed Sara's too.

X x x

"I know he's in hospital and there's nothing we can do," Greg hummed, gesturing lazily with a piece of cold bacon. "But it still feels like we should be doing something, you know?"

"Soon Greggo." Sara assured him. "When he's stabilised we can go see him."

On cue, her cell phone vibrated at her hip and she excused herself from the booth to answer it.

"So, what happens now?" Sofia asked, breaking the silence that the brunette's departure had left.

"Ecklie's currently in a meeting with the Undersheriff to try and reshuffle the teams." Grissom answered, wiping at the corner of his mouth. None of them had realised just long it had been since they had eaten until Nick was safely at the hospital and, with little else to do, they had relocated en mass to Frank's.

"I bet that's going real well." Brass chuckled dryly. "McKeen does not like change."

Having finished with the measly amount of food she'd ordered, Sofia pushed her plate away and turned to Gil to press further.

"Do you think he'll condense the Swing and Grave members into one shift?"

"Maybe." He shrugged. "But if you're still considering moving over to policing, now might be the time to mention it."

"You want to be a cop?" Jim asked, intrigued.

Before she could answer Sara reappeared at the table, waving her phone in the air.

"That was Catherine – Nick's awake and he's asking to see us."

Greg was on his feet in a flash, already donning his coat.

"I'll drive." Brass stretched, handing Sara her jacket and sliding past the table.

"You not coming?" Sara queried when the other two remained in the booth.

"You guys go on." Grissom said. "We're going to catch up with Ecklie and then we'll go visit him later when it's a bit quieter."

"Suit yourselves." Greg shrugged, snatching a piece of toast off Sofia's abandoned plate before following his colleagues into the parking lot.

It was still early, the sun barely above the horizon. If they were lucky, they might be able to take Nicky home by nightfall.

X x x

Catherine felt herself relax as she walked through her front door. Her whole body ached with the tensions of the last few hours, more than even she'd realised.

There had been an odd sense of relief as the team left the hospital. They felt like … well, like a team again. Having the boys and Sara in one room together seemed to have regained the sense of camaraderie that they had lost over the previous months spent apart.

"Hi, you're back!" Emma greeted warmly, wrapping her in a tight hug. "How is he?"

"He's … safe." Cath shrugged, not having the energy to search for a full description of Nick's physical and emotional state as of present.

"I bet you're shattered." Ems continued, hustling her towards the lounge where she took her coat and handed her a previously prepared mug of hot tea.

"Thank you." Catherine hummed, savouring the first taste. Milk and a mountain of sugar, just how she liked it.

"So, what happens now?" Emma asked as they both dropped onto the couch. She began kneading Cath's shoulders, feeling the knots loosen beneath her hands. "On the phone you said something about changing the shifts around?"

"Yeah, Ecklie had a meeting with McKeen to see about getting the old team back together." She explained, almost purring at the massage. "Grissom wasn't happy about being it being broken up in the first place and I think this was the final straw for him."

"So, you and the boys will be moving back to Grave?" The younger woman pressed, trying to get her head around how that could possibly work. "So you'd be on the same team as Sara and Grissom again?"

"Yeah, and Greg." Cath answered absently, stretching her arms until her elbows emitted a painful click. "And Sofia, I suppose."

"Doesn't that mean you'd be demoted?" Emma pointed out.

"I guess." Cath shrugged tiredly. "Grissom and Ecklie are working something out. You know what, I don't even care." She rolled her shoulders one last time and stood up stiffly. "I'm going to go upstairs, give my daughter a kiss and then soak in the bath for the next few hours."

With a determined sigh, she pressed a kiss to Emma's lips and dragged her heavy feet upstairs, leaving her girlfriend alone to contemplate this new development.

As soon as the footsteps upstairs faded, her look darkened.

Working together again … in close quarters … with her ex.

X x x

Catherine sank into the bubbles, letting the hot water relax her muscles.

As she closed her eyes, losing herself to a sweet, drowsy state of bliss, she couldn't help but reflect on her phone call with Sara.

It had only been brief but there had been no tension, no snappy comments or sarcasm. Sara had actually thanked her. And at the hospital she had even brought her a cup of coffee.

To her surprise, Sara seemed to have forgotten all about their awkward encounter in the locker room yesterday. Catherine told herself that that probably had more to do with Nick, but a small part of herself couldn't help but wonder whether it meant they were on the road to forgiveness.

Maybe, if she played her cards right, this could mean a fresh start for them.


	8. Little by little

**Thank you to everyone reading and especially to those reviewing :) With uni out for summer I have very little to live for right now and you guys make my day. **

**Also, we will be delving into Catherine's past some more in future chapters :) **

**Extra points for those who know which episode I refer to in this one :P  
**

**x x x x**

"I can't believe her." Nancy muttered, shaking her blonde hair out sullenly. "She still hasn't called, you know."

"Why don't you call her first?" Lily suggested, placing two steaming mugs on the table and sinking heavily into a seat.

Nancy snorted, snatching her drink up.

"Why should I?" She barked. "I'm not the one in the wrong."

"Yes, but you and I both know what happens when you play the silent-treatment game with Catherine." Lily reasoned. "She can ignore you for years just to make a point."

Sadly, she knew this from bitter experience. One blazing argument had led to seven years of silence from her eldest child, culminating in an overdose and a late night phone call from the hospital.

She knew better than to push Catherine away.

"She's not making a point." Nancy grunted. "Emma has her wrapped around her little finger." She took a long mouthful of her drink, tapping her manicured nails on the side of the mug. "I mean, I'm not set on the idea of her dating a woman at all, but at least Sara was nice." She continued.

"Nancy!"

"What?" The young woman shrugged apathetically. "I'm not homophobic; it's just different when it's your own sister." She snatched up a scone from the plate sitting between them and waved it accusatorially at her mother before taking a large bite. "Anyway, you're not thrilled about it either!"

"It's not the lifestyle I would have chosen for her." Lily admitted with a sigh. "But when has Catherine ever listened to what I've said." She hadn't wanted her child to become a cocaine-addled stripper either, but once upon a time that had been the case.

"Like I said, she's whipped." Nancy stated. "People like Emma – and Eddie – just have this power of controlling her. It's sickening… no, it's pathetic."

Lily nodded feebly at her youngest daughter, opting to keep her opinions to herself this time. She knew from past experience that once Nancy went off on one there was no point offering reason – she wouldn't hear it anyway.

The sound of little footsteps approached and Jeremy skidded into the room halfway through the conversation.

"Who are you talking about?" He asked curiously, reaching across the table to help himself to a snack.

"Your aunty Catherine needs a kick up the backside sometimes." Nancy replied, ruffling his unruly dirty-blonde hair.

"Nancy." Lily chastised with a scowl.

"She does." The nurse snorted. "It might knock some sense into her."

"Lindsey doesn't like Emma." Jeremy piped up again, assuming that was the topic of discussion. "She says she's annoying and she won't play with her like Sara used to."

"I must admit, she is a bit brusque." Lily hummed in agreement, recalling one particularly unforgettable visit.

X x x

"_Cathy!" Lily called, nudging the front door closed behind her. "It's only me!"_

_Receiving no reply, she shrugged and wandered through the house anyway, helping herself to a cup of coffee. _

_After several minutes, the floorboards above began to creak and muffled voices approached the stairs. Lily sipped her coffee idly, waiting for her daughter and the new lover to appear. _

"_Mom, nice to see you." Catherine drawled sarcastically, making a deliberate effort not to look too flustered as she began flitting around the kitchen under the guise of tidying up. _

_Lily hummed in response, quirking an eyebrow at Emma. She was under no illusion as to why they had been too busy to answer the door, but she wasn't going to make it an issue. Catherine was an adult, after all and this was her house. Even if it was the middle of the afternoon. _

"_I came to see Lindsey, but I take it she's not here?"_

"_She's at a rehearsal for her school play." Cath explained. "Which reminds me, I'm meant to be picking up another kid when I collect her. I wrote his address down somewhere…" she disappeared into the lounge in search of the scrap of paper. This was becoming a frequent enough habit that she was considering adopting Sara's approach of scribbling important bits of information on her arm. _

_It had always made for interesting post-coitus reading material._

_Alone in the kitchen with Catherine's mother, Emma sidled up to the table and rested her hands on the back of a chair, fixing Lily with a cold look. _

"_You know, if you're going to be coming by you really should phone ahead." She recommended coolly. _

"_Catherine's my daughter." Lily pointed out, slightly taken aback. "I didn't realise I needed to book in to see her." _

"_She's still an adult." Emma retorted. "She's entitled to her privacy. Maybe you could join a club or something."_

"_A club?" Lily repeated, confused. _

"_Yeah, bowls or something." The young blonde shrugged. "Somewhere where you can meet people your own age to hang out with."_

_Lily blinked, stunned into silence by the insinuation that she was some lonely old woman living off her children's social lives. Unable to form a suitable response, she snatched her purse from the table and stood up, her blue eyes still searching Emma's face for any sign that she was joking. Finding none, she quickly made her way to the door, only to meet Catherine in the threshold. _

"_Found it." She explained proudly. "He lives in Henderson…you leaving?" She paused, noting her mother's expression. Lily gave Emma a final once over before addressing her daughter in a sharp voice. _

"_Yes, I'm sorry I interrupted you. I'll get out of your way…" she shuffled to the front door, leaving Catherine to stare after her in loss. _

"_Okay then…bye." She frowned, turning to Emma. "What was that about?"_

_Emma shrugged nonchalantly, ambling closer and throwing her arms around Cath's neck. "Maybe she was uncomfortable about me being here." She offered half-heartedly. "You know, her generation really don't get it." _

"_Hmm, maybe." Cath hummed, although that really did not sound like her mom._

_At least, she'd never had a problem with Sara. _

X x x

"Linds, don't go too far ahead."

Lindsey slowed down a little, but ensured to keep enough of a distance between herself and the women that people wouldn't automatically know they were together. A _family. _

Happy to drift behind her, Catherine and Emma wandered hand-in-hand through the mall; drifting past a coffee booth, where a woman who looked desperately in need of caffeine was gently rocking a pram. Inside it was the likely cause of her exhaustion; two squirming, squeaking little newborns.

"Aw." Cath smiled, catching the eye of the mother who returned the gesture proudly.

"What?" Emma asked, casting a brief glance into the pushchair as they passed by.

"Twins." Cath grinned, gesturing back to the little family.

"Small, pink, wet noise-makers." Emma scrunched her nose up distastefully.

"Yeah, but there's two of them!" Cath smiled brightly, linking her arm with Emma's and leaning into her.

"Babies." Emma grunted. "I've never seen the appeal myself – they're just an inconvenience until you can ship them off to college." She sent her girlfriend a sideways glance, raising an eyebrow. "Why, you wouldn't want another one would you?"

"I don't know," Cath shrugged. "Maybe."

"Well, it's a good thing you're too old to have any more than isn't it?" Emma laughed, pressing a kiss to her cheek. "Because I certainly couldn't date someone with a baby. That one's bad enough." She pointed ahead to where Lindsey was still ambling idly a few feet away from them.

She was sure it was a joke, but Catherine took offence all the same. She stepped away, turning to her girlfriend with an affronted frown. However, before she could even decide which insult to contest first, Lindsey's voice trilled Sara's name and the women looked up to see her catapult herself across the mall into a surprised brunette's arms.

"Hey, monkey!" Sara greeted, catching her easily and swinging her around playfully.

"Hi." Cath smiled, catching them up. Emma shifted behind her, offering a half-smile half-grimace to the ex.

"Hey," Sara greeted the adults, with Lindsey still hanging off her. "I see you're enjoying your day off." She joked.

"Well, the sun's shining so we thought, why not?" Cath agreed jovially.

"So, you'd thought you spend the day indoors?" Sara mocked teasingly. Catherine shrugged, flashing her a grin and gesturing towards the high ceiling.

"Air conditioning."

Sara pursed her lips, turning her attention to Lindsey who was playing with the many zips on her leather jacket.

"I heard your recital went well." She smiled down at the child.

"Yeah," Lindsey agreed excitedly. "You have to come and see the next one."

Sara glanced up, looking between the two women uncertainly. Catherine looked unfazed by the request, but Emma was clearly not impressed.

"Well, we'll see." She hummed, carefully extracting herself from the hug.

"Come on Linds," Cath lightly gripped her arm, tugging her away. "Let's leave Sara to get on with her shopping."

The two CSIs shared a small smile and a polite nod, something which did not go unnoticed by either Emma or Lindsey as they departed.

"What the hell was that?" Emma muttered under her breath as they walked away.

"What?" Cath asked in a puzzled voice, holding onto Lindsey's hand to stop her from running off again.

"You were flirting with her."

"I was not."

"Oh, you were so flirting." Emma barked, gesturing to the ceiling in a mocking fashion.

"How do you get from air-con to flirting?" Cath quirked an eyebrow in bemusement.

Either deciding against starting a public fight, or realising that Catherine wasn't going to accept her views either way, Emma rolled her eyes and stropped off ahead.

Utterly lost by the sudden change in mood, Catherine sent her child a baffled look.

"What did I do now?"

Lindsey, tired of watching the pair bicker, snatched her hand back and headed in the same direction that Emma had gone, leaving Cath to slope after them both alone.

X x x

She blew the same stubborn strand of hair out of her eyes again, never tearing her gaze from her notes. The case had been … interesting. A man with a fetish, a wife with a lover and a seriously pissed off step-daughter.

Right now she wanted nothing more than to finish off her paperwork, go home and fall into bed.

That is, until Sara wandered in with a better offer.

"I like what you've done with the place."

The voice drew her from her work and she lifted her eyes to find the brunette smirking at her. It suddenly dawned on her that Sara hadn't been in her office before – since she'd only got it after the team had been split up, she'd had no reason to come in.

Which begged the question, what was she doing here now?

When Catherine continued to blink at her unresponsively Sara started to shift from one foot to the other awkwardly.

"We were thinking of going out for breakfast – celebrate our first case solved together again." She explained her presence. "You in?"

All thoughts of sleep forgotten, Cath nodded eagerly.

"Sure, just give me a few minutes." She smiled softly.

Sara mirrored the action and turned to leave, but Cath suddenly found her voice and called her back.

"Sara…were you planning on telling me you stopped seeing the departmental shrink?" She asked carefully, peering at her over the top of her glasses.

"I didn't think it was important." Sara answered, trying to hide her surprise behind a smile. "I went the mandatory two times."

"Sar, you were attacked – you could have been killed. And then with everything that happened to Nick…"

"I'm fine." Sara assured her, her defences rising against the intrusive line of questioning from her former girlfriend.

"So that's it? You're done?" Cath pressed, her concern overruling any social boundaries she may be crossing.

"I didn't think it was helping me." The woman insisted cagily. Cath took off her glasses slowly, offering what she hoped was a sympathetic smile.

"You didn't really give it much chance." She pointed out.

"Catherine," Sara sighed, resting her hands on the back of the vacant chair in front of her. "I can't talk to a stranger about how I feel from one minute to the next."

Settled that she had said all she needed to, she turned to leave. Catherine considered letting her go, but apparently her mouth had other ideas and called her back again.

Sara paused in the doorway, taking a deep breath before turning around.

To her surprise, Catherine's cheeks had suddenly flushed pink and she was fiddling nervously with a pen.

"Lindsey really enjoyed seeing you yesterday." She mumbled shyly. "You should come over sometime; she'd love to spend some time with you."

Sara suddenly looked uneasy.

"Yeah, maybe." She shrugged uncomfortably, slinking backwards out of the office. "We're meeting in the locker room in a few minute to go to Frank's."

Catherine watched her go sadly. She'd thought after Sara had been so happy to see them in the mall, maybe it was a step towards friendship; but it seemed she'd underestimated Sara's reluctance to spend time with her.

With that knowledge settling on her heart, she tossed her pen onto the desk and slapped the folder shut.

The paperwork would still be there tonight.

X x x

It was an odd little gathering.

Sofia, donning her new detective's badge, and Brass had joined the newly reformed Grave team; resulting in the need for a bigger table and more chairs.

As they gathered around the two small tables they'd pushed together, tucking into their greasy breakfasts and slurping their tepid coffee, there was a real sense of solidarity and comradeship for the first time in months.

Catherine was the only one not sharing the enthusiasm as she pushed her food around her plate, lost in her thoughts.

She was hungry, there was no denying that, but every time she lifted a mouthful of bacon towards her lips, Emma's words came back to haunt her.

"…_you've put some weight on recently…"_

"…_that top is way too tight on you, love…"_

"…_good thing you're too old…"_

Sara cocked her head to the side, watching Catherine curiously from across the table. She knew it had been a while since the two of them had worked together, but something had changed about the strawberry-blonde. She seemed almost to have reverted into herself. She was less talkative, less confident in her movements.

It was a safe assumption that Catherine's new girlfriend had something to do with her change in demeanour. Most people would forgive Sara if she said Cath deserved it after what she'd done, but she couldn't bring herself to be that callous. She still cared for the older CSI, even if her betrayal had felt like a bullet to the heart.

Cath must have caught her staring because she sent her an inquisitive smile. Sara shook herself out of it, quickly snatching up another bagel in an attempt to distract herself from her silent musings.

Catherine's smile faded slightly at the reaction, but she couldn't help wondering what thoughts had been going through the enigmatic young woman's mind as she was scrutinising her.

Maybe she was reconsidering her offer.


	9. Stone cold sober

"I can't fucking believe you!" Emma slammed her coffee mug onto the counter and turned on Catherine, who was lurking sheepishly by the kitchen door.

"I'm sorry. I forgot." She shrugged helplessly. "It was a tough shift."

"Of course it was." Emma growled in a low voice, taking a step towards her. "It's always a tough shift! I told you three times what time we were supposed to be going!"

"I was supporting a friend!" Catherine responded earnestly. "What? Do you want me to drop everything whenever you want to go out?"

"Yes!" Emma snapped. "I'm your girlfriend, I should come first!"

Catherine scoffed, shaking her head.

"Well, I'm sorry you feel that way." She replied. "Jim has always been there for me – I wasn't about to abandon him in a time of need just because you want me to accompany you to some art show!"

"Mom?" The cautious little voice was followed by a pair of bright blue eyes peeking around the kitchen door frame.

Cath whirled around, blinking rapidly at her daughter in an attempt to hide the angry tears stinging at her eyes.

"Lindsey, go upstairs." She ordered in a clipped tone.

"Let her stay." Emma countered harshly, waving a disregarding hand at the child. "It's not like she never saw you and Eddie fighting. I bet she's seen him knock seven bells out of you!"

"Mom…" Linds repeated, stepping closer to her mother in an act of defence as she glowered at Emma across the kitchen. Catherine, however, pushed her away gently.

"Upstairs, now!" She snapped, a little harsher than she'd intended.

Lindsey's tiny face scrunched up but she refused to let her tears fall in front of the women. Following the instruction, she quickly scampered back upstairs, where she curled against the banister and listened to the continuance of the fight.

Once she was sure Lindsey was out of earshot, Catherine spun on her heel, her blue eyes flashing with rage.

"How dare you talk to me like that in front of my daughter?!" She barked.

"Oh come off it Cat," Emma snarled. "She watched your ex beat the shit out of you every night for years! Do you really think she has any respect left for you?"

"My marriage is none of your damn business." Cath said through gritted teeth. "You have no idea what happened between us."

With an evil grimace, Emma stepped closer; so close that Catherine could smell the liqueur from her coffee on her breath.

"I know exactly what happened – you married an abuser because you just _love_ to play the victim."

By the time Catherine realised what she was doing it was too late. Emma recoiled at the slap, her eyes widening in shock.

"You bitch!" She growled, launching at her girlfriend. The attack took the older woman by surprise and, unable to keep her balance, she found herself pinned on the floor. She attempted feebly to fight her way upright but the slender woman atop her was surprisingly strong.

"Get off me!" Cath shrieked, struggling furiously against the restraining grip on her wrists.

At the top of the stairs, Lindsey clamped a hand over her mouth to suppress the sob attempting to escape. Though she couldn't see what was going on, she knew her mom wasn't coming out of it so well. Still, last time she'd tried to defend her it had been thrown back in her face.

Unable to listen any longer, she crawled to her bedroom and kicked the door shut, leaning heavily against it as she finally let her cries escape.

"You like to be abused Catherine? You like to feel weak and helpless?" Emma taunted her, struggling to maintain her grip of the feisty CSI. Somehow Catherine managed to flip them over and for a heartbeat she felt powerful again. That is, until a hand lashed out and long nails clawed the side of her neck. Shocked, Catherine quickly climbed off and retreated to the other side of the room, her eyes wide and scared.

Emma took her time picking herself up and dusting her clothes off before taking two slow steps towards Catherine.

"Cat, hon…" She began softly.

"Don't…" Cath held up her hands, backing up as far as the counter would allow. "Don't touch me." When Emma made no effort to move any closer, she used opportunity to quickly dart out of the back door, letting it slam behind her.

X x x

She rubbed her thumb over her badge, memorising the feel of the familiar logo. She had been cleared of shooting Officer Bell; but the feeling was bittersweet. A young police officer was still dead, three children had lost their daddy and her best friend was going to have to live with the guilt that he'd killed a cop.

The same guilt that she had been feeling since that fatal shot rang out. It almost seemed wrong that she felt relief at having been cleared.

A gentle hand on her shoulder drew her from her musings and she looked up, blissfully unaware of the damp streaks on pale cheeks. Sara was standing behind her, an understanding smile playing on her lips.

"It sucks, huh?" She asked rhetorically, taking a seat in the next chair. "No matter which way you look at it, no one wins this round."

Not quite trusting herself to form words yet, Sofia just shook her head glumly. When she didn't respond, Sara nudged her gently.

"How are you holding up?" She asked, determined to get a reaction from the blonde.

"It's not me you should be worried about." Sofia sniffed, slipping her badge back into her pocket.

Sara pursed her lips, dropping her gaze into her lap.

"Hey, I'm sorry about earlier." She began softly. She felt Sofia's watery blue eyes turn to her, searching her face. "I had no right to say that … it's just been a really long couple of days."

"Yeah, tell me about it." Sofia agreed, choking out a humourless laugh.

Realising that was all she was going to get and satisfied that the issue was settled, Sara began to shift uncomfortably in the silence that followed.

"Hey," she said at last. "You want to get a drink, or something?"

Sofia sat forward, resting her hands on her knees and releasing a shaky breath.

"I think alcohol is the last thing I need right now." She answered at last, flicking her eyes up to Sara's face. "But thanks anyway."

"Sure." Sara nodded in understanding. "You want me to give you a ride home?"

Sofia considered declining, but the thought of driving herself home required more effort than she was willing to give.

"Thanks." She mumbled at last, allowing Sara to pull her to her feet and guide her through the eerily deserted waiting room towards the parking lot.

X x x

She stared at her bed forlornly.

She knew she needed to sleep, but her body just wouldn't relax. After Sara had dropped her off, she'd neglected to ask her in and now she was seriously regretting it. She needed the company. But the brunette had looked just as tired and she would probably have gone straight to bed as soon as she got home.

Something Sofia had been trying to do for the best part of an hour now.

Deciding that she was just too wired to sleep, she moved into the living room and sank onto the couch. The silence in her flat was deafening. She needed to get out of here for a while; somewhere where there was noise and bustle.

She considered calling Jim to go for a drink, but quickly disregarded the idea. The last thing Jim would need right now is to drown his sorrows – if he wasn't already. But there was someone she could call.

Swaying to her feet, she reached for the spot where her car keys usually lay before she remembered that Sara had driven her home. Instead, she grabbed the phone and dialled the one cab company whose number she knew off by heart.

X x x

Sara rolled her shoulders as she climbed the stairs to her apartment. She was physically, mentally and emotionally drained – all she wanted to do was crawl into bed and sleep for the next ten hours.

However, when she got to the top of the stairs and rounded the corner, she was stopped in her tracks by the sight of a lonely figure slumped against her apartment door.

X x x

Emma slid the doors open as quietly as she could and stepped onto the patio, a steaming cup of coffee in her hands.

"Go away." Catherine mumbled, not bothering to turn around. Her body still ached from her crash landing on the kitchen floor and the angry scratch on her neck stung with every brush from the cold breeze as she leant against her patio railing, staring out across her paved back yard.

She missed her garden. Having spend a large part of her life living in dingy flats with no windows, she loved spending long lazy summer days planting flowers of every conceivable colour. Now her garden looked cold and sterile.

"Don't be like that." Emma cooed softly, sidling up to her and holding out the drink as a peace offering. Catherine stared at it for a long moment before shoving past her and stropping back into the house.

All patience and forgiveness Emma had built back up faded in that moment and with a sullen frown she tossed the mug onto the ground, watching it crack and smiling as the dark liquid stained the light wood. That wouldn't come back out with the rainfall, she thought idly to herself as she followed her girlfriend back inside.

"You know, you're the one who hit me!" she shouted, storming after her. When Catherine continued to ignore her she reached out and grabbed the strawberry-blonde's wrist, spinning her around. "I could call the police and tell them how my girlfriend slapped me across the face! Do you want that?"

Not even bothering to respond to the threat with an answer, Cath wrenched her hand free and turned to the stairs, but Emma was not going to be ignored. She grabbed the back of Catherine's black cardigan and threw her against the nearest wall.

"I don't have to stay here, you know." She threatened in a low voice, pressing her full weight against the CSI to hold her in place. "You want me to go and leave you all on your own?"

A different emotion suddenly flashed through Catherine's wide, startled eyes and she shook her head frantically.

"No, that's not what I want." She mumbled in a weak voice.

"I'll go…" Emma repeated, holding her gaze.

Their silent standoff was broken by a firm knock at the front door. Slowly, Emma stepped back and released her. Catherine hurriedly wiped at her eyes and tugged her sleeves down as far as they would go before moving to answer the interruption.

All thoughts of bruises and tears vanished from her mind when she opened the door.

Sara was stood on her doorstep with her hands on Lindsey's shoulders. Her daughter was staring resolutely at the ground.

"I found this at my apartment and I think it belongs to you." Sara quirked an eyebrow.

Catherine's jaw fell open silently and she resisted the urge to run upstairs and check that her daughter wasn't in fact still up there doing her homework like she should be.

"Lindsey…" she started, but words failed her as she tried to get her head around this.

"It's alright; she came straight to my flat." Sara assured the flustered woman, subtly flicking her eyes between Cath and Emma; who remained lurking at the bottom of the stairs.

"No offence Sar, but I've seen your neighbourhood and that doesn't fill me with comfort." Cath retorted, turning her attention back to her wayward child. "What were you thinking? Get inside."

"Why?" Lindsey replied angrily. "It's not like you care where I am – you hadn't even noticed I was missing!"

Catherine's mouth fell open for a second time and once again nothing came out.

"Linds," Sara warned softly, squeezing her shoulders. To everyone's surprise, Lindsey dropped her head and stropped into the house without further argument.

Catherine watched her push past before turning back to Sara, determinedly blinking back her tears.

"Thank you for bringing her back." She managed to mumble at last.

"No problem." Sara smiled sympathetically. "She'll be alright, just give her time."

With a final flick of her gaze towards the other woman, Sara disappeared back down the drive;, leaving Catherine to deal with the two females staring at her from opposite ends of the room.

Emma was the first to react, moving slowly towards her.

"Why don't you give me a call when you've dealt with your family dramas?" She hissed, snatching her purse up and following in the direction Sara had gone.

Catherine dropped her head sadly.

She hated to admit it, but Emma had hit the nail on the head. It didn't matter how much somebody hurt her, she would always go back to them. She couldn't face sleeping alone at night.

With a resigned sigh she lifted her gaze towards her rebellious young daughter, who was staring at the floor miserably.

"Alright Miss," she released a tired groan, running a hand through her hair. "Upstairs. I'll deal with you later."

Lindsey didn't wait to be asked twice.

Alone, Catherine dropped onto the bottom steps and let her head fall into her hands. She knew that Emma wouldn't have gone further than the bottom of the drive. Not yet. She would be waiting for Catherine to call her back.

She was scratched, she was bruised – although nothing more so than her ego. But she knew that she would still call. She always called.

Flicking her eyes to the phone she briefly considered the notion but quickly disregarded it. She didn't want to sleep alone; but right now she didn't really want to sleep with Emma either.

X x x

Sara hauled herself from the couch, sloping to the door.

Somebody seemed determined that she was not going to get any sleep yet. Her heart sank at the thought that this could be Lindsey again, or Catherine come to tell her what had been going on.

She knew she'd interrupted something at the Willows house. Lindsey had refused to tell her why she'd run away, but Sara could guess that her mother's new girlfriend had something to do with it. Perhaps they'd been fighting – she of all people knew how feisty Catherine could get when she was riled up. That would explain the weird tension in the house.

Ordinarily she would have happily allowed Cath to offload about her problems. But it was late, she was tired and quite frankly she was not in the mood to listen to her ex lament about the woman she had cheated on her with.

However, when she opened the door it wasn't Catherine or Lindsey staring back at her and no matter how exhausted she was, she just couldn't stay angry with those sad blue eyes.

"Sofia?" She queried softly.

When the blonde spoke her voice was hoarse and weak.

"I was wondering if you might still be interested in going for that drink."

Sara pursed her lips, releasing a heavy breath.

"You know, that's the best thing I've heard all day."

**x x x x**

**Before y'all get excited, Emma is not out of the picture yet and I promise this is not a SaSsy fic.**

**Feel free to leave a review and let me know what you think :)**


	10. One foot wrong

Her concentration was broken by the appearance of a brown paper bag in her line of sight. She flicked her blue eyes up, quirking an eyebrow in question.

"Toffee, you're favourite." Sara announced, shaking the bag temptingly until Cath took it and peered inside curiously. Just like the brunette promised, there was a sticky toffee donut adhering to the inside of the bag.

"Thank you." She mumbled. "What's brought this on?" Ordinarily she might have shown a little more enthusiasm and gratitude but she was far too tired to start jumping for joy at her ex's sweetness. She hadn't gotten any sleep and to add to her stress, her babysitter had cancelled last minute. Since she had yet to make up with Nancy, Lindsey was currently sitting in her office; supposedly doing her homework under threat of being handcuffed to the radiator if she so much as looked out of the room.

Sara, having ambled to the coffee pot to pour herself a mug of the steaming sludge, offered a nonchalant shrug.

"No reason. I assumed you'd need cheering up after your daughter's little Houdini escapades."

Catherine dropped her gaze, mumbling something incoherent in response to the comment.

Having finally caught up on her sleep, Sara's curiosity had been peaked and she was intent on finding out the reason behind Lindsey's actions. However, before she could press the issue, Gil wandered into the room and announced his presence with an unsubtle cough.

"Alright, I have two cases and currently only two CSIs." He declared, noting the two women and distinct lack of men as he wandered into the room nose deep in papers. "So, Sara, find Nick. Sofia's meeting you at the scene."

"Will do." The brunette smiled, accepting to slip and nodding to Cath on her way out. "Enjoy the donut."

Grissom frowned at the comment but shrugged it off and turned to the only remaining person. She was studiously staring at the table, seemingly trying to climb into the folder sitting in front of her.

"Catherine, you're with me." He continued. "We leave in five minutes."

"Yeah." She hummed absently, waiting until he left the room before lifting her gaze from the words that she had been pretending to read. With a resigned sigh she slammed the folder shut and heaved herself to her feet.

Making to leave, she caught a glimpse of the snack Sara had brought her. What the hell, she shrugged; she'd eat it on the way. Clutching it to her chest, she dragged her feet out to the car.

X x x

Sofia stopped short as she rounded the corner. Down the hall, Jim was chatting to the Undersheriff. As the conversation ended, she jogged to catch up with her friend.

"Hey, Jim." She called, coming to a halt beside him. "I heard the review board cleared you. That's … that's great news."

Having heard the same words several times already today, the detective offered a tight smile and a well-practiced grateful nod before realising who he was talking to and softening a little.

"Yeah, doesn't make it any easier to sleep at night though, does it?" He chuckled dryly. Judging by the bags under her eyes and extra layer of make-up, she was still reeling from her turmoil too.

"How're you holding up?" She asked, deflecting.

"I'm alright." He shrugged. "You know, focussing on work. What about you?"

"I'm…" she paused, thinking back to the night she'd been cleared. "I'm good." She nodded at last, a small smile creeping across her lips. "Don't go burying yourself in work – you won't find the answers you need in there." She warned softly, turning to leave.

"Still beats looking for them at the bottom of a bottle." He countered dryly, earning him a smile and a playful slap on the arm.

X x x

"Hey, Cat do you have…" Sara paused mid-sentence as she finally looked up from her file to note that the office was void of the strawberry-blonde.

Although it wasn't empty. At the sound of Sara's voice, Lindsey hopped off the couch and wrapped her arms around the brunette's middle.

"Hey Linds," she greeted warmly, returning the hug. "Where's your mom?"

"I don't know." Lindsey mumbled, burying her face in the woman's stomach. "She told me to stay here."

Carefully extracting herself from the child's fierce grip, Sara led her back to the couch.

"And why _are_ you here?" She asked, tucking a stray blonde wisp of hair behind Lindsey's ear.

"I'm grounded and mom couldn't find a babysitter." The girl mumbled, kicking her feet out sullenly.

"Ah." Sara bit back a smile. "This wouldn't have something to do with your little jailbreak the other night, would it?"

The moody silence she received in response was answer enough.

"Honeybee," She pressed gently, eliciting a small smile from the girl at the affectionate nickname. "Why did you run away?"

The little blonde looked up, her ocean-blue eyes wide and watery.

"I hate Emma – I want you to come back!" She threw herself against Sara's body, nestling into her arms. Sara felt her heart constrict in her chest.

"I know honey." She mumbled uncertainly. "But that's not going to happen."

"But mom was happy with you. Emma doesn't make her happy." Lindsey continued earnestly, looking up with a pleading gaze from her position.

"Relationships are complicated Linds." Sara continued, unsure of how much the kid actually knew and not wanting to ruin any illusions she had about her mother's fidelity. "Maybe you should give Emma a chance."

The words sounded wrong in her mouth, but she wasn't bitter enough to make Cath's life harder at home. Especially not if the relationship was already strained – angry or not, she wasn't in the habit of breaking people up.

"I don't like her." Lindsey pulled back, folding her arms across her chest.

"Why not?"

For a moment, Lindsey actually seemed to consider the question. But when she finally turned to answer, she was cut off by the entrance of a somewhat surprised Catherine and promptly snapped her mouth shut.

"Oh." Cath blinked, startled to find her daughter cuddled up on the couch with Sara.

"Hey," the brunette stood up, stroking Lindsey's hair a final time before turning her attention to her supervisor. "Grissom asked me to get the Phillips file from you."

"Right … the Phillips file." Cath repeated slowly, meandering to her desk with one eye still on Lindsey. The child was staring at the floor, a trademark action that Catherine had long since come to associate with a guilty conscience.

Once Sara departed with the information she needed, Catherine joined the pre-teen on the couch.

"What were you guys talking about?"

"Nothing." Lindsey shrugged sheepishly. "She was just helping me with my homework."

"I see." Cath hummed, not buying it in the slightest.

It wasn't that she didn't want Lindsey talking to her colleagues. What she did not want was her colleagues finding out what had been going on behind closed doors in the Willows house several hours ago.

X x x

"Hey Sar…" Nick drawled as he poured out two mugs of coffee. Sara quirked an eyebrow suspiciously, instantly recognising the tone of the Texan's voice. It meant he wanted something.

"Yeah?" She asked, playing along for the time being. He gave her a mug and a charming smile.

"Well, I was just thinking since you're single …"

Passing by the break room, Catherine skidded to a sudden halt, cocking her head to the side curiously.

"No." Sara cut him off bluntly.

"He's a good guy," Nick assured her. "He drives a Merc – S-class!"

"He could have shares in Lexus; I still don't do blind dates." She rebutted adamantly.

Still lurking outside the door, Cath released a relieved breath. For a moment she thought Nick was about to ask her out. As both CSIs turned around, she stepped out of sight – as out of sight as she could in a building with glass walls – and listened in.

"Why? You got any better offers that you're not telling me about?" Nick teased, nudging her playfully in the ribs.

"Yeah, like I'd tell you!" She retorted. "Last time I told any of you about my love life it had done the rounds of the lab before the end of shift."

"So, there is a love life to speak of." Nicky grinned, leaning closer. "Who's the lucky guy?" The taunting question drew a nervous laugh from Sara; it was a sound that Catherine recognised instantly. As with Lindsey, she had come to recognise Sara's tell-tale signs of guilt.

Biting her lip, she sent a silent prayer that she was wrong.

"Come on Sara, share with the family." Nick sing-songed, stalking her to the door. Catherine realised too late that they were leaving and panicked, backing herself against the glass in a vain attempted to become unnoticeable.

Sara, however, barely noticed her as she continued to thwart the man's attempts to pry into her private life. Nicky, not finished with his ribbing yet, flashed the blonde a grin and hurried down the hall; seemingly not in the slightest bit curious as to her conspicuous presence lurking in the middle of the corridor.

X x x

"Come on." Warrick grumbled, shaking the temperamental vending machine in frustration. The familiar sound of Doc Robbins cane signalled the coroner's approach down the hall, balancing a package in his free hand.

"Little late to be going to court." The coroner pointed out, gesturing to the sharp outfit Rick was donning as he sidled up behind the CSI.

"No, I'm not going to court." Warrick countered, turning to face him. "I'm taking my Lady Tina to that new Cirque show at the Wynn and I forgot my tickets in my locker.

"That's nice, but if you're looking for something to tide you over, look no further." Doc smiled, placing the package on a nearby table and sliding out a freshly-baked pie. "Busy night. Figured the lab could use a little lovin' from the oven."

"Oh, your wife made a pie." Warrick smiled. Mrs Robbins was a revered cook around the lab. Doc Robbins looked up, hurt clouding his blue eyes.

"I made the pie." He corrected firmly. "Strawberry rhubarb."

"I'm impressed." Rick hummed in an attempt to redeem himself. The coroner whipped out a knife and began slicing the pie, throwing a large slice onto a paper plate. Warrick raised his brow, taking a step back. "Let's take it easy with the cutting there, Doc." He warned. "It's starting to look like the hit-and-run on your table last week."

"Just try it." Al thrust the plate into Warrick's hands. "You know, it's vegan. Low fat, low sugar, low carb ..."

"Low taste." Warrick added, pulling a face.

Ignoring the comment, Al turned and caught a glimpse of Catherine wandering aimlessly down the hall. Still a little dazed from what she had just heard, she didn't see them in time to change direction.

"Catherine, Catherine, come here." He beckoned, already cutting her a new piece. "I need your opinion on this." He held out the plate with a big grin. "Try this."

"No, thank you." She shook her head, pushing the plate away. "I don't have much of an appetite."

"It's good." He assured her hopefully.

"No, I really can't." She attempted to swerve around him, knocking into Warrick in the process.

"You know, if you want to cleanse your taste buds, I suggest you try Doc Robbins' pie. Really." The dark-skinned man assured her, squeezing her shoulders gently and moving to leave.

"Yeah, that's why you're leaving it behind." She hollered after him. When she turned back, she found Doc Robbins watching her carefully, his head cocked to the side. "What?" She asked uneasily.

"You've lost weight." He stated randomly. "Are you eating okay?"

"I'm fine." She bristled, straightening up.

"You know, my wife's the one that convinced me to lose a few pounds; but you…"

"If you want to offload your pie onto someone, try Nick." Catherine cut him off coolly, stalking away as fast as her increasingly shaky legs would carry her.

Doc furrowed his brow in concern, watching her walk away. He couldn't believe he hadn't noticed it until now, but Catherine had lost more than a few pounds.

X x x

Sara hummed absently to herself, tapping her fingers on the edge of the table with her free hand as she dragged the UV light over the weapon looking for marks of blood or other body fluids.

The door was already open and the noise from the corridor blocked the sound of soft footsteps. If not for the pair of blue eyes peeping over the top of the bench, she wouldn't have even noticed that she was being watched. She smiled, clicking off the machine.

"I thought you were grounded?"

The little girl flinched, realising that she'd been busted.

"I got bored." She answered, creeping around the bench to lean against Sara's hip and look up at her with bright eyes. Sara had spent enough mornings at their house to know that Lindsey had just woken up.

She knew that Catherine was out at a scene so, figuring it wouldn't do any harm, Sara scooped the girl up and lifted her onto the bench, handing her a spare pair of fluorescent orange goggles.

"Here, press that." Sara said, holding out the UV light. Lindsey did as asked and the machine kicked in, illuminating the gun. "Now, tell me when you see blood."

Behind the goggles, Lindsey's eyes narrowed in concentration until she spotted a dark patch on the barrel and excitedly pointed it out.

"Great job." Sara grinned, switching it off again and taking up a swab. "Now, we get a sample and take it to Wendy to tell me whose blood it is."

While she was working, Lindsey slowly took off her goggles and dropped her gaze into her lap.

"Emma hits me."

The confession was barely whispered but in the peaceful quiet of her lab it echoed in Sara's ears.

Slowly putting the swab aside, she took off her gloves and moved directly in front of the young girl.

"Honeybee?" She called softly, waiting for Lindsey to lift her sad eyes from the floor. As soon as their gaze met, Linds fell into her arms, burying her face in the crook of her neck. Sara felt wet tears on her skin and held her tighter, peppering kisses into her soft hair. Her stomach knotted as the sound of soft cries filled the silence that had fall around them. "Don't worry." Sara mumbled against her ear. "I'll fix it."


	11. Mad world

**I know it looks bad, but the next couple of chapters are going to get ... interesting :P**

**x x x x**

Catherine ducked her head as she wound her way through the hall, determinedly avoiding eye contact with everyone she passed. She felt like anyone who looked at her knew what she was hiding.

Of course, the person she was avoiding at all costs was Gil. Despite his reputation for being dense as a post when it came to other people, he could read her like a book. One look into her ocean blue eyes and he would know that something was wrong.

She rounded into a quieter part of the lab and released a relieved breath to find that there was no one around.

She could tell why Sara had claimed a small area in this corner of the building. It was peaceful.

As she passed said lab she cast an idle glance inside and promptly skidded to a halt.

Her daughter – the daughter she thought was asleep in her office – was sat on the bench wrapped tightly in Sara's embrace.

Stepping closer; she cocked her head to the side, her ears pricking up at the mention of her name.

"Talk to me about what?"

Sara and Lindsey turned in unison and for the first time Cath saw that they were both bordering on tears.

"What's going on?" She asked, panicked. "Linds?"

Sara focused her attention back on the child, giving her an encouraging look.

"Honeybee, you have to tell her." She pushed gently. Lindsey shook her head, her eyes wide and fretful.

"Tell me what?" Catherine pressed, stepping up to the bench and wrapping a protective arm around Lindsey's back.

For a whole minute, no one made a sound.

When it was clear that Lindsey had no intention of spilling the beans, Sara released a sad breath.

"Your girlfriend has been hitting your daughter."

The words hit Catherine like a punch to the stomach.

"Lindsey?" She squeaked softly, searching the girl's face for some sign that this was wrong.

"I … I'm sorry." She mumbled, looking up with tears in her blue eyes.

Catherine wrapped her arms around her waist and pulled her off the bench, holding her close. She turned to Sara with a shaky voice.

"I…"

"I'll tell Grissom you had to go early." Sara cut her off, her voice soft and sad as she reached out a hand to stroke Lindsey's hair affectionately Cath nodded gratefully, stumbling aimlessly back into the hall with her child still clutched firmly at her waist.

Sara watched them disappear, taking a deep steadying breath. She wanted to cry. Not at work though, she told herself.

Before she could begin to get a grip on the myriad of emotions running through her mind, her cell phone trilled at her hip. She cast a brief glance at the screen and emitted a frustrated growl.

"Not now." She muttered, hovering a finger over the decline button. However, she thought to herself miserably, they would only call back. With great reluctance, she accepted the call.

"Hey."

"_That's not an enthusiastic greeting_." Steph commented dryly, drawing a soft laugh from Sara.

"Sorry, it's been a hell of a shift." She explained. "Listen, I know this is really bad timing but could we reschedule?"

"_Sure_," The disappointment in Steph's voice was quickly disguised behind concern. "_You don't sound that well anyway, are you alright_?"

"I'm fine." Sara lied. "I'm just not particularly good company right now."

"_It's okay._ _Get some sleep_." Steph told her firmly. "_I'll call you tomorrow_?"

"Yeah, sounds great." Sara put on the most excited voice she could muster at the time. As soon as the call ended, she relaxed and dropped heavily onto a stool.

Steph was a nice girl and they had great chemistry, but it wasn't fair to make her sit through a date when there were only two people on her mind right now.

X x x

Despite Catherine's futile attempts to coax information out of her, Lindsey had remained tight-lipped and unnervingly still for the entire journey home. However, as soon as they pulled up the drive and spotted Emma's car already parked outside, the little girl began to shake in her seat.

Catherine killed the engine and placed a hand on Lindsey's knee.

"It's alright, honey." She promised. "She's not going to hurt you again."

As they made their way up the drive and into the house, Linds slipped her hand into Cath's and walked as close as she could to her.

"Hey." Emma greeted in a puzzled voice as she emerged from the kitchen, surprised to see them back so soon. "I came round to surprise you with breakfast but I wasn't expecting you back for another hour."

"Lindsey, go to your room." Catherine instructed, ignoring the comment and thereby earning her a scowl from Emma.

"But mom…"

"It's alright," Cath assured her gently. "Go on."

Reluctantly Linds dragged her feet upstairs and slinked into her room, although she made sure to keep her door open in order to listen in.

"What's the little terror done now?" Emma joked, sidling closer to place a kiss on her lips.

Catherine was not laughing as she stepped out of her reach.

"Get out." She said through gritted teeth. The smile faded from Emma's lips and her eyes clouded over with confusion.

"What?"

"Get your things and get out." Cath repeated, taking a threatening step towards her.

"Cat, what's going on?"

"Don't call me that." Catherine spat callously. "I know what you've been doing to my daughter and I am telling you that you have thirty seconds to get your stuff and get the hell out of my house before I call the police."

"Whoa, wait a second!" Emma recoiled, gesturing to the stairs. "What's she been saying about me?"

"You've hit my little girl." Catherine snapped.

"I have never laid a hand on her!" Emma countered insolently. "She's lying!" Catherine choked out a disbelieving laugh.

"You really think I'm going to believe you over her?"

"Hey, it's not my fault that your kid's a lying little brat!"

Catherine's hand twitched at her side.

"Get the fuck out of my house!" She snarled. "And if you ever come near me or my daughter again I will put a bullet between your eyes."

Emma pursed her lips. She considered defending herself further, but the look in Cath's eyes and the fact that her weapon was still clipped to her belt made her reconsider. Snatching her purse from the coffee table, she stalked to the door and paused in the threshold.

"You're going to regret doing this when you find out that she's lying." She warned, slamming the door behind her before Cath had a chance to answer.

Upstairs, curled on the ground with her back against the wall, Lindsey dropped her head onto her knees and cried.

X x x

Sofia could feel the cold from the metal phone booth seeping through her clothes and into her skin where she leant against it but she couldn't be bothered to muster the energy to move. She gnawed on the toothpick tensely, checking her watch for what felt like the hundredth time.

Just as she was beginning to worry that something bad had happened, the crunching of wheels on gravel signalled the arrival of the CSI.

She didn't know what pissed her off more; the fact that Sara was late or the fact that she still wasn't in any particular hurry as she ambled over with her kit in her hand.

"I've been waiting for you." Sofia announced testily.

"Sorry." Sara shrugged unapologetically. "I headed out as soon as I got your page."

"Really?" Sofia challenged, pushing herself away from the box and stepping closer. "'Cause, uh, I left a voicemail several hours ago."

For a moment they just stared each other down, but Sara was the first the break the contest.

"What's up?" She asked coolly, looking away.

Sofia suspected she knew why Sara was really late and why she was now refusing to meet her gaze. Something about the brunette's demeanour just screamed 'Catherine has been here'. Despite her anger at being kept waiting, she decided not to push the issue.

Sara would tell her in her own time.

X x x

Once she had suitably calmed down enough to hold a reasonable conversation, Catherine dragged herself upstairs and rapped on Lindsey's door.

"Baby?" She inquired softly, poking her head inside. The girl was laid on the bed, her back facing the door; her only response to the question being a sniffle. Creeping further inside, Cath dropped onto the bed and placed a hand lightly on her daughter's head. "She's gone. She's not coming back."

"Good." Lindsey mumbled into her pillow.

"Honey, why didn't you tell me this?" She begged gently. "Why didn't you come to me about this?"

Already on the edge of a break down and not daring to form words, Lindsey only offered a small shrug.

"Is this why you ran away the other night?" Cat continued, desperation creeping into her voice as she searched for answers to the torrent of questions in her head. "Is that when you told Sara?"

"No, I told her today." Lindsey explained, finally finding her voice however weak it was. That settled Cath a little. It had been concerning her that Sara could have known and not said anything.  
Then again, if Sara had known she would have knocked seven bells out of Emma the first chance she got.

"I wish you'd told _me_." She pressed softly. "I could have stopped this. How long has it been going on?"

This time, Lindsey's whimpers turned into full blown sobs and Catherine quickly dropped it. Scooping the pre-teen up like she was a small child, she pulled her into her lap and rocked her gently.

"It's alright, baby." She hummed, pressing a kiss to her temple. "We don't have to talk about it now. It's all over now."

"No, it's not that." Linds cried, clutching Cath's shirt and burying her face in her chest. "I'm sorry."

"Shush, you don't have to apologise. It's my fault – I should have noticed."

"No, I'm sorry." Lindsey repeated, shaking her head furiously.

Before she could say any more, Cath shushed her again with a finger over her lips.

"No more." She mumbled, holding her as close as humanly possible and rocking her until she felt the sobs fade into a fitful sleep.

X x x

Emma slammed her door shut behind her. She was so fuming, she was tempted to open it and slam it again just to make point.

She could not believe that Catherine had taken the kid's side.

Actually, she could believe that.

What had her stumped was the fact that the kid had said those things in the first place. She was not a fan of Lindsey's, that was no great secret; but it was still insulting.

And why now? She spends one night at the lab and all of a sudden the girlfriend's a child abuser?

She stopped pacing, her mind working through that realisation again slowly.

Suddenly it all made sense.

Sara Sidle.

X x x

"She's upset, but that's understandable. She's asleep at the moment."

Lindsey crept closer, listening in. From the tone of her mother's voice she guessed it was Sara on the other end of the phone.

"Yeah, I will." Cath nodded, wiping at her eyes. "Thanks." She hung up and stared at the phone for a long moment before placing it carefully back in the cradle.

"Mommy?" Lindsey asked softly, creeping into the room. Catherine turned, surprised.

"Oh, you're awake." She smiled softly, gesturing for Lindsey to come to her. Instead, the girl hovered nervously at the end of the bed.

"You're not really going to call the police are you?" She asked tentatively, tears starting to creep down her flushed face.

Reaching out and dragging her closer, Cath pinned her between her legs and peppered kisses into her hair.

"Don't you worry about it, sweetheart." She promised. "She's can't hurt you again. I'm so sorry I didn't see this."

In her fierce grip, Lindsey shook her head, her body beginning to tremble with a fresh wave of sobs.

"I'm sorry." She repeated softly between hiccupping cries. "She … She didn't hit me. I lied."

Catherine froze, the words registering in her mind. She pulled back slightly, searching Lindsey's face.

"You know, she's not coming back. You don't have to protect her now." She assured her daughter.

"I'm not." Lindsey wiped at her eyes. "She never hurt me."

X x x

"I thought that if I got rid of Emma, Sara might come back."

They had moved further onto the bed and Catherine had laid them down, holding Lindsey firmly against her body as she ran her hands through the girl's silky blonde locks.

"Honey, you know better than to lie." She chastised. "Especially about something like this."

"I know. I'm sorry." Lindsey sniffed. "But I thought if Sara came back it would make you happy again."

Cath leant up slightly, her brow furrowed.

"What makes you think I'm not happy?" She asked softly, tenderly brushing flyaway strands of blonde hair aside.

Lindsey shrugged, playing with the hem of her mother's shirt.

"You always seem sad with Emma. With Sara, you were always smiling."

"Linds, baby," Cath started awkwardly, sitting up fully and dragging the girl with her. "Relationships are complicated."

"That's what Sara said." Lindsey mumbled, looking down into her lap.

"Well, Sara's right." Catherine smiled slightly at the thought that Sara had not taken the opportunity to badmouth her in front of her own child. At least they were still on the same page about something. "I know it might seem like Emma and I aren't happy, but … it's hard to explain."

The explanation didn't sit right with either of them, but it was all Catherine could offer. To be honest, she couldn't explain why people stayed with someone when they weren't happy.

"I'm sorry." Lindsey said again after a long silence; although what she was apologising for, Cath wasn't quite sure.

X x x

Sara had been unusually quiet on the way from the station, to the point where Sofia was starting to wonder if maybe it was more than just an argument with Catherine.

Her suspicions were further confused when they arrived back at the lab and Sara, having spotted the strawberry-blonde heading towards them, quickly abandoned Sofia and rushed over to her.

"Hey, how is she?" She asked, dragging Cath to a quieter part of the hall.

"She's fine." Catherine sniffed. "She … it's complicated." She felt like she'd been saying that a lot lately.

"But she's alright?" Sara frowned. "And Emma's…"

"Emma didn't hurt her." Cath blurted out, cutting her off bluntly. "She made it up. She thought it might get the two of us back together."

Sara opened and closed her mouth a few times, all words evading her.

"She … wow."

"Yeah, tell me about it." Cath choked. "But it's okay, I'm dealing with it." She bit her lower lip, flicking her blue eyes up to Sara's face shyly. "She really wants you back in our lives." She paused before adding quietly. "We both do."

As soon as the words left her lips she could practically see Sara's defences rise and her features hardened.

"Yeah, well." The younger woman said. "Sometimes we can't always have what we want."

She turned and walked stiffly back to where Sofia was waiting for her by the reception desk with a curious frown.

Catherine's heart sank. She had known it was a long shot, but she thought maybe if Sara realised what lengths Lindsey was willing to go to in order to get them back together, she might reconsider.

A naïve assumption, she realised as she watched her colleagues walk away. Her daughter's actions didn't counteract her own.

She dropped her head and sloped to the door, barely missing Sofia's hand creeping around to rest on Sara's lower back.

X x x

Her shoulders slumped as she climbed out of the car and dragged her feet up to the house.

To her surprise, a lone figure was leaning against her front steps, the ashes from her cigarette burning bright red against the shadows.

"Hey." Catherine greeted dumbly. There was no car, so she must have walked.

"Hey yourself." Her guest replied, stepping closer. Her blonde hair shimmered as she stepped into the dawn light and her green eyes almost looked turquoise as she squinted against the glare.

"I didn't think you'd come." Catherine fidgeted anxiously on the spot, threading her keys through her fingers nervously.

Emma continued to step closer until she was stood directly in front of her, close enough for her to smell the smoke on her breath.

"I almost didn't."


	12. Enter Sandman

**I'm not sure I'm happy with this chapter, but I hope you like it. Let me know what you think**

**x x x x**

"You should cook more often." Emma commented contentedly, sidling towards the sink. "You're not half bad – as long as it comes from a packet."

Cath swatted her lightly on the hip with a tea towel.

Ever since Lindsey's little stunt, things had been different between the three of them. It was as if everyone was being extra careful not to do anything that could be misconstrued; ultimately creating an atmosphere of apprehension and trepidation around the house.

Catherine couldn't say that she regretted taking her daughter's word over Emma's – she would always be on Lindsey's side, no matter what happened. But she did feel a little guilty for not at least giving Emma a chance to explain before threatening to shoot her.  
On the other hand, if the situation were to arise again she couldn't say that she wouldn't react in the same way.

As soon as she'd found out Emma was coming round for dinner Lindsey had opted to go to bed early, leaving the adults alone together. It had been a pleasant evening, if a desperately quiet one. Neither wanted to broach the subject of the pink elephant in the room, so they'd filled the night with awkward conversation about the weather and the food.

Catherine, for her part, had attempted an apology; one which had been begrudgingly accepted.  
But beneath the surface Emma was still fuming and they both knew what could happen when she was pushed over the edge.

Lindsey, too, had tried to make amends by being on her best behaviour whenever she had to be in the same room as Emma; but for the most part she had determined to stay out of the woman's way – something which the blonde was more than happy to go along with.  
Everything else aside, it allowed her and Catherine more adult time together...

"Cath, come to bed." She pleaded, peppering kisses along the back of the older woman's neck, hindering her attempts to wash up.

"In a minute." She promised, squirming against the sensation. Emma flashed her a grin and grabbed her round the middle playfully.

"I'll be waiting."

However, she barely took two steps away before there was a hesitant knock at the front door.

The women exchanged a puzzled look, glancing in unison at the clock. Catherine had the night off so they'd eaten later than usual.

"Who the hell's that?" Emma voiced Cath's silent thoughts, rolling her eyes in irritation. "Don't they know what time it is?"

Catherine smiled at her girlfriend's frustration, wiping her hands on a nearby towel.

"I'll get rid of them." She assured her. "Why don't you go make yourself … comfortable?" She added teasingly. Emma smirked in understanding and practically skipped to the stairs.

Keeping the chain on, Catherine opened the door a crack and peered through the gap.

"Sara?!"

Emma stopped in her tracks halfway up the stairs, turning slowly to the door as Catherine frantically unhooked the chain and threw it wide open.

And sure enough the brunette was stood on the doorstep, her skin ghostly white under the dim porch light.

Already pissed off at her girlfriend's ex for her part in Lindsey's little games, Emma was not prepared to let her ruin a potential night of passion. She opened her mouth, preparing to tell her where to go, but as she stepped closer she realised why Catherine had reacted so earnestly.  
Sara's clothes were torn on one side and she had a streak of stark red blood trickling down her face, sickeningly bright against her skin.

"I need a phone." Sara mumbled absently. "Mine got smashed."

Unable to form coherent words, Catherine reached out both hands and dragged her inside, where her glazed brown eyes winced at the sudden light.

"What's happened?" Emma inquired, her curiosity barely winning out over her irritation at their night being interrupted.

"Get her a blanket." Cath barked, blatantly ignoring the question as she guided Sara to the couch.

Emma rolled her eyes but did as requested and wandered to the pantry to get a clean blanket from the laundry. Craning her head, she could just about hear what was being said in the next room.

"What happened, honey?" Catherine pleaded, searching Sara's face. Her dark eyes were unfocussed and confused as she scanned the familiar surroundings.

"I came off my bike." She murmured absently. "My phone got smashed."

A dozen questions ran through Cat's head, but only one managed to find its way out.

"Where did this happen?"

She was touched that Sara had found her way here in her hour of need, but she couldn't believe that someone had let her just wander away from the accident without trying to help her.

Sara pointed vaguely in the direction of the street.

"I was going to the garage." She explained in a dazed voice. Catherine furrowed her brow in thought: the garage Sara frequented was in the Sunrise Manor district and the route she usually used took her past the end of Catherine's road. The accident couldn't have happened more than two blocks away.  
That calmed her a little. At least she hadn't been walking aimlessly along the streets of Vegas in this state.

"Someone cut the corner, clipped my bike." Sara continued softly. "I just need to borrow a phone…"

"You need a hospital, love." Catherine countered softly, searching for any other visible injuries.

Finally, Emma returned with the blanket in her hands. However, when she held it out to Catherine, the CSI blinked at it in surprise.

To be honest, she'd forgotten Emma was even in the house.

"I'm taking her to Desert Palms." She announced, carefully helping Sara to her feet.

"I'm fine." Sara shrugged her off weakly. "I just need to get Steph to tow my bike back to the garage."

"Never mind that," Catherine insisted, wrapping an arm around her waist and marching her towards the door. Snatching her keys on the way, she cast a brief glance over her shoulder to where her girlfriend was staring at them from across the room. "Can you stay here with Lindsey?"

"Sure, I'll stay." Emma agreed, somewhat needlessly since Cath was already coaxing Sara down the front steps.

Emma leant against the doorframe, watching them together for a moment. Something about the tender way in which Catherine helped Sara into the car – fastening her seatbelt and brushing her hair aside – made her stomach turn.

Sara was her _ex_-girlfriend. No one should look at their ex like that.

X x x

"I'm sorry." Sara murmured weakly, having regained some of her awareness back along with a pounding headache. "I wouldn't have come if I'd known you had company."

"Don't worry about it." Cath insisted, forcing herself to keep her eyes on the road when what she desperately wanted to do was scrutinise her passenger. The last thing they needed right now was another accident.

She felt Sara involuntarily wince as they rounded the corner where the accident had happened. Her grazed bike was semi-propped against a wall, as far as Sara had managed to drag it. Catherine had already established that the other vehicle had kept going and it had briefly crossed her mind that they would need to inform the police, but right now her primary concern was the bruised girl sitting beside her.

"So, you took her back." Sara said at last, breaking the stifling silence.

"Sort of." Catherine replied enigmatically. "It isn't serious; we're kind of testing the waters."

"Why?" Sara never was one to mince her words, even when in great pain. Cath shrugged feebly.

"I just couldn't leave things as they were." She answered at last. Sara didn't particularly like the excuse, but the glare from the streetlights was making her head hurt and she was too weak to push the issue.

"Will Lindsey be alright alone with her?" She asked instead, turning in her seat and instantly regretting it as a shot of pain ran through her ribcage.

"Of course." Catherine assured her. "After what happened, Emma wouldn't lay a finger on her." She paused, sending her companion a sideways glance. "Besides, Lindsey's asleep. And who else is going to take care of you?"

X x x

"Okay, I'll tell Sofia." Nick said, waving a hand at an impatient Greg, who was hopping nervously from one foot to the other beside him. "Take good care of her, Cath."

"Well? Is Sara okay?" Greg asked as soon as the Texan hung up.

"She's fine, just a concussion and a few bruises." Nick assured them. "I need to call Sofia, get her to put a BOLO out on the car that hit her; Sara said it was a blue or black Volvo and she got a few letters of the licence plate."

"Of course she did." Warrick chuckled. "Upside down beneath a motorbike and she can still read the plates."

Nick laughed softly, dialling the blonde detective's number.

"That's our girl…" he paused, flicking his brown eyes up to Warrick's face. "Did you know that she had a bike?"

"Of course." Rick shrugged nonchalantly, taking a slurp of his coffee. "Didn't you?"

Nick shook his head, brushing it off for now as Sofia's voice filtered down the line.

And if he thought Greg's reaction was bad…

X x x

"That'll teach you to be such a daredevil." Cath mocked as Sara twisted pitifully away from the needle being shoved less-than-gently into her arm.

"That's not why I ride." She contested weakly. "Anyway, it was his fault."

"I don't care. If you'd been in a car…"

"…He'd had hit me head on." Sara finished. "And then what would have happened?"

"You'd have been wearing a seatbelt." Catherine pointed out, perching on the edge of the bed and taking the patient's hand between her own. "With an airbag."

Since Sara had no suitable counter-argument, she settled for sticking her tongue out playfully at her supervisor.

"Sar!"

The panicked voice startled them both and they turned to find a blonde biker-chick clad entirely in black leather dashing towards them. Without a second's hesitation she wrapped Sara into a hug and planted a firm kiss on her lips.

To Catherine's surprise, and utmost disappointment, Sara did not pull back from the embrace.

She recognised the woman as Steph, Sara's mechanic and close friend. They had met a couple of times when she and Sara had been dating.

"What are you doing here?" Sara inquired once Steph released her.

"What do you mean 'what am I doing here'?" She asked incredulously. "I was worried about you."

"I'm fine." Sara insisted, although there was no disguising the hint of joy in her voice at the woman's concern for her. "Just a few grazes."

Sensing that she was intruding on a private moment, Catherine retracted her hands and hopped off the bed, taking a deliberate step away. She knew that Sara and Steph were close, but she also recognised more than friendship when she saw it.

Not that she could blame Sara for moving on. To be honest, she was surprised it had taken this long for someone to snatch her up. Still, it hurt to see it in the flesh.

"Maybe I should get going." She said awkwardly, gesturing to the door. Sara finally managed to tear her gaze from Steph's face to furrow her brow at her.

"You don't have to." She said, hope and confusion seeping into her voice. Catherine fidgeted uncomfortably in the threshold.

"It's okay. I can see you're in good hands." She offered weakly. "I'll call you tomorrow."

She disappeared into the hall as fast as her legs would carry her, taking in several gulping breaths.

She had the sudden urge to go for a very long drive.

X x x

Emma skulked around the house for a while, her mood growing increasingly more sour with each passing minute and no phone call.

Not that she particularly cared how Sara was, but it would be nice to know when her girlfriend was coming home.

As she moved to the window and peered outside into the dark street, her eye began to twitch anxiously.

What if Catherine was staying with her for the night? She was no doctor, but even she could tell Sara was concussed. And people with a concussion need someone to stay with them…

She swallowed hard at the idea of her girlfriend spending the night in her ex's flat … her bed…

She snatched the phone from the cradle and started to dial but stopped, letting her fingers hover over the numbers.

No, if Catherine saw fit to spend the evening playing nursemaid to her ex-girlfriend then that was just fine. But she wasn't going to sit here and be played for a fool.

She was tempted to just leave and let Cath stew over her actions for a while, but a lazy glance across the room reminded her why she couldn't. Lindsey.

She wandered over to the photo, glowering at it from beneath her lashes. It showed a younger Catherine with shorter hair holding a small Lindsey around the waist. It symbolised everything she hated about her girlfriend's history – the fact that she had a history at all. Lindsey was a living reminder of a life that Emma could never be a part of.

And the worst thing was, the little brat knew it.

Narrowing her eyes in thought, she put the picture back on the shelf and made her way up the stairs as quietly as she could.

Lindsey's door was open a crack, but she was sound asleep; the covers balled tightly in her tiny fists.

Emma scanned the room lazily, her gaze settling on an ornate music box. It had been given to Lindsey by Eddie right after the divorce – a reminder that no matter what happened, she would always have two parents who loved her.

Yet another part of Catherine's life that she would never share.

An evil smirk spreading across her lips, she picked the box up and turned it, letting the soft sound of 'Waltz of the Flowers' drift around them. Creeping to the bed, she held the box high over the child's head.

"Oh Lindsey." She sang, waiting for the sleepy blue eyes to blink open.


	13. Careless Whisper

**Okay, a lot longer this time; but this is the chapter I have been working towards :) I hope you enjoy it, and I'll try not to keep you all waiting too long for the next update. **

**All reviews are much appreciated :) **

**x x x x**

"So," Emma drawled, taking a long sip of her coffee. "Where did you get to last night?"

"I stayed on Sara's couch." Catherine lied, keeping her back to the table. "She was still dizzy when she got home."

The truth was she had left the hospital as soon as she knew Sara was going to be alright. She simply couldn't bear to watch Steph fussing over her any longer.  
After sitting in her car in the parking lot for a while with her head on the steering wheel, she had driven around aimlessly until the early hours of the morning.

She didn't know why this was bothering her so much. In the back of her head she had known that sooner or later Sara would move on, but a part of her refused to accept that the brunette was truly over her.

"Cat?"

She shook her head, snapping out of her reverie. Emma was staring at her with a quirked eyebrow, obviously waiting for an answer. Having not heard the question, and not in the mood for an argument about Sara, Cath elected to ignore whatever she'd said and turned her attention to her daughter.

Lindsey had been unusually quiet this morning, staring into her plate as if it was a riveting book. Every now and then she would cast a wary glance across the table at Emma before sinking her gaze back to her food.

"You want more pancakes, baby?" Catherine asked, dragging a hand across the girl's shoulders.

"No thanks." Linds mumbled, pushing the remains of her breakfast around her plate. "Can I be excused?"

"Uh, sure." Cath agreed, cocking her head to the side curiously at the odd behaviour. She could count on one hand the number of times her child had refused pancakes. Lindsey sloped off her chair and made a beeline out of the room, ensuring to keep her eyes low as she ducked past Emma. "Was she okay last night?" Catherine asked, taking the seat she had vacated.

"Oh, she was an angel." Emma hummed, slurping her coffee. "Barely even noticed she was here."

Hovering outside the room, Lindsey scrunched her face up and scampered to the stairs. She pressed her hands into her eyes, refusing to let her tears spill until she was safely in her room with the door firmly shut.

There, she reached under the bed and retracted the broken music box from its hiding place.

A lone tear dropped onto her hand as she ran a fingertip over the snapped ballerina. Where she once danced to 'Waltz of the flowers', now she hung pitifully inside the battered frame.

X x x

_Lindsey watched in shocked devastation as her precious music box was smashed against the corner of her dresser. Pieces of splintered wood flew in all directions as Emma repeatedly brought it crashing down against the furniture. _

_Stalking back to the bed with a sick grimace, she held the shattered remains above Lindsey's head. _

"_I can make your life hell, little lady." She hissed, letting it fall to the floor with a heart-wrenching crunch. "You'd do well to remember that." _

_Lindsey sniffed, watching it bounce across the carpet. _

"_Why are you doing this?" She hiccupped. Emma leant down, resting her hands on the mattress. _

"_Because I can." She snarled. "And if you make my life difficult, next time it won't be a toy I slam into the table." With a final warning glare and a small smirk twitching at her lips, she stormed out of the room. _

_Alone, Lindsey launched herself off the bed and scooped up the broken box, cradling it in her lap. It was the nicest thing her daddy had ever bought her – she had loved it. _

_He'd given it to her not long after her parents had separated. That way, whenever she missed him she could listen to it and know that he was thinking of her too. _

_Tears began streaming down her cheeks, dropping one by one from her chin onto the box. She hurriedly climbed back into bed, taking it with her and holding it protectively beneath the covers as she cried herself back to sleep. _

X x x

Sara frowned, cocking her head to the side. There was something wrong with Catherine today and she couldn't quite put her finger on it. She was not in bad mood as such, she was just behaving … odd.

"Hey, if it isn't Evel Knievel." Nick's chirpy voice interrupted her thoughts and she turned, flashing him a grin.

"Only on weekends." She retorted playfully. He leant down to drop a kiss on her cheek.

"Well, it looks like you came out of it better than your bike." He commented, gesturing to the small stitched cut on her forehead.

"You get the dents out of her yet?" Warrick added, joining them at the centre bench.

"I've got it sorted." She smiled. "My mechanic is a miracle worker."

Across the room, Catherine flinched and nearly dropped the coffee pot.

"You should sell that thing." She snapped a little too harshly, earning her a startled frown from the three CSIs.

"Ah, she's alright Cath." Warrick attempted to reassure the blonde. "As soon as she works the dents out of her skull." He added teasingly. "Or does your mechanic do bones too?"

To the boys' surprise, and Sara's increasing confusion, Catherine slammed her coffee cup down and stalked out of the room, leaving them to shake their heads in her wake.

"What's up with her?" Nick asked, baffled. The others, equally as lost, merely shrugged.

"Alright." Grissom announced as he strolled in, trailed by a bright-eyed Greg. He glanced up, peering over his glasses at Sara. "Are you alright to be working?"

"I'm fine." She promised, resisting the urge to roll her eyes.

"Was it like the opening scene in the Italian Job?" Greg asked, bounding over to her. "Where Beckerman slams into the digger?"

"No." Sara laughed. "It was more like in the Karate Kid where he gets run off the road and abandons the bike half way down the hill."

Warrick laughed at the analogy, but Grissom did not look particularly amused.

"You're working with Catherine tonight, just in case." He declared, pointing an assignment slip at her. Sara pulled an unenthusiastic face.

"Lucky me." She joked drolly, to further chuckles from the boys.

"Where is Catherine?" Grissom asked, suddenly noting her absence from the group. He knew she was here somewhere because she'd already stropped past his office once tonight.

"She stormed out of here about five minutes ago." Nick pointed to the hall. Grissom quirked an eyebrow, gesturing at Sara again.

"Go find her. And she's driving!" He added swiftly.

Sara pursed her lips, snatching the slip ffrom her boss on her way to the door.

"Hey," Nick hollered after her. "I want to see your wheels at some point!"

"As soon as I've cleaned the dust off her." She called back, swaggering out in search of her supervisor.

X x x

"I could have done that scene blindfolded." Cath huffed, repeatedly pressing the button for the elevator. "What the hell does Gil think he's playing at, sending me to a crap-shack B&E like that? Greg could have done that scene solo!"

Sara rolled her eyes, opting to keep quiet. Granted the scene had been relatively simple to process, but Catherine had been in a bad mood from leaving the lab to arriving back again.

"You know, that's not going to make it come any faster." She pointed out gently when the blonde continued to slam her hand against the button. Receiving a glare from the older woman, she wisely clamped her mouth shut again and took a deliberate step backwards. Thankfully the familiar ping of the elevator signalled its arrival and the heavy metal doors groaned open at a painfully slow pace.

"Are you alright?" Sara asked once the doors clattered shut behind them.

"I'm fine." The instinctive response was ground out between gritted teeth and could not have been less convincing if she'd been pointing a gun to her own head.

"No you're not." Sara countered. "This is more than just the case. You've been off with me all day." She paused. "Is this because of last night?"

"It's nothing to do with you." Catherine sniffed, releasing a frustrated breath.

Sara choked out a dry laugh, shaking her head. Even after everything that had happened between them, she could still read the blonde like a book.

She opened her mouth to contest the assertion, but before she could say a word the floor beneath them suddenly jolted and the lights flickered above their heads.

"Oh no." Sara mumbled, attempting to grab the walls to steady herself and finding them too smooth to grip.

Catherine reached out a hand blindly and grasped Sara's arm. For a few seconds they were still and then, with a final grinding snarl and a bright flash, the lift jerked to a stop and the light went out, plunging them into darkness.

"What the hell?" Catherine asked, blinking as the emergency light came on, casting the small metal box in a hauntingly green glow. Both women looked helplessly towards the doors; they were between floors, so prising them open would be fruitless.

Cath fumbled for her cell phone, relieved to find that she actually had signal, and dialled Grissom's number.

"Hey, it's me…"

"_There's a power cut_." He jumped in before she could continue. "_Half the City's out_."

"Great." Cath groaned, slumping back against the wall. "Sara and I are in the garage elevator at the lab."

After swearing under his breath, Grissom said something to her that she didn't hear as she cast a sideways glance towards Sara and narrowed her eyes. The brunette seemed to be attempting some kind of breakout through the roof.

"Yeah, Gil, I'll call you back." She answered absently, snapping her phone shut. "What _are_ you doing?"

"Getting out." Sara answered simply. She had stacked both of their metal crime scene cases on top of each other and was attempting to push the emergency hatch open, with little success.

"Grissom's going to get in touch with maintenance." Cath told her, gripping the back of her colleague's clothes in an attempt to pull her back down. "You're not going to get out of there."

Eventually, Sara relented and stepped down.

"I can't wait that long." She murmured, still eyeing the ceiling.

"Tough." Cath declared, beginning to pace in the little space available. "This isn't exactly ideal for me either. In fact, I can think of a million things I would rather be doing right now … and not one of them is in an elevator."

Before she could continue her rant any longer, the steel cage was filled with the trilling of her cell phone.

"What?" She snapped.

"_Okay, I've got in touch with maintenance_." Gil announced, ignoring her irritable answer.

"And." She pressed.

"_And they're stuck in an elevator on the west side of the building_."

"Of course they are." Catherine laughed humourlessly, shaking her head. "Freaking typical."

"_Just sit tight, we'll get someone out to you as soon as possible_."

"Yeah, yeah." She muttered, hanging up.

Sara, who had been stood close enough to hear the bad news, slid down the wall to the floor and pulled her knees up to her chest, her breathing becoming shallow.

"I don't fucking believe this!" Catherine hissed, dragging a hand through her hair. "The one time I might actually get home on time and have breakfast with my daughter and there's a fucking city-wide power cut!" She kicked her foot out at the stack of cases, sending them skittering across the small space. Sara flinched as they slammed into the wall beside her and Catherine finally noticed her coworker's current position. She had her head on her knees and was rocking herself gently, silent sobs wrenching themselves from her body.

"Hey," Cath frowned, crouching down beside her. She placed a tentative hand on Sara's back and felt her muscles tense at the contact. "It's alright."

She knew from rare conversations with Sara about her childhood that she had occasionally had panic attacks as a teenager; but she'd never really thought about what she would do if she was faced with one.

"It's okay, honey." She whispered, changing positions so that she could pull Sara against her body. "It's going to be alright, we're going to get out of here."

Sara reached out a trembling hand to grip her wrist, holding her in place.

"I'm not leaving you." Catherine promised quietly. It wasn't much reassurance, she thought to herself, but for now it would have to do.

X x x

Lindsey did a double take, looking around the living room hopefully.

"Where's mom?" She asked softly.

"She's not here." Emma growled. "She must be caught up in the power cut at work."

"Oh." Lindsey scuffed her feet along the floor nervously. "Is school still open?"

"I doubt it." Emma pursed her lips. "I guess it's just you and me today." Her lips spread into a sneer and she took a step closer, prompting Lindsey to take a step back. "What's the matter Lindsey?" She asked in a mock-gentle voice. "You're not scared of me are you?"

The little girl turned and scampered back upstairs as fast as her legs could carry her, to a milieu of gleeful laughter from Emma.

X x x

Her breathing finally returned to normal, Sara lifted her head from her knees and turned to Catherine. The blonde was still sat beside her; her head tipped towards the ceiling, lost in her own thoughts.

"What's wrong, Cat?" Sara asked, her voice husky from her tears.

Catherine flicked her gaze back down, searching Sara's face for a long moment. She could lie, but what would be the point?

She released a tired sigh, shaking her head slowly.

"Emma."

X x x

The knock at the door startled her back to reality. Tossing the book onto the coffee table, she stood up and stretched before meandering to answer it.

"Oh, hello." Lily greeted coolly, stepping past her into the house. "Where's Catherine?"

"Still at work." Emma replied. "I've tried calling; it goes straight to voicemail."

"Oh." Lily said again. "What about Lindsey?"

"She's in her room." Lily gave her a sceptical look, casting nervous glances towards the stairs. "I haven't been hitting her, if that's what you're worried about." Emma snapped when she picked up on the frosty glances.

Lily straightened up.

"I'd like to see her for myself, if you don't mind." She sniffed.

"I do." Emma said, stepping closer. At five foot seven, she massively overshadowed the older woman. "Was there anything else?"

Lily continued to look towards the stairs, but knowing that she didn't stand a chance against the young blonde; she dropped her shoulders and sank back towards the door.

"I suppose not." She murmured softly. "Tell Catherine to call me when she gets back."

"I will...if I remember."

As she shuffled her way back down the drive, an uneasy feeling settled itself in the pit of Lily's stomach. Something told her not to expect a phone call from her daughter any time soon.

X x x

"She can get angry sometimes. When she loses her temper she gets ... nasty."

"Does she hit you?" Sara asked, narrowing her dark eyes. Catherine swallowed hard, shaking her head. She had moved to the opposite side of the cart and they had both stretched their legs out, intertwining them across the gap.

"It's like she wants to control me. She has to know where I am and what I'm doing – she doesn't trust me."

"Catherine, has she hit you?" Sara repeated, determined to get a straight answer. Cath met her gaze across the dim space.

"A couple of times." She admitted at last. "The night Lindsey ran away."

"Lindsey?" Sara pressed, her eyes wide.

"No, she's never hurt her." Cath insisted. "She pretty much ignores her when she can."

They lapsed into silence again.

Having finally voiced her concerns about the relationship, it was only now that Catherine realised how right Nancy had been.  
She did chose people who hurt her, and Emma was a classic case.

As if reading her mind, Sara spoke up earnestly.

"Cath, why are you staying with her? It's not like you to let someone push you around."

Catherine emitted a soft laugh.

"Yes, it is." She countered quietly. "Sar, you're the only person I've ever dated who has never hurt me." She lifted her gaze slowly and found herself staring into the deepest eyes in the world. "You were everything I've never had. That scared me…"

"Catherine, don't…" Sara tried to stop her. She'd heard the apologies; she had put it behind her and now was not the time or place to dredge it back up again.

"No." Cath insisted. "You need to hear this." She sat forward, resting her elbows on her knees. She licked her lips, taking her time to figure out what she wanted to say. "That night, the night you and I fought, it was the closest you'd ever come to losing your temper with me. It was my fault – I know that. I pushed you, because that's what I always do when I'm backed into a corner. But you … you still didn't raise a hand to me." She took a deep, shuddering breath. "I could have said anything to you and you still wouldn't have hit me."

"Of course not." Sara agreed softly.

"I didn't know what to do with that." Catherine continued. "With everyone else; we'd fight, I would push them to breaking point and they'd lash out and hit me. That was my marriage."

"That's wrong." Sara shook her head angrily, clenching her fists at her side.

"That's all I know." Cath shrugged weakly. "And then you came along … and everything was different. You walked away." She stopped, biting her lower lip against the tears threatening to fall. "I've never had someone walk away and leave me hot before – I was angry and frustrated, I needed to get rid of that. So, I went to a bar, and I met Emma…"

"Yeah, I know the rest." Sara waved a hand dismissively, but Cath wasn't finished yet.

"It was only supposed to be one night. Just a way to get all the tension out of my system." She dropped her gaze, wiping her eyes sadly with the corner of her sleeve. "It was the biggest mistake I've ever made."

Sara opened her mouth to speak – perhaps to console her, perhaps to agree with the sentiment. But whatever she was going to say died on her lips as the elevator began to creak ominously around them.

Catherine heard Sara's breath hitch despite the distance between them and when she looked over she caught the briefest glimpse of panic in her hazel eyes before the emergency light failed and they were plunged into complete darkness.

The only sound in the cart was Sara's laboured breaths.

Pushing herself away from the wall, Catherine crawled towards her and felt her way up Sara's body, wrapping her into a tight hug.

"It's alright sweetie." She promised, dragging her fingers through Sara's silky locks. "It's all alright; we're going to get out of here."

She pressed a kiss to the side of Sara's temple. Then another. A pair of shaky arms wrapped around her waist and she felt hot tears against her neck.

A sweet, familiar scent engulfed her as she held Sara as close as possible, burying her face into dark curls.

"I'm sorry." Sara managed to hiccup breathlessly.

Catherine shushed her softly, repositioning them so that Sara was pinned into the corner by her body. Pressed together, cheek to cheek, Cath whispered careless promises against her ear. As her lips began tracking a path from her cheek to the corner of her mouth, kissing away the lost tears, she felt Sara's body relax in her arms.

Sara turned slightly, blinking against the pitch blackness.

For a whole minute, neither moved.

And then she kissed her.


	14. Spark in the dark

**I'd intended getting this up yesterday but I wanted to get it right. **

**However, it's twice as long as the others to make up for keeping you all waiting :)  
**

**The flashbacks in this chapter are set at the end of No Humans Involved. I hope you enjoy  
**

**x x x x**

She wasn't sure how they had gone from gentle affectionate kisses to the passionate clinch they were currently locked in; but as she felt Sara's tongue gently begging for entry, she decided that she didn't care.

It had taken Catherine a whole minute to register Sara's lips on her own. The kiss was desperate, almost pleading.

It was Sara's way of asking for comfort.

Cath had returned the kiss tentatively at first, letting her hands graze the sides of Sara's stomach.

Before she knew it, her shirt had fallen open and a pair of warm hands was pushing it off her shoulders. A rush of cold air hit her skin and her whole body flushed with goose bumps. However, Sara's gentle touch quickly soothed them; dancing her fingertips across her bare back so lightly she could almost believe she had imagined it.

Catherine moved her lips to Sara's neck, nipping at the skin; but Sara jumped at the action and hurriedly resumed their previous position.

This wasn't about passion or romance. It was about pure, unadulterated need.

The fact that they were in complete darkness made no difference; they knew each and every contour of the other's body like their own. It was like re-reading your favourite book. You know the words off by heart, but you lightly trace the pages with your finger anyway.

As Sara felt the cold of the elevator wall against her skin, it briefly crossed her mind that what they were doing was wrong.

But why did it feel so damn right?

X x x

"Hey, any word from the girls?" Nick asked, dodging around harried lab rats to catch Warrick up in the dimly lit hallway.

"No, Grissom's been trying to call them but their signal must have dropped out." He rolled his neck tiredly. He'd planned a romantic day with his lady but because of Las Vegas and its stupid weather he was stuck running evidence old school, while Tina was trying to keep people alive in a hospital with no power.

He shook his head, suddenly aware that Nick had continued talking throughout his mental rant.

"Huh?" He asked ineloquently, earning him an odd look from his mate.

"I said, I bet they're on the verge of killing each other by now." The Texan repeated.

"Yeah, no doubt." Warrick chuckled. "You never know, maybe all that pent-up tension in such a small space will cause a power surge and the electricity will come back on."

X x x

Catherine buttoned her shirt with trembling hands, keeping her back to Sara and her gaze low.

Neither had said a word since they had finally released each other.

Truth be told, there were no words to say.

At some point during their tryst, the emergency light had come back on. It at least made it easier to re-dress, even if it wasn't helping the awkward tension that had befallen the small carriage.

Finally decent again, Catherine resumed her previous position on the opposite side of the elevator and began anxiously tugging on a loose thread. It must have gotten snagged on something in her rush to shed her clothes, she thought idly.

"Never had you down as the nervous type." She commented softly at last. Sara lifted her head, her dark eyes somehow more hollow then before.

"I don't like the dark." She murmured at last. "When … when I was little, my mom would lock me in the crawlspace under the stairs."

Whether either realised it, it was the first time Sara had given her a straight answer about her past. Cath leant her head back against the metal wall as she listened intently.

"Sometimes, if she had a bad episode, she would forget about me. I could spend hours under there. Sometimes days."

Sara's eyes turned glassy with unshed tears, fixed on a benign point opposite her. "I remember one night, there was a big thunderstorm. All I could hear was the beating of the rain against the wall. For six hours, I thought it was never going to end."

"I'm sorry." Catherine mumbled weakly, not knowing what else to say.

Sara shrugged, suffering from a similar loss of words.

After what felt like an age of silence, Catherine sat forward and grasped her hand. It was the first contact made since their few minutes of passion and Sara jumped at the touch, but Cath resisted her attempt to pull back.

"Honey, it's not your fault." She insisted, determined to hold her gaze. "Whatever they did to you, you didn't deserve it. You're a good person."

"Yeah, sure." Sara choked out around the lump that had settled in her throat.

"I mean it." Cath insisted, gripping her hand tighter. She let her thumb rub tender circles on the inside of Sara's wrist, feeling the girl gradually start to relax beneath her touch. "I wish you'd have told me this sooner."

"I'm sorry." Sara shrugged half-heartedly. "I've never told anyone this stuff before. I was scared that you would leave if you knew the truth about me."

"Leave you?" Cath repeated, stunned. "Why on earth would I do that?"

"An adult scared of the dark? It's not exactly something to be proud of."

"It's nothing to be ashamed of either." Catherine countered softly. "Sar, you could have told me anything and I would still have loved you. All I wanted was for you to trust me."

"Catherine." Sara looked away, shaking her head. "It's not that simple."

Cath felt a small stab to her heart. There were only two times Sara called her by her full first name; and they'd already done the first.

"Of course it is." She retorted evenly. "Either you trust me or you don't."

Sara released a breath, keeping her eyes averted.

"Well?" Catherine pressed. "Do you trust me?" When Sara refused to offer an answer, she released her and choked out a dry laugh. "You always were too stubborn for your own damn good."

X x x

"_Why can't you just talk to me?"_

"_Not now, Catherine." Sara growled, attempting to move past her into the kitchen. "I'm really not in the mood."_

_Catherine tossed her keys onto the coffee table and stalked after her. _

"_You always do this. You shut me out!"_

_Granted, she probably wouldn't be pushing her to talk so much if she had had a better day. She'd thought being supervisor to the boys might bring them closer, but in reality it was having the opposite effect. _

_She wasn't their friend anymore. She was their boss. _

_Having seen them laughing and joking with Greg at the end of shift she felt more left out than she ever had at CSI. And for the first time she didn't even feel like she could talk to Grissom now. At first she'd felt guilty – like she'd stolen his team away from him. But seeing him talking to Sofia at the end of shift, it seemed he'd already moved on. _

_Suddenly there was this big gulf down the middle of their team – and she didn't fit it on either side of the fence. _

_So, she had gone in search of the one person she could still talk to. But Sara wasn't talking tonight. _

"_I don't know what you want from me, Catherine." She sighed, pouring herself a drink of water. _

"_I want you to talk to me!" She erupted. "I want to know what's going through your head! I feel like lately you'll do anything to avoid telling me what's bothering you." _

_Sara slammed her glass on the counter, her back to the blonde. _

"_You really want to know why I'm upset?" She asked rhetorically. "Tonight I carried two starving children out of a stone basement. Their baby brother is dead and the woman responsible could be out of prison in five years." She whirled around, tears in her eyes. "Excuse me if I'm not in the mood to talk tonight."_

"_You're never in the mood to talk." Catherine snapped back. "It's always a tough case or a long shift or a …"_

"_I'm sorry!" Sara threw her arms up helplessly. "What do you want from me?" Before Catherine could answer, she held up her hands. "You know what; I can't deal with this now." Pushing her way past her girlfriend back into the living room and snatching her jacket from the back of the couch, she made her way to the door as fast as she could before her defences could crack. _

"_Oh that's right, walk away!" Catherine hollered after her, stalking her through the house. "You just keep running away from your problems!"_

"_I will." Sara retorted coolly, letting the door swing shut behind her. _

_Angry and heated, Catherine stared at it for a moment before releasing a frustrated growl, dragging her hands through her hair. _

X x x

"You could have told me why it was bothering you so much." Catherine insisted. "I just wanted you to trust me."

"I do trust you." Sara said at last.

"Yeah, well you've got a damn funny way of showing it." Cath muttered under her breath.

Sara turned to her, insolence masking the hurt in her voice.

"Hey, I'm not the reason we broke up!"

"Yeah, I know." The older woman agreed sheepishly, backing up a bit. "I just meant that if you hadn't been so secretive about everything…"

"You wouldn't have cheated on me?" Sara finished for her, anger briefly streaking across her face.

Catherine flinched, biting her lower lip.

"I deserved that." She acknowledged.

X x x

_As soon as the roar of Sara's bike faded into the distance, she dropped onto the couch and released several deep breaths. _

_This was new to her. She had never been left to stew in her anger before. _

_She sat there alone for several more minutes, drumming her fingers anxiously on her knees before the fury boiling in her blood got the better of her and she jumped to her feet. _

_She couldn't just sit here, she would explode. She needed to get out of here. Anywhere. _

_Snatching her car keys from the table, she barely remembered to lock the front door before she hurled herself into her car and slammed it into reverse, peeling down the street in a cloud of dust. _

X x x

"I didn't make you go to a bar." Sara pointed out sullenly.

"No. You didn't." Cath agreed softly. "I wish I hadn't. I just didn't know what else to do."

X x x

_She had barely even finished giving her order when a hot young blonde took the seat beside her and flashed her a striking grin. _

"_You look like you need cheering up." She commented brightly. _

_Catherine had hoped that the drive over would have cooled her down a little, but no such luck. She accepted the martini and went to hand over the money, when the blonde beat her to it. _

"_Keep the change." She winked at the bartender before leaning close to Catherine; close enough for her to smell the sweet perfume she was wearing. "My name's Emma." She drawled, purposefully letting her lips graze Cath's ear. _

_Catherine pulled back slightly to give her a once over. She was about the same age as Sara, but that's where the similarities ended. This woman was confident, flirtatious and donning a very short skirt. _

_Every reasonable cell in her head was screaming at her to back off; to inform this woman that she was already taken. But all that came out was one word. _

"_Catherine." _

_After that, it had been a trio of cocktails, a cab-ride she barely remembered and a rush of frantic, groping hands as their clothes were shed one by one en route to the bedroom. _

_The one thing she could remember; the thing that would remain burned into her conscience forever was the look on Sara's face as she stood in the threshold, tears streaming down her pale face. _

_Sheer, undisguised heartbreak. _

X x x

"I wish I had never met her." Cath sniffed. "I wish you and I could go back to how things were before."

"Things were never that simple between us." Sara said, casting her gaze lazily around their cage in a determined attempt to look anywhere but at Catherine's face. "That's the reason we fought in the first place."

"We could have made it work."

"How?" She blinked. "You were only interested in me for one thing. We both knew that."

"What?" Catherine snapped her head round so fast she nearly got whiplash. "What makes you think that?"

Sara shrugged.

"You were perfectly happy with me, as long as we weren't seen together in public."

"Sara, you meant the world to me. I wanted so much more than sex." Cath promised earnestly, crawling closer. "I was just scared."

"Scared of me?" Sara asked, concern lacing her voice as she finally met her gaze.

"No, of course not." She shook her head. "I was scared of the repercussions, I guess. I didn't know how to deal with the stares, people whispering about us." She dropped her eyes into her lap. "I was a coward."

Sara fell quiet, considering this admission.

"We probably should have had this conversation several months ago."

The statement drew a soft laugh from Catherine.

"Hmm, if only." She hummed in agreement. "Maybe things would have turned out different."

Sensing where Cath was going with this, Sara promptly changed the subject.

"You seem to handle it alright with Emma." She pointed out, clearing her throat.

Cath pursed her lips. She hadn't even thought about Emma until now. How on Earth was she going to explain this to her?

"I don't work with Emma." She replied quietly when she realised Sara was still waiting for an answer. "Besides, she doesn't really give me a choice; if Emma wants to go out we go out."

"You should leave her." Sara repeated her earlier statement, shaking her head in disgust.

"I wish I could." Catherine shrugged. "The truth is I'm a wimp when it comes to relationships. I always have been." Sara gave her a curious look. "Sar, the thought of being alone scares me more than anything. When you left, I thought I'd blown my one chance for happiness. So I stayed with Emma. I stayed with her because even though she wasn't you, she was someone who wanted me. I thought that was enough."

"And?" The brunette pressed softly. Cath cocked her head to the side in thought.

"It's not enough." She answered at last.

They lapsed into silence, each contemplating the situation they'd found themselves in.

"I still dream about you all the time, you know." Catherine said at last, staring at Sara from beneath her lashes. "I wish things were different between us. Maybe now…"

"No." Sara cut her off. "Look, I will always care about you and Linds, you know that." She promised. "But you cheated on me. And now you've cheated with me."

"I didn't hear you saying no." She mumbled. "Anyway, I'm not the only one who's going to be in trouble here. What about Steph?"

Sara snapped her head up, an inquisitive look on her face.

"How did you know about that?"

Catherine gave her a dubious look.

"You weren't exactly subtle about it at the hospital the other day."

"Steph and I aren't … it's not serious." She explained weakly. "We're just seeing where things go."

"Well, either way I don't think she'd approve of this."

"No." Sara breathed. "But at least she won't beat me up for it."

Catherine looked away in embarrassment. She had to admit that worry had crossed her mind.

"You need to end it."

"Would you take me back?" The words had left her mouth before they'd even come into her head.

"Cat…"

Before Sara could finish her sentence, the elevator lurched and they were suddenly thrown against the wall as the light flickered back to life and the carriage seemed to swing for a moment before jolting its way slowly up the shaft.

They helped each other silently to their feet and gathered up their abandoned crime scene kits just as the heavy doors creaked open.

The lab was awash with relieved techs scampering back to their newly lit-up labs, eager to reclaim the use of their microscopes and analysis machines.

As the pair stepped out into the hallway, they were instantly greeted by a concerned Gil Grissom.

"Thank God." He breathed. "Are you two alright?" The girls exchanged an awkward sideways glance.

"We're fine, Gil." Catherine assured him at last, backed up by an uncertain nod from Sara.

Satisfied that they were in one piece, he instructed them to leave their evidence in the vault and go home.

"You've earned a few hours rest." He declared. "Your case can wait until tonight."

It suddenly crossed their minds that neither knew what time it was, but they quickly decided that it didn't matter.

Catherine's cell phone vibrated against her hip with a series of missed calls and messages. Evidently her signal had dropped off at some point while they had been trapped. Funnily enough, it hadn't even occurred to her to check it.

She pulled it out and released a heavy sigh. Emma had spent two hours trying to get in touch.

"You should call her." Sara said hoarsely. "She'll be worried about you."

Catherine looked up sadly, but Sara was already walking away.

X x x

The water had long since gone cold but she couldn't move. She continued to sit with her knees curled up to her chest – In much the same way Sara had in the elevator – her tears mingling with the water beating down on her back. When she had been stripping off she could still feel Sara's hands on her skin, but now all she felt was numb.

When she finally found the strength to move, she climbed out and wrapped herself in a towel. The soft cotton fabric soothed her raw skin as the warmth injected some mobility back into her muscles.

She shuffled out of the en-suite and dropped onto the end of the bed, staring blankly at the wall ahead.

"Hey, I thought you were going to stay in there all day." Emma joked softly, wandering into the room with a cup of steaming tea in her hands. "You feeling any better?"

"A bit." Cath lied, offering a meek shrug as she wrapped the towel tighter around herself. It was silly, she knew; Emma had seen her naked before. But after committing such an intimate act with Sara, it felt almost sacrilegious to be seen by someone else.

Sara would always own her body.

"Are you sure you're okay?" Emma pressed softly, dragging a hand through her damp hair.

"I'm fine." She lied again, even attempting a weak smile. "It's just been a long day."

"Yeah, I bet." Emma hummed, sliding onto her lap and pressing a kiss to her temple. "Stuck in that dark elevator all on your own. You must have been terrified."

"Hmm." Cath agreed half-heartedly. It hadn't seemed worth the trouble to tell her the truth. She didn't have the energy to defend herself against the potential accusations – especially since most of them were true.

Emma clambered off and kissed her gently on the lips.

"Get dressed and I'll make you something to eat." She smiled sweetly.

Catherine watched her go, sadness clouding her features.

The fact that Emma was being nice to her was not making what she was about to do any easier.

X x x

Emma smiled brightly when Catherine walked in, presenting her with a plate of steaming hot spaghetti.

"Sit down; I'll get you a drink." She announced chirpily.

Catherine, however, didn't move from her spot in the doorway and the smile gradually faded from Emma's face as she realised that something was wrong.

"Ems," Cath started in as firm a voice as she could muster. "There's something I need to tell you."

X x x

When Sara opened her front door, she almost looked like she was expecting it.

"It's over." Catherine mumbled in a shaky voice – she wasn't sure whether she was shivering from the cold rain seeping into her clothes or the butterflies that had taken up residence in her stomach. Probably both, she decided. "I ended it."

Sara scrutinised her for a second with an unreadable expression before apparently making a decision and tugging her into flat out of rain. Cath looked pathetic as she dripped in the entrance, staring at Sara expectantly for a response. The brunette, however, had disappeared, leaving her stood alone in the small apartment. When she emerged from the bathroom with a warm towel, Catherine gladly accepted it, inhaling the familiar scent with a contented sigh.

As the younger woman set about pouring her a cup of coffee, it struck Cath that she had yet to say anything.

Tossing the towel onto the couch, she moved to stand behind Sara; who obviously hadn't heard her as she started to find the blonde so close.

Catherine stepped forwards, a hopeful smile playing on her lips.

"You never answered my question." She pointed out quietly.

"Cat," Sara began, attempting to put as much distance between them as she could in the tiny kitchen. "We can't…"

"It's okay." Catherine assured her, reaching out a hand to stroke her arm. "I told you, it's over."

"That doesn't change anything." Sara insisted, wriggling out from her trapped position.

"I love you Sara, I want you back." Cath gushed hurriedly. "I promise, whatever's happened, I will never hurt you again. After what happened tonight, I thought…"

"No, you don't understand…" Sara gripped her shoulders, attempting to hold her at bay.

"Sar?"

Catherine turned, her cheeks flushing pink at the realisation that they weren't alone. Steph was staring at them with confusion but it was clear from her expression that she had heard everything.

"Oh, God." Cath gasped, backing away. "Sara, I …" She trailed off, stumbling blindly towards the door. Steph narrowly dodged out of her way, as she threw it open and disappeared back into the pouring rain.

X x x

She had never felt so stupid.

Of course it didn't change anything. How could she think that one panic-stricken moment of lust could erase everything that had happened between them?

Sara would hate her for dropping her in it with Steph.

And Steph would hate her for sleeping with her girlfriend.

Her daughter already hated her. As did her sister, and probably her mother.

Now, she didn't even have Emma.

She had driven to Sara's flat but she elected to walk home. She was so numb; she barely even felt the rain anymore.

As she sloped back up her drive, idly hoping that her house keys weren't still in her car, she stopped short at the bottom of her steps.

"What are you doing here?"

That didn't come out exactly as she'd planned it, but it was the first thing she managed to utter in her surprise.

Steph stepped out from the shadows, raising her eyes to Catherine's.

"I want to talk to you." She declared coolly. Cath held her hands up weakly in surrender.

"Look, I'm already down okay. So, whatever you've come to say to me, save your breath. You've won."

Steph cocked her head to the side, gesturing to the house.

"In that case, you're going to want to hear what I have to say."


	15. I'd do anything for love

**I hope this is what you've all been waiting for :) Leave a review, let me know what you think**

**x x x x**

Catherine's hands continued to shake despite her attempts to utter calming words to herself as she poured two mugs of steaming coffee. She didn't know what Steph had to say to her; but since she had just professed her love to the mechanic's girlfriend, she couldn't imagine it was good.

Taking what was intended to be a calming breath; she picked up the drinks and made her way back to the lounge.

Steph had her back to her, staring at a photo on the mantelpiece. It was a picture of Lindsey taken right before a dancing competition. She had looked like a little doll with her pink dress and blonde hair pulled into a neat bun.

"How old is your daughter now?" She asked, ambling over to the couch and accepting her coffee; even though it was late at night and caffeine was the last thing she needed.

"Thirteen." Cath answered. She had never really noticed it before but Steph had a distinctly southern accent.

"Sara loves her." A soft smile drifted across the younger woman's face as she traced a finger lazily around the top of her mug. "She's always talking about her."

Catherine shifted awkwardly in her seat, clearing her throat.

"You didn't bring me here to talk about Lindsey."

The smile quickly vanished and Steph straightened up in her seat.

"No." She agreed soberly. She tossed her damp dirty-blonde waves over her shoulder and fixed Catherine with a piercing look. "Sara told me what happened this morning. She told me everything."

Cath fidgeted under her intense gaze, a pink blush creeping up her cheeks.

"Listen, Steph…"

"Don't." She cut her off. "I'm not angry."

The CSI blinked, confusion marring her features.

"You're not?"

Steph sat forward, resting her hands on her knees.

"Look, I don't like what you did to Sara." She began. "And I will never forgive you for breaking her heart like you did." Catherine dropped her gaze as she spoke, nodding in understanding. "But," Steph continued, licking her lips slowly. "I know that you do love her. And I know that deep down Sara feels the same."

The words took a second to register before Cath snapped her head up, searching the other woman's face for the truth.

"She does?"

"Of course she does." Steph laughed dryly, standing up. "I've ended it."

For a moment neither moved. Finally, Catherine lifted her head to blink up at the figure towering over her.

"You … what?"

"Catherine, Sara's my best friend and I love the bones of her." She said firmly, cracks beginning to form in her tough façade. "But the heart wants what it wants. And Sara's heart wants you."

Slowly, Catherine stood up and threw her hands up helplessly.

"I don't know what to say."

"You can say that you're never going to hurt her."

"Never. I couldn't…"

Steph held her gaze for a long minute before accepting the promise and dropping her eyes to the floor.

"She's sitting at home, waiting for you to go to her." She mumbled sadly. "You don't get second chances with Sara very often – and remember; if you screw this up again, I know where you live."

Catherine laughed softly, although the look in Steph's eye suggested she was only half-joking.

Having said all she came to say, Steph couldn't find any reason to stick around in this woman's house and gathered her jacket from where she had discarded it on the back of a chair. Catherine led her silently to the door, her head still spinning from the turn of events.

On the doorstep, Steph turned to her.

"Take good care of her Catherine." It was the first time she had let a hint of vulnerability creep into her voice and it suddenly struck Catherine how much this woman was giving up for her.

Stephanie was giving up everything that Cath couldn't live without. If she situation was reversed, she knew that she couldn't be so selfless. She nodded sincerely, offering what she hoped was a reassuring smile.

"I will, for as long as she'll let me."

X x x

This time when Sara opened the door, Catherine didn't need to say a word.

Her dark eyes were red from crying and her expression was cautious and guarded.

Cath took a deliberately slow step forward. Then another. Sara didn't move. In one swift movement, Catherine closed the distance between them and pressed a fierce kiss to her lips.

It was all the words they couldn't say and all the things they were too scared to admit out loud.

It was what they both needed.

It was the first time in a year that everything seemed to fall into place.

X x x

Sara released a sigh, her breath misting in the cool night air. She gripped her coffee cup tighter, casting her gaze across the distant city lights as she watched the darkness begin to unfold from dusk.

The sound of her balcony door sliding open snapped her out of her thoughts.

"There you are." Catherine commented, crouching down beside her. She almost sounded relieved, as if the young woman might have disappeared while she was sleeping. Sara sent her a sideways smile and held out her coffee to the blonde. She was wrapped only in the silk bed sheets and gladly accepted the warm drink.

"I called Grissom; he said we can have the night off." Sara said after a long moment.

"Wow, he must be feeling guilty." Cath chuckled softly.

Sara turned to her, leaning her back against the railings.

"What does Lindsey know about you and Emma?"

Sensing the change in tone of the conversation, Catherine's look darkened slightly.

"Nothing much. I was upset, so she knows something's wrong. I dropped her off at a friend's house."

"Yeah I know." Sara breathed. "I called your sister. She's picked her up; you collect her from there in the morning."

"Thank you." Catherine cocked her head to the side. "Did you tell Nancy about us?"

"No, I thought I'd leave that up to you." Sara gave her a curious half smile. "She sounded surprised that I was asking for her help – you two had a fight?"

Catherine released a breath, staring into the bottom of the mug that she held against her chest. "I guess you could call it that. We haven't spoken in months."

Sara frowned, waiting for elaboration.

"She thought I was making a mistake with Emma – and I hate it when she's right."

Sara laughed brightly and Catherine realised it was the first time she had heard that sound since … she couldn't even remember when.

With a playful smile she shuffled closer and nudged her shoulder.

"I dreamt about you." She hummed. "I will never stop dreaming of you, every night of my life."

"You work nights." Sara retorted casually, turning her gaze lazily back to the city.

"You know what I mean." Cath pouted teasingly, giving her another nudge. As their bare skin brushed together, Sara jumped at how icy cold Cath was and grabbed her arm lightly.

"Come on." She mumbled, tugging her back into the warmth of the flat.

Inside, she set about making them something to eat.

Catherine watched her from a distance for a few minutes. She had always enjoyed watching Sara cook; it was like watching a dancer on the stage, graceful and intricate. Eventually, she shuffled over and nestled against Sara's back.

"I love you." She whispered, so quiet it was barely audible.

She felt Sara go still in her arms and for a terrifying second she thought she'd misunderstood everything that had happened in the last few hours, when finally Sara's muscles relaxed.

"I love you too." She replied softly.

Cath released the breath she had been holding and gave Sara a gentle squeeze before releasing her entirely and taking a seat at the bench to continue watching the chef at work.

Clearly the brunette still needed some time to adjust before things could go back to how they were. But she could wait. She would wait until the end of time for this woman.

"Don't you want to get dressed before you eat?" Sara asked as she laid out the food.

"Do _you_ want me to get dressed?" Cath retorted teasingly, snatching up a piece of warm buttered bread.

"Not particularly." Sara replied, biting back a smile. "I just thought you might be more comfortable."

Catherine grinned, silently answering her question. Getting the hint, Sara took up residence beside her and began tucking in.

They ate in companionable silence, each taking the time to get their heads around the new developments in their relationship. Sooner or later they both knew that they were going to have to talk about it, but for now they were both just happy to enjoy each other's company.

"Why don't you come with me to pick Lindsey up from Nancy's?" Catherine said at last. "We could tell her the good news together?"

Sara cocked her head to the side, considering this.

"Sure, okay." She agreed tentatively at last. Catherine beamed.

"Great. I guess I should put some clothes on." She gathered the sheets around her and pressed a kiss to Sara's lips before hopping off the stool and sweeping into the bedroom.

Sara watched her go, shaking her head in amusement.

That was one thing she had missed most about being with Catherine: her playfulness, her sense of humour.

Her smile.

X x x

Sara attempted to keep her eyes firmly on the road, but her passenger was making it exceedingly difficult to concentrate.

"You know, that's really distracting." She commented at last. Catherine paused mid-way through doodling circles on her thigh and retracted her hand with a small smirk.

"Sorry." She mumbled unapologetically.

It wasn't until Catherine had found all of her clothes that she remembered the long walk in the rain and discovered that most of them still hadn't dried.

And Sara had gallantly offered to drive her home to change.

"I'm just excited." She shifted in her seat, attempting to prise her damp jeans away from her legs .

"Why?" Sara sent her a brief puzzled look. Catherine smiled wistfully out of the window.

"You have no idea how long I've been waiting to be able to do this, to hold you and touch you."

"Thirteen months, three weeks." Sara answered instantly, causing a surprised laugh to bubble from Catherine's lips.

"Alright, so maybe you do know."

Beside her, Sara gripped the steering wheel a little tighter.

"Cat, I've missed you like crazy but … I want to take things slow."

"Slow?" Cath repeated, quirking an eyebrow. "Isn't it a bit late for that?" She saw Sara's lips spread into a smirk.

"Alright, point taken." The brunette hummed. "But we can't just go back to how things were."

"I know, things weren't perfect last time," Catherine agreed softly. "But we've talked about that, we can change things…"

"No." Sara cut her off. "I mean, yes we do need to change things from last time but that's not what I meant." She shook her head, struggling to get her thoughts in order. She had determined to keep her attention on the road because she knew that if she looked into Catherine's earnest blue eyes she would break, but it was getting increasingly harder to avoid doing just that. "You know that this doesn't wipe the slate clean, right? I mean, what happened still happened and it's going to take some time to adjust to us again."

"I know." Catherine dropped her gaze into her lap. "But I will never do anything like that again…"

"I know." Sara reached out a hand blindly to rest on her knee. "I have spent so long trying to work out why you did it. I can forgive … but I'm not sure I can just forget…"

Catherine nodded silently, understanding what she was trying to say.

"I can live with that." She decided at last, placing a hand over Sara's.

X x x

"I won't be long." She flashed a smile and disappeared into the en-suite; leaving Sara sat on the bed looking somewhat lost.

Out of force of habit, she went to close the bathroom door but she stopped herself and left it half open. With Emma gone, there was suddenly no urgent need for privacy.

Alone in the bedroom, Sara stood up and began wandering around the room. It hadn't changed much since she was last here; a few ornaments had been moved around and a photo frame had disappeared from the bedside table. It had held a photo of Lindsey and Catherine; Sara had always thought it sweet that Catherine wanted her daughter to be the first thing she saw when she woke up.

As she stared at the empty spot on the table, she caught sight of something else that had changed. Beside the lamp, tucked behind the alarm clock was a small tub of pills.

X x x

Catherine hummed to herself contentedly as she dragged the brush through her hair. She'd considered washing it again, but decided against it and settled for trying it up in a loose ponytail. Emma had hated her wearing her hair up – she thought it made her look like a teacher, but Sara always said it made her look sexy.

Then again, she could turn up wearing a bin liner and Sara still wouldn't contest it.

After dumping her damp clothes in the laundry hamper and casting a final glance at her reflection she wandered back to the bedroom, where her heart leapt to her throat.

Sara was sat on the edge of the bed, staring in bemusement at a tub of diet pills. She looked up at the sound of soft footsteps, confusion written all over her face.

"Are these yours?"

Cath pursed her lips, offering a weak shrug as she inched closer.

"Maybe."

Sara shook her head, not understanding.

"Cat, what the hell do you need with diet pills?" She asked, her voice thick with concern. "If you lost any more weight we'd never be able to see you."

"It's nothing." Catherine attempted to shrug it off. "It was just something Emma said."

"She called you fat?" She couldn't lie; the incredulity in Sara's voice gave a slight boost to her self-esteem.

"Not in so many words." Cath shrugged, dragging her toe across the carpet in order to avoid meeting her girlfriend's gaze. "But yeah, that was the gist of it."

"I knew you'd lost weight recently, but …" The words caught in Sara's throat as tears began to sting at her eyes.

"Hey, it's okay." Catherine stepped up to her, startled by the sudden emotional turn. "I'll stop." She gently prised the tub from Sara's hands and walked over to the dresser where she dropped them into the trash can. "See?"

Sara, who hadn't moved from her spot, sat down slowly on the bed.

"What else did she make you do?" She asked softly, lifting her eyes.

Catherine released a deep breath. She had known they would have to talk about this sooner or later. She'd just hoped it would be later.

X x x

Sara killed the engine and dropped her hands into her lap.

"You know I will never make you do anything you don't want." She said softly at last. Catherine quirked an eyebrow, reaching out to grip her hand.

"I know, baby." She promised.

"It's just … what she put you through, I…"

"It's okay." Cath cut her off gently. "It's over now."

"Yeah, it is." Sara smiled weakly.

They shared a moment of contented quiet before Cath nudged her and climbed out of the car.

Nancy opened the door before she'd even finished knocking.

"I thought you were going to sit in there all day." The younger sister commented, idly leaning against the doorframe.

"Yeah, well." Cath shrugged, not sure what else to say. It wasn't the first time she had fallen out with her sibling, but usually they would have made up by now.

"Have you spoken to mom?"

"No, should I have?"

"She was trying to get hold of you during the power cut." Nancy explained.

"Oh, I'll talk to her later." Catherine hummed, attempting to peer around her into the house. As she moved, Nancy caught sight of Sara leaning against the car.

"So, you two are…?"

"Yeah." Cath breathed. "Yeah we are."

Lindsey appeared at the bottom of the stairs and hovered nervously behind her aunt.

"Hi mom." She greeted softly, clearly unnerved by her mother's earlier breakdown. Unlike her previous state of mind, however, Catherine grinned.

"Hey baby." She reached out a hand, tugging her closer. "There's someone to see you."

Lindsey followed her line of sight to the car, her blue eyes widening in shock.

"Sara!"

The pre-teen took off like a bullet down the drive, throwing herself at the dark-haired woman. Sara scooped her up, burying herself in sweet scented blonde waves.

Stooping down to collect her daughter's discarded bag, Catherine made to leave when her sister's voice held her back.

"Cathy," Nancy waited for her to turn around before letting a sly grin spread across her face. "I told you so."


	16. A new day has come

**Shorter than my last few and not my favourite work, but I hope you enjoy anyway. **

**I'm not sure how long this story will be, but I've got a few more chapters planned yet :) Hope you're all still enjoying it and thank you to everyone reviewing :)**

**x x x x**

"I'm hungry." Catherine sighed, tipping her head back to peer up at her girlfriend. "Are you hungry?"

"Not particularly." Sara mumbled sleepily. Cath shuffled, tucking her head into the crook of Sara's neck and staring up at her with bright blue eyes. The brunette, in contrast, remained the picture of peacefulness as she dozed.

"Maybe we could go out for breakfast?" Cath suggested, peppering kisses along her shoulder in an attempt to get a more lively response.

"Sure, I'll get dressed." Sara agreed; keeping her eyes closed and making no overt effort to move. Catherine grinned playfully at her, letting her hand wander lazily across the woman's bare, toned stomach.

"Aw, sleepy baby girl." She teased, snuggling impossibly closer.

It had surprised her just how easily she had slipped back into the use of pet names. Before, Sara used to contest them at every given opportunity but this time she appeared to have accepted them with minimal argument. This was a fortunate thing, since Catherine didn't seem able to control her use of them around the younger woman.

"I'm fine." Sara murmured, a small frown marring her tranquil expression. "I'm not tired."

Catherine propped herself up on her elbow, smiling down at her.

"I tell you what, why don't I go out and bring breakfast back here?" She offered, tracing the path of Sara's collar bone with her index finger. "That way you can catch up on your sleep."

She took the non-existent reply as a yes and pressed a kiss to Sara's lips before shuffling to the edge of the bed; when a warm hand snuck out and gripped her wrist, stilling her movements.

"Cat?" Sara murmured, fluttering her eyes open and seeking out the strawberry-blonde. "Those bites…" she released Cath's wrist and moved her hand to let it rest on her thigh, letting her fingertips dance across the damaged skin there. "Did Emma do that?"

"No love, I was practicing my dentistry." Catherine answered sarcastically. "Of course it was her, who else?"

"They look painful." Sara continued, rolling onto her side in order to see her better. Cath shifted back against the headboard, adjusting the covers around them.

"It's not the worst I've ever had." She shrugged, dragging her fingers through Sara's dark locks. "I'm used to people being rough with me. Truth be told, you're the only one who doesn't treat me like a plaything."

Sara muttered something incoherent under her breath and nestled against Cath's hip.

"God knows," Catherine continued, idly running her hand up and down Sara's back. "Eddie was like a pig in bed." She snorted. "And Emma was something of a piranha when she really got into it."

"What about me?" Sara asked lazily, letting her eyes drift closed again. "What animal would you liken me to?" Catherine cocked her head to the side, considering the question. Sara's touch, unlike anybody else she'd ever come into contact with, was so gentle it was barely even noticeable. She smiled brightly, leaning down to press a kiss against her forehead.

"A ladybug."

"What?" Sara squeaked indignantly, flicking her eyes back open. Catherine patted her stomach lightly before swinging her legs out of the bed.

"Don't worry." She assured her affectionately. "I won't tell Grissom. He might put you in a jar in his office."

X x x

By the time Catherine returned, armed with croissants, doughnuts and a fresh bag of instant coffee, Sara had finally managed to crawl out from beneath the covers. The sound of running water suggested she was in the shower, so Cath opted to lay the table out first before heading back upstairs.

"Well, look who got up." She commented, leaning against the doorframe.

Sara turned, half dressed, and sent her a smile.

"Hey, you're back." She greeted, much more alert than earlier.

"Yeah, breakfasts on the table." Cath informed her, stepping further into the bathroom and beginning to shed her clothes. "I'll join you in a few minutes."

"I'll wait." Sara assured her, blushing bashfully as Catherine stripped off and stepped past her into the vacated shower with a seductive grin.

Cath knew full well what she was doing to the brunette, and she loved every second of it. Sara, ever the sweetheart, would look away out of respect when she was changing; but Cath couldn't deny that it gave her ego a much needed boost when she caught such beautiful brown eyes watching her from beneath those long lashes.

Lust aside; there was something distinctly comfortable and familiar about undressing in front of Sara. She didn't feel the need to shield her body anymore.  
Sara was much more shy; but then she always had been. Still, Catherine liked a challenge.

"Is Lindsey up yet?" The younger's CSIs voice filtered through the shower curtain.

"No, I'll get her in a little while." Cath called back. She could hear the sound of Sara chuckling to herself and tugged the curtain aside, poking her head out.

"Something amusing, Miss Sidle?" She inquired playfully.

"I was just thinking," Sara hummed, absently waving her toothbrush as she spoke. "We're like a regular little family, aren't we?"

"Regular?" Cath laughed, tossing her long wet hair aside. "I'm not sure the stay-at-home-PTA mothers and their high-flying husbands would agree with that."

"Like I give a rat's ass what the Junior High Mafia and their spouses have to say." Sara scoffed. "Just because you're born with a silver spoon, doesn't mean you know a thing about family."

Catherine was, supposedly, on the PTA; although the last time she had made it to a meeting was the beginning of Lindsey's first semester. As far as the other parent's were concerned she was white trash. Somehow, although she was damned if she knew how, her past profession had been leaked to the group. Since then she had given up trying to play the perfect, have it all mother that they all seemed to be.

After all, Sara was right: they might have everything, but that didn't make a family.

"Are you saying you're not going to join when they next start recruiting?" She ribbed. At Sara's sarcastic response, a mischievous grin spread across Catherine's lips and she leant out of the shower, grabbing her girlfriend by the waist and tugging her backwards into the shower.

"Cat!" Sara squealed, squirming fiercely in her tight grip as the warm water soaked into her clothes. "You're getting me all wet!" Catherine smirked at her.

"Well good, I'd be worried if I wasn't." She teased seductively, pressing her body against Sara's.

The girl blushed furiously as she realised what she'd said, but eventually managed to wriggle free and stumbled back into the cool air of the bathroom.

Deciding that she was as clean as she was going to get after their close encounter, Cath followed her out and wrapped herself in a towel.

"You've got a short memory." Sara half-joked, peeling her soaked t-shirt off. "I thought we were going to take things slow?"

"Yeah, but I didn't think you meant right now." Cath responded easily.

As they each moved into the bedroom and started getting dressed – or redressed, in Sara's case – Catherine stilled and watched her from across the room for a couple of minutes.

"Would you like to have dinner?" She suggested at last.

Sara looked up, a soft frown on her face.

"Dinner?"

"Yeah." Cath shrugged, ambling over to her. "You were right; we do have some stuff to talk about." She admitted softly. "I thought maybe tonight we could get everything out into the open."

Sara cocked her head to the side, raising a questioning eyebrow. She always could tell when the blonde wasn't telling her the whole story.

Recognising the sceptical look, Cath dropped onto the bed and released a sigh.

"You were right before, I didn't treat you like a girlfriend last time." She paused, licking her lips. "When Steph came to see me she warned me that you don't often get second chances with you. So, this time, I want to do it right."

"So do I." Sara agreed quietly. Catherine looked up, sending her a hopeful smile. "But can we eat breakfast first before we start making dinner plans?"

X x x

"Linds?" Cath rapped lightly on the door, poking her head inside. Although still in bed, her daughter was wide awake and shuffled upright, putting the book she was reading aside.

"Hi mom." She grinned.

Catherine wandered in and sat down on the edge of the bed, running her fingers through the girl's hair.

"Hey, I've brought us some breakfast. You hungry?"

"Sure." Lindsey nodded eagerly, shuffling out of bed. Halfway to her dresser, she paused and cast a wary glance towards her mother. "Mommy? Are you and Sara going to stay together this time?"

Catherine released a breath, trailing her gaze to the ceiling as she contemplated her answer.

"Honey, I really hope so." She said at last. "We're going to do whatever it takes to make it work this time."

"Good." Lindsey nodded abruptly, wriggling out of her pyjama top and rifling through her drawers for a clean shirt. Ordinarily she would have banished her parent from the room by now; but after everything that had happened recently, she had mellowed towards her mom a little.

Cath stood up, electing to give her child some privacy anyway, but something caught her eye as she went to leave.

"Where's your music box?" She asked lightly, glancing around the room in search of it.

Lindsey stilled, mumbling something incoherent.

"Linds?" Cath pressed softly, taking a small step closer.

Realising that she was going to have to answer one way or another, Lindsey reluctantly crouched down and retrieved the broken box from under her bed.

Catherine's puzzled frown contorted into an expression of shock.

"Emma broke it." The girl murmured sadly, keeping her eyes low.

Slowly, Catherine made her way across the room and knelt down, wrapping Lindsey into a tight hug from behind.

"I'm so sorry, baby." She mumbled against her ear, pressing a kiss to her soft skin. "For everything – for the last year."

"It's okay mommy." Lindsey shrugged, nestling against her.

Despite her current state of undress, it felt oddly comfortable to be in her mother's embrace. It reminded her of childhood bath times and blisteringly hot summer mornings spent laid in bed with a book.  
She felt safe and secure again.

"No, it's not okay." Cath insisted tearfully. "But things are going to be different from now on. You, me and Sara – we're going to do things right from now on. I promise."

X x x

Catherine pushed her food around the plate distractedly, humming in agreement to whatever she was being told.

"Alright, what's wrong?" Sara sighed, putting her fork down and fixing her girlfriend with a penetrating look. Cath blinked, snapping back to the restaurant.

"What?"

"You brought me here to talk and you've barely said five words all night." Sara pressed, drawing a hangdog smile from Catherine.

"Sorry, I guess my minds elsewhere tonight."

"What's wrong?" Sara softened her voice. Cath dropped her gaze to her plate, toying habitually with the napkin on her lap.

"You know Lindsey's music box – the one Eddie bought her?"

"Waltz of the flowers?" Sara nodded.

"Emma smashed it."

Unconsciously, Sara tightened her grip on her wineglass.

"She what?" Her voice was dangerously low and when Catherine flicked her eyes up she wasn't surprised to see that Sara's features had darkened with anger.

"The night I took you to the hospital, after your bike crash." She swallowed. "I guess you were right, I shouldn't have left them alone. First chance she got to get back at Lindsey for accusing her of abuse, she took it. Smashed that box to smithereens on the edge of her dresser."

"Oh God." Sara shook her head, running a hand through her hair.

"I can't believe I was so blind to not even notice what was going on in my own home. I always said I would put Lindsey first." Catherine mumbled. "Guess I really screwed up this time."

"Things will be different from now on." Sara insisted, laying her hand on the table and waiting for Catherine to take it in her own. "You and I, and Lindsey, we're going to be okay. It's going to take some time but … we'll make it work."

Catherine's expression brightened a little and she nodded determinedly, interlocking their fingers tightly.

"Yeah, we will."


	17. The name of the game

**Hope you guys enjoy this. It's kind of a filler chapter, but I'm building up to something :) **

**x x x x**

Sara released a shaky breath, clenching and unclenching her fists around the steering wheel as she built up the nerve to get out of the car.

She didn't know why she was so tense. Steph was still her friend, after all. But it was the first time she had seen the blonde since getting back together with Catherine and an unusual feeling had settled itself in the pit of her stomach on the way over here.

She knew Steph didn't blame her for choosing Catherine, but she couldn't help but feel guilty about leaving her in the cold like she had. Having herself been left for someone else, she knew the pain it could cause and she had never wanted to inflict that on anyone, let alone such a good friend.

Attempting to still the butterflies in her stomach, she carefully picked up the cardboard box sitting on her passenger seat and climbed out, squinting against the morning sun.

"Hey," she greeted, ambling as casually as she could into the garage.

"Hey," Steph echoed brightly, wiping her oily hands on her jumpsuit. "And here I thought you were avoiding me." She half-joked. Typical, Sara thought to herself. Steph was never one to ignore the pink elephant in the room. "You missing me already?"

Sara smiled shyly, lurking in the doorway.

"Always." She retorted bashfully. "But I actually came to ask you a favour."

"Sure, shoot."

"I was wondering if I could borrow your tools."

Steph quirked an eyebrow and, curiosity finally getting the better of her, she sashayed over and peered into the box Sara was holding.

"Honey, it's going to take more than professional tools to fix that." She teased, noting the pile of splintered wood lining the box.

"It's Lindsey's music box." Sara explained. "Cat's crazy ex smashed it."

"Oh." Steph frowned, instantly sobering up. "Wouldn't it be easier to buy her a new one?"

"Her dad gave it to her." Sara pursed her lips. She had told Steph about Catherine's past with Eddie and his subsequent death. Herself a single parent, Steph could identify with the older CSI on such matters. As much as she hated her husband for running out on them, she could never take away her little boy's respect for his daddy.

"Ah, I see." She nodded in understanding, taking the box from Sara and wandering over to her work bench at the back of the garage. "Well, we've got some work to do then, Miss Sidle."

"You're not too busy?" Sara trailed after her, gesturing to the car propped up on the forecourt.

"Yeah, but this is more interesting." She grinned, lifting the delicate toy out of the box and setting it down inamongst the piles of spark plugs and miscellaneous screws. "Besides, a little girl's heart is at stake."

Sara smiled, joining her at the bench.

"Well," Steph hummed after a brief examination. "The frame can be rebuilt with most of the pieces here – we might need to substitute a few pieces but she'll never need to know that. Can you remember the design?"

"Yeah, yeah it had horses on it; like a carousel."

"In that case, I'll build and you paint." Steph grinned, pointing to a box on the top shelf that was filled with paint brushes and an assortment of coloured pots. "You can start with the lid and I'll get my hammer."

"What about the music?" Sara queried.

"Cart before the horse, love." Steph flashed a playful smile, nudging her in the ribs. "You've got to buy me dinner before we get down to the music."

X x x

"Hey," Catherine grinned, leaning across the table to peck Sara's lips before moving back to the stove. "Where did you get to today?"

"I had a few things to take care of." She answered enigmatically, shedding her jacket.

"Hmm, are you going to tell me or is it a secret?" Cath quirked an eyebrow.

It wasn't that she needed or desired to know where Sara was every waking minute of the day; she trusted her girlfriend infinitely. But it was still fun to tease her on occasion.

This time, however, Sara didn't take the bait. She pursed her lips, neglecting to answer.

"Where's Linds?"

"Doing her homework … supposedly." Cath added, nodding to the ceiling where the faint sound of singing was filtering through.

Sara laughed brightly, cocking her head to the side and listening closely.

"Rihanna." She noted. "We'll work on her music taste. Anyway, I have something for her."

"Really?" Catherine questioned, wiping her hands on a towel and moving to the bottom of the stairs. "Lindsey!" The music clicked off and there was a moment of silence before a door opened and little footsteps came thundering down into the living room.

"What's wrong?" She asked instinctively, before spotting Sara and smiling brightly. "Hi."

"Hey Honeybee, I've got something for you." The brunette nudged the cardboard box out from where she had stashed it behind the chair and waited expectantly. Lindsey looked at her mother but Cath was no more the wiser and merely shrugged.

"This better not have a tail, missus." She raised a knowing eyebrow at Sara and perched on the edge of the coffee table to lean over her daughter's shoulder as the child crouched down and peeked into the box.

Sara couldn't help the grin creeping across her face as the little girl's eyes lit up.

"My music box!"

She lifted it out carefully and examined each side in turn before opening the lid and turning the newly fitted handle. The little ballerina, freshly painted into a pretty blue dress, began to turn to the familiar tune of waltz of the flowers.

"It works!"

"You little devil." Catherine shook her head, a bemused smile dancing on her lips. "How did you…?"

"I had some help." Sara admitted with a small shrug. At Cath's puzzled look she elaborated. "I went to see Steph…"

"Ah." Catherine nodded, a small twinge of guilt hitting her square in the chest. "How is she?"

"She's alright." Sara nodded. "Charlie's nearly three, can you believe that?"

Cath smiled weakly, opting not to answer. The thought of her girlfriend spending the day in her ex's company wasn't as upsetting as the idea that Steph was still looking out for them despite everything they had undoubtably put her through.

She wasn't sure that she could have been as accommodating in the same circumstances.

X x x

She was still annoyed with her sister, but Nancy Flynn couldn't help sharing a smile with her as her niece came tearing up the drive with a beaming smile.

"Hi Nancy!" She squealed, squeezing past her into the house and disappearing upstairs in search of Jeremy.

"She's cheerful." Nance commented, chuckling softly as Catherine wandered up the drive with Lindsey's backpack. She handed it to her sister and nodded in agreement.

"Sara did something sweet for her today." She explained. Nancy hummed a response, leaning against the doorframe.

"I guess things are really looking up for you, huh?" She said, noting that her sibling also looked happier than she had done in a long time. Catherine smiled bashfully.

"Yeah, I guess they are." She agreed.

They still hadn't spoken about their falling out; in fact they had barely even spoken since Cat got back together with Sara. Catherine desperately wanted to mend fences, but a lot of time had passed and she wasn't sure that her little sister felt the same.

"Hey." She posed tentatively. "If you're free tomorrow why don't you come round for coffee?"

"I'm busy." Nancy answered without missing a beat.

"Oh, okay." Catherine attempted to hide her dejection behind a nonchalant shrug. "Maybe another time." She hovered for a moment longer, but when Nancy didn't make any move to agree, she turned reluctantly to leave.

She got as far as the bottom of the drive when Nancy called her back. Cath turned, a hopeful look in her eyes.

"I'm taking Jeremy to the movies on Saturday. Maybe you and Sara could bring Lindsey?"

Catherine's face broke out in a bright smile.

"I can't wait."

X x x

Nick cocked his head to the side curiously, peering at her over the top of his sunglasses.

"You feeling okay?" He asked, jogging to keep up with her wide strides across the parking lot.

"Yeah, I'm fine." Catherine frowned softly. "Why?"

"You just seem … happier than usual."

"This is a bad thing?" She queried with amusement.

"No, of course not." The Texan chuckled, shaking his head. "I just wondered if there's something you're not telling me."

"Always Nicky." She grinned, sending him a sly wink as she ambled off ahead. He laughed, happy to see a smile back on her face. Truth be told, he couldn't remember the last time he had seen Catherine this relaxed. It was certainly before the team had been split up, maybe even longer ago. Something must have changed in order to have such a profound effect on her bad mood. Whatever it was, he just hoped it would stick around for a while.

Unfortunately, it didn't take long for her lazy grin to fade.

"Jesus, you don't waste time!"

The familiar voice echoed in Catherine's ears, causing her to freeze on the spot. Slowly, she turned to seek out the source. Nick, too, was looking around in bemusement at the bizarre remark.

Emma stepped out of the shadows into the dawn sunlight, anger and resentment seething beneath the surface of her green eyes.

"You putting the moves on your entire work force now?" She continued sassily, giving Nick a casual once-over.

"I'm sorry, can we help you?" He asked, holding up a hand in an attempt to halt her idle movements towards Catherine. The strawberry-blonde hadn't moved, her wary expression hiding the instinctive fear she felt at being cornered like this.

"Leave out the gentleman routine, Cowboy." Emma snorted, striding past him to stand in Cath's personal space.

"What are you doing here, Emma?" Catherine asked, keeping her voice as cool and steady as her bubbling nerves would allow.

"What?" Emma asked innocently. "You didn't really think you could just walk away from me did you?"

"Hey Cath, is she…" Nick stepped up to defend his friend, but Emma batted his hand away without a second thought and leant closer to Catherine.

"You forget, I know all your dirty little secrets. And I'm sure you don't want your colleagues to find out about them."

"I think you should leave now." Nick insisted, gritting his teeth and attempting to put himself between the women. He didn't know who this woman was or what she thought she knew about Catherine, but quite frankly he didn't care. And he wasn't about to stand there and let someone blackmail his friend.

"It's alright Nicky." Cath assured him softly, lifting her eyes to hold Emma's cold gaze. "You know what, I don't care anymore." She said, throwing her hands up. "Tell them. There's nothing you can say that they don't already know about me."

Strictly speaking, that wasn't true; Catherine just hoped that Emma wouldn't call her bluff.

Hoping that she had suitably deterred her ex, she turned to go inside; flanked by an increasingly puzzled Nick, who continued to cast warning glares over his shoulder.

They had almost made it to the stop of the steps and she was about to breathe a sigh of relief when that same callous voice hollered across the parking lot.

"That's right, go running back to your girlfriend! How many more of your colleagues are you bedding?" Emma yelled. "Just remember, Texas boy isn't always going to be around to fight your battles for you."

Tears stinging at her eyes, Catherine refused to stop or turn around and strode straight through the front doors.

Once inside, she moved like a bullet through the corridor until she reached the safety of her office, closing the door and all the blinds before sinking into her chair.

Finally, she could let her nerves show. Her whole body was shaking and her stomach felt like it was about to evict everything she'd eaten in the last few hours.

How much had Nick heard? Had he even understood it?

What if he told someone?

What if he told Sara?

X x x

"I'm telling you, there must be something going on."

"Between Cath and Sara?" Warrick scoffed. "Since when?"

"The way she was talking, it sounds like there was something between her and Catherine and that Cath had left her for someone else. A woman."

"Catherine is as straight as a pole." Warrick insisted, slurping his coffee.

"A maypole maybe." Nick quirked an eyebrow. "And what about Sara?" Warrick narrowed his eyes in thought.

"Alright, Sara I'd buy it." He agreed. "But come on, Catherine _and_ Sara … together? They'd kill each other before they made it to the bedroom."

"I'm just telling it like I heard." Nick held his hands up. "And whoever this woman was, her and Cath had history."

Warrick tapped his chin, considering this for a moment.

"You know … it might have been before you came from Texas, but for a while there was a rumour going round that Cath, you know, dated women." He said, trying to recall the exact circumstances that had caused them.

"Rumours? How did she react?"

"Oh you know Cath," Rick shrugged. "Water off a duck's back. And sooner or later they just faded away like all rumours do, but …"

"… They had to come from somewhere." Nick finished for him.

"Did she mention Sara by name?"

"No, she just said 'girlfriend'. But who else could it be?"

"Anyone." Warrick shrugged, snatching a biscuit from the packet Nick was munching on and ambling to the door.

"Nah, no way." Nick shook his head, oblivious to the blatant theft of his food. "Sara's the only woman I've ever seen get under Cath's skin. I'm telling you, if it's someone at the lab, it's got to be her."

"Yeah, okay; you find some proof there Colombo, you let me know." Warrick rolled his eyes sceptically, disappearing into the hallway. Nick shook his head, sinking back into his seat and staring forlornly at his crumbling cookies.

"No one ever takes me seriously in this place."


	18. Secrets

"I can't wait to get home." Sara rolled her shoulders, sliding her jacket on over her tank-top. "I am exhausted."

Catherine, oblivious to what her girlfriend had said, was too busy pacing from one side of the locker room to the other, wringing her hands anxiously.

"Cat?" Sara questioned, turning around and noticing the blonde's nervous actions for the first time.

Cath stopped moving and whirled to face her, but what came out of her mouth surprised them both.

"Have you spoken to Nick tonight?"

"No, should I have?" Sara asked, puzzled.

"No." Catherine breathed a sigh of relief, a little too obviously and Sara's body stiffened.

"What's wrong?" She frowned, moving around the bench to stand in front of the restless blonde.

"Nothing, it's…" Catherine paused.

If Sara knew that Emma was still hassling her, she wouldn't think twice about tracking her down and knocking her teeth out. But then, they had made a promise to each other that from now on there would be no more secrets between them. And she simply couldn't risk losing the brunette again.

"It's Emma." She confessed at last. "She came here, to the lab."

"When?" Sara almost yelped.

"Tonight; she cornered me in the parking lot."

"Are you alright?" Concerned hazel eyes began subconsciously scanning the older CSI for any sign of injury.

"I'm fine, she didn't hurt me. Nick was there too." Cath took her hands and sat them both down on the bench, pursing her lips as she considered her next words. "The thing is, she said something and I'm pretty sure he heard her."

"About you and me?" Sara quirked an eyebrow.

"She didn't mention you by name, but it was pretty obvious who she was referring to."

Sara tipped her head back, contemplating this development. They hadn't really talked about telling the boys yet, but she knew that Catherine wasn't ready for the world to find out she dated women.

"Okay." She breathed at last. "Has Nick said anything to you about it?"

"No, not yet."

"Well, maybe he didn't understand what she meant. Or, maybe he's just being discreet." She hypothesised.

"Maybe." Cath hummed, not quite believing it was that easy. "I don't think she's going to give up, Sar."

"We'll deal with it." Sara promised, squeezing her hand. "I'm not letting go of you now."

Catherine smiled, leaning heavily against her shoulder.

"Can I get that in writing?"

X x x

"Hey baby, how was school?" Catherine grinned, leaning down to press a kiss to her daughter's temple.

"It was okay." The girl shrugged, wriggling out of her grasp and dragging Jeremy by the sleeve into the living room, out of earshot of the adults.

Catherine chuckled, turning to her sister, who was lurking in the doorway.

"Thanks for picking her up." She nodded gratefully. "I would have, but I really had to catch up on some housework." She laughed nervously.

Nancy nodded, casting her gaze lazily around the house. It had only just struck her how long it had been since she was last in her own sister's home. Not much had changed, other than a few ornaments had moved or disappeared from sight. If she had to guess, she'd say Emma had moved them and Catherine just hadn't gotten around to putting them back.

"Would you like some coffee?" Cath asked uncertainly, gesturing towards the kitchen.

Nancy considered declining, but had a change of heart and offered a small shrug.

"Why not? I don't think I can tear those two apart just yet anyway." She pointed to the kids, who were huddled together on the couch, whispering conspiratorially to each other.

Catherine smiled.

"It's a long time since I've seen them like that." She mused, sharing a knowing look with Nancy. Neither had really considered what it must have done to Lindsey and Jeremy to suddenly be separated for so long. They may fight like tigers, but they loved each other like siblings and it can't have been easy for them to suddenly lose their other half with no warning.

An awkward silence settled over them as she poured two mugs of coffee out.

"How's things with Sara?" Nancy asked at last, taking a long mouthful to clear her throat.

"Good." Catherine smiled, sitting down at the table. "Great, in fact."

"I don't know why you two couldn't work things out sooner." The nurse sighed. Catherine dropped her head, abashed.

"Yeah, well. We're doing things right this time." She explained. "No more secrets. We're not rushing things."

Nancy snorted, earning her a startled look from her sister.

"Yeah right. How many times have you ended up in the sack since you got back together?"

"Nancy!" Catherine barked, swatting her arm with a tea-towel.

"Well?" Nance quirked an eyebrow, a smile playing on her lips.

"There is more to a relationship than sex, I'll have you know." Cath sat up straighter, taking a long sip of her coffee in an attempt to hide the blush creeping up her face.

They had never shied away from discussing the intimate details of their relationships; but for some reason since she had started dating women, the subject had become almost taboo.

"Alright Miss High-and-Mighty, so where else have you been slowing things down if not in the bedroom?" Nancy pressed, helping herself to an apple from the fruit bowl sat between them.

"Well, we've been talking more." Catherine shifted in her seat. "We both made mistakes last time. We're not going to let that happen again."

"So, it's safe to assume that Emma is out of the picture?"

Catherine pursed her lips. She never could lie to her sister, so she settled for nodding silently.

Lindsey, who had wandered in with Jeremy in search of an afternoon snack, piped up.

"Emma was outside my school today."

Catherine and Nancy snapped their heads around, matching expressions of shock on their faces.

"What?" Cath barked, grabbing Lindsey's shoulder and tugging her closer. "Did she talk to you?"

"No." Lindsey shrugged. "She just sat in her car across the road." Catherine turned to Nancy, her eyes wide and frantic.

"Did _you_ see her?"

"No, but I was running a few minutes late." Nancy admitted. "You don't think…"

"I don't know." Cath sighed, running her hands through her hair. "Linds, take Jeremy upstairs for a few minutes, will you honey?"

"Okay." Lindsey frowned, nodding for the boy to follow her. Emma's presence had surprised her, but she had brushed it off as coincidence. Her school was in a busy area of Las Vegas, after all. However, seeing how spooked it had gotten her mother, she realised she must be missing some vital piece of information.

Once they were alone, Catherine lifted her gaze to her sister. Nancy was watching her with narrowed eyes, waiting for an explanation.

"She came to work this morning." Cath mumbled at last.

"To the lab?"

"Yep. Caused a big scene in the parking lot when I wouldn't give her the time of day."

"Wow." Nancy said unhelpfully. "Does Sara know?"

"Yes." Catherine swallowed. "I told you, no more secrets."

"Huh. So, I suppose she knows that you used to doll yourself up like Elizabeth Taylor, sneak out of your window and use a fake ID to get into nightclubs when you were fourteen?"

Cath pursed her lips. "No secrets concerning the two of us." She amended tactfully.

Nancy bit back a smile, swiftly getting back to the subject at hand.

"So, what are you going to do about it?"

Catherine took a deep breath, exhaling slowly; she rested her elbows on the table, propping herself up.

"I honestly don't know." She answered desolately.

X x x

"Guys! Pipe down!" Grissom hollered, stalking into the room.

The boys dropped their games consoles and stood up, waiting for their assignments. It was rare that the boss was so abrupt, and it meant he'd either had a bad case or he had a monkey on his back called Ecklie. Either way, when he was like this it was always best not to push his buttons.

"What've you got for us boss?" Nick asked.

"You and Sara, DB in Henderson." Gil announced, thrusting the case file into the Texan's hands. "Tell Greg to get a move on and take him too."

Sara put her coffee down and stood up.

"I'll find him."

"I'll meet you at the car." Nick nodded, sharing a knowing look with her. Greggo had picked the wrong shift to be running late.

Warrick couldn't help but notice the unreadable look that passed between Sara and Catherine as the brunette disappeared into the hall, but his curiosity quickly dissipated when Grissom barked his name.

"You and Catherine have a burglary. Be careful – it's a friend of the Sherriff, so be thorough."

"Will do." Rick nodded, snatching his jacket from the back of the couch. "What are you doing?"

"Paperwork." Grissom growled, shuffling out of the room. Ah, Warrick smiled at Catherine in understanding. That explained the bad mood.

X x x

"So, how's things with that guy you were seeing?" Nick asked casually, flicking his eyes over the dead body to Sara. Her hands stilled briefly and she cleared her throat.

"What guy?"

"I was going to ask that." Greg piped up from across the room. "You been holding out on me, Miss Sidle?" He asked cheekily, flashing a sad puppy-dog look.

"No, I …" She paused, recalling her conversation with Catherine this morning and the strawberry-blonde's concerns around what their colleagues could know. "What makes you ask anyway, Nicky?" She challenged coolly.

"I was just curious." He shrugged. "You haven't mentioned it in a while."

"I don't believe I mentioned it at all." She pointed out wryly. "You assumed…"

"Correctly, I believe." He winked, drawing a laugh from the woman.

"Well, since you asked, things are going fine."

"So you have been holding out on me!" Greg squeaked. Sara sent him a coy smile and stood up, brushing the dust off her jeans.

"Why don't I go see what Brass has found out from the neighbours?" She tactfully changed the subject, stalking across the room.

Nick shook his head, chuckling to himself as she sashayed out of the door past a pouting Greg.

"What do you know about this guy?" He asked of Nick once she'd disappeared. "What does he have that I don't?"

Nick laughed, throwing his head back.

"I wouldn't worry about it, boy." He smirked. "And it's actually something you have that they don't..."

X x x

"You've been very quiet." Warrick noted. "Something wrong?"

"No, I'm fine." Catherine shrugged somewhat jadedly.

"You sure?" He put his UV light down and wandered over to where she was busy fingerprinting the doorframe. If there had been any fingerprints there, she'd probably brushed them away in her absent-mindedness.

"Of course." She cast a smile over her shoulder at him. "I've just got some stuff on my mind."

"Yeah, like what?" He probed, leaning against the back of the sofa. She shrugged, turning back to her work at hand and – realising that she'd nearly used half a pot of powder and not even made it past the point of entry – hurriedly moved her kit to a nearby table.

"Is it Lindsey?" Warrick pressed, not satisfied with her half-hearted answers.

"No, Lindsey's okay." She assured him. "As good as teenagers ever are." She added with a small chuckle.

"Okay. Relationship stuff?"

She paused, biting her lower lip nervously. However, when she turned around she had teasing smile on her lips, disguising the concern in her blue eyes.

"Why all the questions?" She queried.

He shrugged nonchalantly, pushing himself off the furniture and ambling over to her.

"No reason." He cocked his head to the side. "You've just been pretty quiet lately. I wanted to make sure everything was okay."

This time the smile she offered was genuine.

"Everything's fine." She assured him. "In fact, I've never been better."

X x x

Nick and Warrick narrowed their eyes suspiciously. As soon as the two women had gotten into the same room, Catherine had practically dragged Sara to the coffee pot and they remained huddled there, heads bent close together.

Curiosity aside, Nick had actually been hoping for a cup of coffee.

"What do you think they're whispering about?" Warrick asked in a hushed tone.

"I don't know." Nick frowned. "I tried to ask Sara about who she was seeing earlier."

"And?"

"She played it cool." He shrugged. "She did admit she was seeing someone though."

"Cath said she was happy, but I didn't get anything more than that." Warrick added.

Across the room, Sara had noticed the boys staring but Catherine remained oblivious as she tugged on her sleeves nervously.

"Cath, relax." Sara assured her, one eye still on the boys. "I can pick her up. It's no problem."

"Thanks." Cath murmured. "I completely forgot I had this deposition today. It shouldn't take too long."

"It's fine, I'm sure Lindsey and I can find something to entertain us for a few hours." She grinned. When Catherine continued to shift uncomfortably, the smile faded. She leant closer and whispered something in Cath's ear before snatching her drink up and wandering out.

Cath waiting a moment longer before offering the curious boys a weak nod and following her out, keeping her head ducked all the way down the hall until she made it to her office.

Sara was already perched on the edge of the desk, waiting for her.

"Alright, we're alone now." She pointed out. "So, what aren't you telling me?" Her inquiring voice was soft, but firm. She knew when she wasn't being told the whole story.

"Emma turned up at Lindsey's school yesterday."

"What!" Sara leapt off the table, her dark eyes wide with concern.

"It's alright, she didn't get out of the car." Cath assured her, moving across the room to wrap her arms around Sara in an attempt to calm both herself and her girlfriend. "I just … I don't know what to do, Sar."

"Don't worry." Sara pressed a kiss to her cheek, letting her lips brush the corner of Cath's. "I'll get there early; keep an eye out for anything suspicious."

"Thank you." Catherine hummed, nestling into the crook of her neck. "I don't know what else I can do."

"I won't let anything happen to her, I promise." Sara murmured against the shell of her ear. "If Emma wants to get to Lindsey, she'll have to go through me."

X x x

Sara scanned the area in search of a familiar face as she leant against her car, waiting for the little blonde to appear.

So far, there was nothing untoward. She had attempted to ask around, see if any other parents remembered seeing Emma's car, but she had come up blank. Apparently these people were too busy on their cell phones and pagers to notice who was hanging around their kid's school.

She made a silent promise to herself that she would never become so self-absorbed that she didn't have time for Lindsey.

Finally a shrill bell sounded and a hoard of teenagers exited the building en mass.

Lindsey was only small so her appearance in the middle of the crowd went unnoticed until she was stood directly in front of Sara with a bright smile.

"Hi." She chirped. "Where's mom?"

"She had something do to at work this afternoon." Sara replied. "So, I thought you and I could hang out for a bit. Anywhere in particular you want to go?"

Lindsey tipped her head to the side, considering her options. She couldn't remember the last time someone had given her the choice of how to spend the day.

"There's a movie on that I'd like to see." She decided at last.

"Okay, no problem." Sara grinned. "I'll leave your mom a message, let her know what time we'll be back." She paused. "I fact, maybe she could meet us for dinner afterwards?"

"Cool." Lindsey grinned, nodding eagerly in agreement.

Sara gestured for her to get in and Lindsey scuttled around the car, throwing the passenger door open. A screech from somewhere down the road drew their attention and a knot suddenly formed in Sara's stomach. The group of people crowding the sidewalk parted, revealing a dark red car tearing down the street.

In the back of her consciousness, Lindsey was aware of Sara yelling something at her; but she remained frozen in place, staring at the car as it hurtled towards her.

Suddenly she was thrown clear across the road, stumbling into the arms of a complete stranger. The car skidded briefly, bouncing off the sidewalk before continuing down the road.

For a few seconds, everything was still as the crowd tried to comprehend what had just happened.

Lindsey screamed, breaking free from the strong grip around her waist and darting across the road, landing on the ground beside a motionless Sara.


	19. I'm not dead

**Apologies for the wait, I have had a super busy weekend. I hope you enjoy :)**

**Building towards the end now **

**x x x x**

If Nancy had been concerned when Lindsey's school phoned her, she was downright scared when she arrived to the sight of two police cars and an ambulance blocking the road.

She flew out of her car, leaving the door wide open, and shoved her way through the amassed crowd.

"She just landed in my arms, I guess the lady pushed her out of the way." A baffled man was explaining to a police officer, running a hand through his hair in bemusement. His face was white with shock, something that did not serve to calm Nancy's nerves.

On the back the ambulance, Lindsey was wrapped in a blanket staring blankly at the scene before her. On the ground a few feet away from Nancy's feet, two paramedics and a blonde-haired police officer were crouched down beside a young brunette woman, frantically trying to revive her.

The detective glanced up and caught sight of Nancy staring in shock. She stood up, casting a final nervous glance down at the injured woman and made her way over.

"Miss Flynn?" She greeted. "My name's Sofia Curtis, I'm a colleague … a friend of Sara's."

Sara.

Nancy's eyes flew back to the ground and her jaw dropped open.

"No!" She shook her head, almost collapsing into Sofia's arms. "What…what happened?"

"She was knocked down by a car; according to witnesses she was trying to get Lindsey out of the way."

"Lindsey," Nancy murmured, snapping her head around. She hurriedly wiped her eyes and moved over to where her niece was perched on the back of the ambulance.

"Hey, you okay honey?" She offered a weak smile, attempting to disguise the fear in her voice.

For the first time since the accident, Lindsey tore her gaze from Sara and lifted her wide, scared blue eyes to Nancy's.

"Is Sara going to die?"

Nancy swallowed around the lump in her throat, sending a helpless look in Sofia's direction and receiving the same in return.

"I don't know, baby." She answered honestly. "I'm going to go over there and see if I can help her though, okay?"

She might not be able to do much, but she was a trained nurse after all and six hands where better than four at a time like this.

Sofia offered Lindsey a comforting smile and jogged after Nancy, catching her by the elbow.

"Hey, I'm sorry to call you under these circumstances but I couldn't get hold of Catherine and the school had your number on file." She explained.

"I don't know why Catherine isn't here." Nancy shrugged, glancing around. "I'll keep trying to get hold of her."

"Thank you." Sofia nodded gratefully, flicking her gaze back to Sara.

One of the paramedics muttered something to the other and scuttled back to the ambulance.

"What's going on?" Nancy asked, instantly switching into work-mode as she knelt down and stroked Sara's hair gently.

"We've got a pulse." The EMT answered sharply. "We need to move her."

X x x

Catherine hated the courthouse. Too many bad memories inside these walls, too many cases lost due to technicalities or jury stupidity.

Case in point: today should have been a simple case. But thanks to some moron on the prosecution's team, a key piece of evidence hadn't been disclosed to the defence. She had been halfway through her testimony when this revelation came up and an emergency recess had been called in order to work out whether this was a case of deceit or idiocy on the prosecution's part. Either way, it didn't look good on them.

Since she wasn't allowed to leave and figuring she had some time to kill, Cath extracted her cell phone from her tight suit pocket and switched it back on to leave a message for Sara and let her know she was going to be later than expected. To her surprise, it was already ringing when she turned it on.

"Nancy." She rolled her eyes. Surely her sister didn't want to have coffee now. She flicked her perfectly-styled hair aside and answered.

"Nance, I'm at work." She began, hoping the message would get through and her sister would leave her alone.

"Cathy, you have to come to the hospital." Nancy rattled urgently. "Something's happened, you have to come now."

Catherine felt a chill run through her blood.

"What?" She breathed. "What's happened?"

"The school called me … you have to get to the hospital, now!" Nancy repeated.

Despite having made a living out of breaking bad news to family members, she wasn't particularly good at it when it came to her own family.

"The school?" Catherine repeated. "Is it Lindsey?"

"Just get here!" Nancy barked, hanging up.

Catherine stared at her phone in shock for several seconds before her instincts finally kicked in. All thought of work long forgotten, she tore through the building and battled her way frantically through the crowd of reporters that were lining the front steps.

X x x

Sofia jumped at the loud crash and glanced down the hall to see Catherine Willows practically leap over the metal trays she had just knocked over.

The detective stood up, ready to catch her when she came skidding down the corridor.

"Where's Lindsey?" The blonde CSI asked breathlessly.

"Lindsey's fine." Sofia assured her. "Your sister's just treating her for shock but she's not injured." She paused, pursing her lips. "Catherine … its Sara."

Cath's whole body went stiff and the short-lived relief that had flooded her features vanished in a heartbeat, replaced by despair as it struck her what Sofia did for a living.

"No." She squeaked, shaking her head in loss.

"She's in surgery, Catherine." Sofia jumped in before the older woman could assume the worst. "She was hit by a car outside the school."

"Surgery?" Catherine repeated weakly. "Is … is she going to be alright?"

"She's got a few broken bones and some internal injuries. She was unconscious for several minutes at the scene."

"Sofia, is she going to be alright?" The look of desperation in her blue eyes was enough to break the detective's heart.

"I don't know." She admitted. "Catherine … why don't you go and see your daughter. I'll come and get you as soon as there's any news, I promise."

Cath nodded dazedly, too numb to argue, and headed off in the direction she was pointed.

Sofia ran a hand through her long hair, dropping back into the cold plastic seat. It was no secret that she despised Catherine for what she had done to Sara; but seeing her now, so scared for the dark-haired woman, she realised just how much the relationship meant to her. There was more than just concern for a friend in those blue eyes; she really did love Sara.

"Come on Sar." She murmured to herself. "You've got too much to lose to stop fighting now."

X x x

He didn't like keeping secrets from the rest of the team, but Sofia had been insistent he not say a word until he had been to the hospital and seen for himself.

Now, as he stared at Sara's bruised, limp body through the glass, he could kind of understand the need for discretion.

Maybe not for Sara's sake, but the person sat beside her certainly didn't look like they could handle a crowd right now.

He cleared his throat, stepping hesitantly into the room.

"Hey."

Catherine looked up, her tired eyes seeking out the source of the husky voice.

"Hey Greg." She offered a ghost of a smile. The young man pushed himself off the doorframe and wandered over, perching carefully on the edge of the bed.

"How's she doing?" He reached out a hand to stroke Sara's arm.

"She's alright, all things considered." Cath sat back in her seat, rolling her stiff neck until it clicked. "The doctor said her internal injuries weren't as bad as they first thought."

"That's good." He nodded, not sure what else to say.

Catherine turned in her seat, cocking her head to the side curiously.

"How did you know she was here?"

"The courthouse called the lab when you disappeared. Then Sofia called me." He explained. "They got a postponement on the case."

"To be honest, the guy could walk for all I care right now." She hummed lazily. "I just want her to be okay."

Greg narrowed his eyes at her. He had never seen her look this exhausted; not even when Nick had been missing.

"Catherine, Sara's a tough woman. Toughest woman I know."

"Yeah, you and me both." Cath choked out a soft laugh. When he continued to stare at her, silently waiting for her to speak again, she sat forward and rested her elbows on the mattress. "Greggy … I love her." She shrugged simply. "I've never felt anything like it before."

He nodded slowly, letting her words register.

"Does she know?" He asked at last, eliciting another dry chuckle from Catherine.

"If she doesn't then she's deaf, dumb and blind."

Greg laughed.

"So, you two are…"

"Yeah." She sighed. "Yeah, we are."

"Well, I'm happy for you." He assured her, placing a friendly hand on her shoulder. "Both of you."

She placed her own hand over his and gave it a grateful squeeze.

After several long minutes of listening to nothing but Sara's rhythmic breathing, Greg stood up and ran a hand through his hair. It was at times like these he missed his spikes; that way it didn't matter how stressed he was he couldn't mess his hair up anymore than it already was.

"I'd better get back to the lab." He sighed. "Grissom's on the warpath because you skipped out on court, so if I'm late again he might just fire me." His attempt at humour washed right over Catherine as she lifted her head, searching his face.

"They don't know?"

"About Sara? No." He shook his head. "Sofia called me, but she asked me not to say anything until I'd seen you." He gestured to the women's conjoined hands on the bed. "I can see why now."

Cath nodded slowly.

"I'm going to have to tell them sooner or later." She realised aloud.

Greg chewed on the inside of his cheek, debating whether his next words would be wise under the circumstances. Deciding to chance it, it patted her shoulder gently.

"You know, I don't think anyone will be too surprised."

"How so?" She lifted her head tiredly.

"Nick and Warrick have a bet on at the moment and I think I just figured out what it is." He smirked, nodding at the two of them again. Catherine laughed softly, shaking her head.

"Thanks Greg." She smiled. "I'll keep that in mind."

He nodded, giving Sara a final affectionate once-over before sloping to the door.

"Hey Greg," Cath called out, her back still to the door. "Out of curiosity, who's winning?"

"As soon as I find out, I'll let you know." He winked at her, pausing in the threshold to survey the scene. "You know, I had a dream like this once. Except we were all on the bed, and I was in the middle." He grinned, ducking into the hall before she could throw anything at him.

Catherine released a deep breath, shaking her head in amusement at her young colleague. One of the things she had missed most when the team had been split up was Greg's sense of humour and warm demeanour. In fact, she'd just missed Greg.

Turning back to the bed, she was surprised to see her girlfriend's dark eyes scanning the room through a sleep-induced haze.

"Hey, welcome back!" She greeted, getting the brunette's attention. Sara blinked at her for a moment before attempting to sit up. She was promptly stopped by a firm hand on her chest.

"Hey, stay still." Cath warned gently. "You were hit by a car. Do you remember?"

"No." Sara murmured, still trying to place her current surroundings.

"Outside Lindsey's school?"

Sara's eyes flashed to her, all of a sudden more alert.

"Lindsey?"

"She's fine." Catherine assured her with a warm smile, letting her free hand caress Sara's cheek tenderly. "Mom's taken her home. She's going to be fine. Thanks to you."

Sara sank back into the cushions, reaching up a shaky hand to grip Cath's where it still lay over her heart.

"It hurts to breathe." She noted weakly.

"You'll be fine." Catherine promised. "You've got a couple of broken ribs from where you hit the side of the car and a dislocated shoulder and fractured collar bone where you landed."

Sara turned her head cautiously, noticing for the first time that her left arm was in a sling. She flicked her eyes up to Catherine, a mischievous sparkle in them despite her obvious exhaustion and pain.

"Do you think Grissom will notice?"

Catherine resisted the urge to swat her on the hip, settling for sending her a playful glare.

"As a matter of fact, that's where I'm going next."

"I guess it's going to be hard to keep this quiet, huh?" Sara murmured, feeling her eyes starting to get heavy again as the effort of talking took its toll on her battered body.

"Well, maybe it's time we let the cat out of the bag." Catherine smiled down at her.

"Shouldn't put cats in bags in the first place." The younger woman pointed out sleepily. "It's cruel."

Catherine laughed, leaning down to press a kiss to her forehead.

"Get some sleep, sweetheart." She mumbled against the grazed skin. "I'll be back to take you home in the morning."

When she pulled back, Sara was already asleep.

She didn't want to leave her girlfriend in this state, but the doctors had assured and reassured her that Sara was going to recover. And she could put it off for as long as humanly possible, but sooner or later she was going to have to talk to Grissom about all of this.

With a reluctant sigh and a sworn declaration from Nancy that she would be the first to know of any changes in Sara's condition, she sloped out of the hospital to bite the proverbial bullet.

X x x

She paused outside Gil's office, taking several deep calming breaths to prepare herself for what was to come.

Straightening up in an attempt to appear composed and in control of her emotions – something she most certainly was not right now – she pushed the door open and strode inside.

"Gil?"

The man was out of his seat in a flash; simultaneously tossing his pen down, taking his glasses off and striding towards her.

"What the hell's going on?" He barked. "I've been trying to get hold of you all afternoon."

"I know, my cell phone was switched off." She began, all resolve she had built up in the hallway shrinking now she was actually faced with his anger.

"I got a phone call from the courthouse wanting to know why you'd disappeared and then Greg tells me you're at the hospital with Sara. What's going on?"

"What else did Greg tell you?" She asked tentatively, peering up at him from beneath her lashes.

"Nothing, just that Sara was going to be okay." She released a relieved breath that she didn't realise she had been holding. It wasn't that she didn't trust Greg, but she knew he would have had to tell them something.

"Catherine, what happened to Sara?" Grissom pressed forcefully. "I called the hospital but they wouldn't tell me anything."

Releasing a sigh, she gestured to the chair behind his desk.

"You might want to sit down. It's a long story."


	20. Lets spend the night together

**Cyber cookies for anyone who knows which episode they first got together in :) **

**x x x x**_  
_

_Catherine tipped her head back, letting her long strawberry-blonde hair tickle the bare skin of her back. She absently reached a hand up to her neck, raking her nails across the soft skin. _

_She had never considered herself to be middle-aged before, but she supposed she was. The way Doctor Malaga had looked at her today made that exponentially clear. She could see him practically redesigning her face as they spoke._

_She supposed she ought to apologise to Nick for being so testy with him all night, but she knew that she wouldn't. He would get over it. _

_She released a tired sigh, dropping her gaze back down to her lap. _

"_You okay?" _

_She started at the soft voice, turning to glance over her shoulder. Sara was leaning against the door, watching her with a concerned look. _

"_I'm fine." Cath shrugged meekly, turning away. _

_It briefly crossed her mind that she was topless, her shirt lying discarded beside her on the bench; and in her current state of self-consciousness you'd think she would be eager to cover herself up but right now she didn't care. After all, it was Sara. This woman was the least likely person to judge her. _

_She felt rather than heard the young brunette approach and sit down carefully behind her on the bench. _

"_Tough case?" Sara queried softly. _

"_I guess." Catherine shrugged again. "It was … draining." She decided at last. _

_Sara nodded in understanding. Lord knows, she herself had spent enough long hours sitting in this very spot trying to drum up the energy just to drive home. _

"_You want to go for a drink?" She offered after a few minutes of silence. _

_Cath cocked her head to the side, considering the offer. _

_Did she want a drink? Hell yeah.  
It suddenly dawned on her that she hadn't eaten in several hours. She turned, finding herself staring into Sara's deep, hazel eyes. She had always thought Sara had very pretty eyes.  
_

"_You know, I would like a drink." She hummed. "But how about we make it a bottle of wine over dinner?"_

X x x

She had looked back on that morning several times over that last few months. She still didn't know what had made her ask Sara to dinner that day; it could have been the fact that Sara was the only person who didn't make her feel insecure, or the fact that she was feeling jaded and needed a friendly ear.  
It could have just been a side-effect of staring into those beautiful, warm eyes.

Shaking herself out of her reverie, she realised that Grissom was staring at her expectantly.

"What went wrong?" He repeated slowly, sitting back in his chair. Catherine released a breath.

"Everything." She sighed. "We … I … it doesn't matter right now." She frowned, shaking her head. "We did break up but we're back together now. And I just thought you should know."

"Yeah." Grissom scoffed, rolling his eyes at her. "You told me because you wanted to; not because you knew I'd find out anyway."

Cath smiled guiltily. "Well, can you blame me?" She challenged softly.

He took a deep breath, scrutinising her through narrowed eyes for a moment before answering.

"No. No, I don't blame you."

Catherine had known Gil Grissom long enough to recognise when there was another dimension to what he was saying. She also knew that Gil had always had eyes for Sara, even if he'd never act on his feelings. It must be hard on him to learn that any chance he might have once had was long gone.

"I'll take good care of her." She assured him gently. It was a small consolation, she was sure, but it was all she could offer. He looked up from his own thoughts and smiled weakly.

"I know." He nodded briefly. "I wouldn't expect any less."

X x x

Sofia was just on her way out when she cast a lazy glance down the hallway and spotted Catherine slinking out of Grissom's office.

"Hey Catherine!" She hollered, jogging across reception to catch her up. "How's she doing?"

"Oh, she's alright." Cath nodded, taking the detective by the elbow and guiding her to a quiet side of the hallway, away from prying eyes. "I'll be picking her up in the morning."

"Good." Sofia breathed a sigh of relief. "She was very lucky."

Catherine shifted uncomfortably. She didn't feel threatened by Sofia anymore, but it still felt odd talking with her after their previous hostility towards one another regarding Sara's welfare.

"Is there any news on the car that hit her?" She asked, deliberately shifting the topic of conversation.

"Several witnesses got bits of the licence plate; we're piecing it together now." The blonde officer assured her. "I don't suppose Sara got a look at the driver?"

"No, I think she was too busy looking at Lindsey." Cath sighed, running a hand through her hair.

"Well, most of the witnesses seem in agreement that it was a woman." Sofia added. "But until I get a consistent description I can't publish any details. I'll let you know."

As she started to walk away, something suddenly occurred to Catherine. It was so obvious, she couldn't believe it hadn't crossed her mind sooner.

"Sofia!" She hollered, waiting for the woman to turn around. "I might be able to help with that description."

X x x

"Hey lady." Catherine crooned, observing her girlfriend from the threshold. Sara turned to her with bright, hopeful eyes.

"Are you here to take me home?" She pleaded.

Catherine laughed, sauntering into the room.

"Hold your horses, girl." She grinned, hopping onto the edge of the bed. "You're not going anywhere until the doctor gives you the all clear."

Sara slumped back into the cushions, blowing a strand of hair out of her eyes petulantly.

"I hate hospitals." She sulked.

"I know you do, baby." Cath smiled sympathetically, reaching out to submerge a hand in her dark locks. "You'll be home soon."

That brought a smile back to Sara's face and she shuffled further upright, holding her arm delicately against her chest.

"So, how did they take it?" She asked, idly tracing patterns on the inside of Catherine's wrist.

Cath scowled, shaking her head in confusion.

"Who?"

Sara gave her a dubious look.

"The boys. You've just come from the lab, right?" She pressed. "What did they say?"

Catherine pursed her lips, nodding slowly.

"Well, I only saw Grissom." She admitted. "He was … it was awkward, but he was alright."

"That's good." Sara murmured. She wasn't blind; she knew the news would hurt Grissom more than anyone else and she truly cared about the man; she never wanted to cause him distress.

"And judging by the looks I was getting from the boys all night, I'm guessing they know too." Catherine continued with a small chuckle.

Sara fell silent for a few seconds, tipping her head back against the headboard.

"Well, if they haven't descended on the hospital with pitchforks, I'm guessing they're okay with it." She mumbled at last.

Catherine laughed jovially, leaning forward to press a chaste kiss to Sara's lips.

"I'll go find a doctor, see if we can bust you out of here."

X x x

"I mean, I'm happy for them and everything-" Nick mumbled around a mouthful of toast. "But I don't understand how it happened."

"Catherine said that it was around the time Lindsey started hitchhiking." Grissom answered, sticking his fork into a piece of bacon and staring at it for a long moment before deciding that he wasn't hungry and pushing his plate aside.

"Yeah, I know. But … how?" Nick continued. "I mean, I thought they were both straight, so…"

"I didn't." Greg interrupted with a mischievous grin.

"What happens in your twisted dreams doesn't count, bro." Warrick ribbed, swatting him on the arm and drawing a chuckle from the group.

The dark-skinned man sat forward, fixing Nicky with a quirked eyebrow.

"I don't understand why you're so confused; you already believed they were together."

"Yeah, but I hadn't really given it a lot of thought." The Texan paused, his eyes widening in realisation. "Speaking of, you owe me a bill!"

Brass chuckled, taking a long mouthful of his tepid coffee.

"You know, I knew something was different about Catherine recently." He mused. "I just couldn't put my finger on it."

"Do you think it'll work out between them?" Nick cocked his head to the side at the detective. "I mean, they've broken up once before now."

"Well Cath looked pretty torn up at the hospital." Greg jumped in again. "I don't think she'll let Sara go that easily this time."

"Sara needs someone like Catherine to show her what love really is. Nobody's ever loved her like Cath does." Grissom hummed quietly, stilling the chatter. "And Catherine needs Sara to keep her grounded and make her feel safe." He lifted his gaze and offered Nick a coy sort of smile. "In a strange little way, I suppose they're just right for each other."

The team fell quiet, absorbing this unexpected emotional insight from their usually impenetrable boss.

Eventually Warrick cleared his throat and straightened up.

"I guess, if you think about it, whenever one of them has been upset or angry about anything then the other was usually either the cause or the solution."

Nick started laughing to himself, pointing at Grissom with his fork.

"You remember when you had Sara check out that skip, and she fell in and nearly cracked her head on the side? Cath nearly tore you a new one for that!"

"I remember." Gil nodded, rolling his eyes. He didn't like to admit that Catherine scared him sometimes. If anyone could kill him and cover it up, he could trust her to do it.

"Was that before or after they hooked up?" Warrick asked.

"Before." Brass replied. "That was around the same time as all the business with Sam Braun and the cocktail waitress."

"Oh yeah, 'cause Cath was really testy and no one dare cross her for weeks."

"No one except Sara." Greg pointed out. "She was never scared of Cat."

Everyone considered this for a minute before Nick sat forward, resting his elbows on the table.

"Have we just been really blind all these years?"

"Yes." Brass replied instantly, taking a long slurp of his coffee and earning him a genial laugh from the rest of the team.

X x x

"Take it easy, honey." Cath warned, gripping Sara's good arm to help her out of the car.

"I'm fine, I'm not made of glass." Sara pointed out with a half-smile as she jumped out and snatched her bag from the seat.

"Well get used to it." Catherine warned, regaining her grip on Sara's wrist and guiding her to the house. "Because I'm not letting you out of my sight." She sent her girlfriend a sideways glance. "It seems every time I do you come back in bandages."

Sara smiled.

"It's a character flaw."

Inside, Catherine set about making food and drinks while Sara contented herself with watching quietly from the kitchen table as her girlfriend sashayed around the kitchen.

"What are you hiding?" She asked calmly at last. Catherine froze, turning slowly to face her with an inquisitive smile.

"What do you mean?"

"Come on Cat," Sara gave her a look. "I know when you're not telling me everything."

Catherine grinned bashfully, sliding into a seat beside her.

"You always could read me like a book."

"And you're changing the subject." Sara pointed out. "What's wrong?"

"Sofia's still looking into the car accident ... but I may know who was involved."

"Who?"

Cath dropped her head and lifted her eyes, staring at Sara from beneath her long lashes until it registered on the brunette's face.

"No, you don't really think Emma would go that far?" Sara frowned. "I mean, I know she didn't like me, but…"

"Yeah, but she wasn't aiming for you. She was heading for Lindsey." Catherine stated softly. "Because of me."

Sara reached across the table with her right hand, intertwining their fingers together.

"Let's wait and see what Sofia has to say." She reasoned. "Lindsey's safe, that's the important thing."

"Yeah." Catherine sniffed. "But I nearly lost you again."

Sara pushed herself carefully off her chair and slid into Catherine's lap, pressing a kiss to her temple.

"I'm fine." She assured her for the hundredth time. "Lindsey's fine. And one day we will be able to look back on all of this as a bad dream."

"Yeah." Cath sighed, nestling into the crook of her neck and inhaling the sweet scent of her moisturiser. "Well, I'm ready to wake up now. As long as you'll still be there."

Sara smiled, allowing the older woman to hold her.

"Always."


	21. You found me

**Hey guys :) Only one more chapter to go! Thank you to everyone who's been reading and reviewing, and apologies for making you wait for this update **

**Incidently, there are two songs mentioned in this chapter. I would recommend them both if you haven't heard them. The first is by Bonnie Tyler and the second by Kelly Clarkson :)  
**

**x x x x**

"So, how is your lady friend?" Lily asked after a long silence, lazily stirring too many sugars into her coffee.

Catherine sent her an odd look. She had been suspicious as to her mother's motives for inviting her out for lunch, but she hadn't thought it would be about this. Truth be told, Lily had said so little on their relationship; she was beginning to think she'd forgotten about it.

"Sara?" She clarified. "She's fine. I mean, she's still in a bit of pain but she's doing okay."

"I'm sure Nancy could get her something for the pain." Lily pointed out.

"She's alright." Cath shook her head. "She's not keen on taking medication anyway. I practically have to mash it into her food to get it into her." She chuckled softly, taking a sip of her coffee and darting her tongue out to lick the foam off her top lip.

Lily cocked her head to the side, scrutinising her eldest child for a moment.

"You're happy, aren't you?"

"Happy?" Catherine repeated, frowning in bemusement. "Yeah, I guess I am. Why?"

"Cathy, I …" The older woman paused, stuttering over her words. She laughed nervously, reaching across the table to interlock their hands. "Honey, I admit I wasn't exactly thrilled when you told me you were dating a woman. And I certainly didn't like Emma." She scrunched her nose up to further highlight her antipathy. "I know we haven't really talked about it, but I can see that Sara makes you happy. And Lindsey loves her."

"And…" Cath pressed, knowing her mother well enough to know when there was more to come. To her surprise, Lily merely shrugged.

"And that's enough for me."

Catherine straightened up, taken aback.

"Oh." She said softly. "Thank you."

Lily, content that she had said all she needed to, shrugged again and sunk her fork into the slice of cake sitting between them.

Catherine stared at her for a moment longer before a satisfied smile crept across her face and she nodded gratefully.

X x x

Catherine spun on her heel at the sound of her name being hollered and did a double take at the sight of Sofia weaving hurriedly through reception to get to her.

"Hi." She greeted. "What's up?"

"Your ex." Sofia stated bluntly, thrusting a print out into Cath's hands. It was a still CCTV image of Emma sat in her car at a set of traffic lights.

Drinking.

Catherine's face darkened. "It was her." She stated softly, shaking her head. She had suspected as much, but in all honesty she hadn't allowed herself to think about it too much. Instead, she had focussed on taking care of Sara.

"She doesn't take rejection well, does she?" Sofia queried, cocking her head to the side at Catherine's frown.

"No." The CSI shook her head absently, still staring at the blurred face looking up at her. The face of the woman who had nearly killed her daughter and her girlfriend. "I'm going to kill her." She muttered under her breath, her grip tightening subconsciously around the photo.

"Don't bother." Sofia breathed. "I've spent all day trying to find her and guess where she was?"

Cath shrugged so the detective produced a second piece of paper. Catherine didn't have her glasses on but she could read the title at the top easy enough.

"Reno PD."

"Drunk and disorderly." Sofia nodded. "She threw her beer bottle at a cop. When I called them they agreed to send her back to us as soon as she's sobered up."

"How drunk was she?" Cath asked but quickly held her hands up. "Actually don't tell me, I don't want to know."

"Well, you might want to know this." Sofia caught her by the sleeve before she could walk away. "I don't know what they'll charge her with yet, but either way it was enough for a restraining order." She explained. "I can't promise she won't try to contact you again, but if she does we can throw her ass straight back in jail."

Catherine smiled, remembering her mother's words from earlier.

"That's enough for me." She nodded abruptly. "Sofia, do me a favour; call me when she gets here."

X x x

"Evening guys." She breezed into the locker room, a lighter air to her step with Sofia's news still in the front of her mind.

The men turned in unison at her arrival, matching grins spreading across their faces. This was the first opportunity they had had to interrogate the blonde after her little revelation.

"Catherine." Nick nodded, sidling around the bench to hover unsubtly beside her locker. "So, how's Sara doing?"

"She's alright." Cath shrugged out of her jacket, hanging it up in the locker. "She's being her usual stubborn self, refusing to admit when she needs help."

"Uh huh." The Texan nodded, sending Warrick and Greg sly glances. "And, uh, I suppose you know just how to make her behave."

Catherine paused, a look of realisation crossing her features. She turned, flashing Nick a flirtatious smile.

"Now, now Nicky," she crooned. "You wouldn't be fishing for information, would you?"

He grinned guiltily, offering a meek shrug.

"Well, don't keep us in suspense." He gestured to the other guys lurking expectantly on the opposite side of the room.

"Yeah, why all the secrecy?" Warrick asked curiously, straddling the bench.

She shrugged, leaning against the locker and casting her gaze languidly to the ceiling.

"I don't know, we just weren't ready for everyone to find out yet." She sighed at last. "It's not the sort of thing you'd normally broadcast, you know?"

"Hell, I'm all for it!" Greg grinned. "I've been picturing this for years."

Catherine burst out laughing, her cheeks flushing pink at the thought of what Greg might have been imagining.

"Me too." Nick added. "No, I mean … I haven't been picturing it." He quickly corrected, his cheeks turning the same colour as Cath's. "I mean, I'm happy for you guys."

"Yeah, we all are." Warrick assured her. "You two suit each other."

"Thank you." She smiled timidly. "I think we do, too."

Collecting her things, she followed them into the corridor en route to the break room.

Halfway down the hall, Greg appeared shoulder-to-shoulder with her wearing a mischievous grin.

"Throw me a bone. Is Sara as good in bed as I'm thinking?"

Catherine laughed jovially.

"Oh Greggy," she said sweetly. "Even your twisted little mind couldn't handle Sara in bed."

X x x

"I talked to mom yesterday." Catherine mentioned casually.

"I know, she phoned me last night." Nancy hummed. "FYI, where was my invite?"

"You were working." Cath explained, although she knew her little sis was only teasing. She ran a nervous hand through her hair, biting her lower lip. "She's really come around to the idea of me and Sara."

"Good." Nancy agreed, barely listening as she flicked through a fashion magazine.

"Have you?"

When her sister didn't answer, Cath nudged a newspaper against her hand, getting her attention.

"Hmm?" The nurse lifted her head, quirking an eyebrow.

"Have you come to terms with me and Sara?" She repeated slowly.

"I never had a problem with you and Sara."

Catherine pulled a face.

"Liar."

Nancy flicked her eyes over the top of the magazine, a small smile twitching at her lips.

"Alright, so initially I didn't like it." She acknowledged truthfully. "But I like Sara. And I would certainly take her over that psycho any day."

"Yeah, well. Me too." Cath admitted. "As much as it pains me to say this, you were right."

This time Nancy put her magazine aside and fixed her sibling with a curious look.

"I'm sorry, I didn't catch that. What did you say?"

Catherine stuck her tongue out playfully at the smug look she was receiving.

"I said you were right." She repeated. "I date people who control me and use me because … I don't really know why."

"I do." Nancy retorted coolly, earning her a warning glare. Cath wasn't in the mood for more delightful psychological profiling from her sister.

"Anyway, the point is I'm happy with Sara and I'm not going to lose it again."

"Lose what?" Sara asked, sashaying down the stairs. Cath twisted in her chair, flashing her girlfriend a bright smile.

"Nothing, baby." She mumbled. "I thought you were asleep."

"I was." Sara attempted to stretch and frowned at her sling when it refused to give. Seeing her irritation, Catherine stood up and walked over to her, pressing a kiss to her lips.

"You hungry?" She asked sweetly. "I can make you something to eat."

"No, I'm okay." Sara assured her, raising her good hand in greeting to Nancy. "I thought I might go for a walk. My muscles have seized up."

"Okay, well be careful." Cath warned, giving her another chaste kiss and waiting until Sara disappeared out of the front door before sidling back to her chair.

"You sicken me." Nancy hummed idly, having gone back to her reading. Catherine frowned, waiting for an explanation. "No matter how much you mess up, you always land on your feet."

"Not always." Cath pointed, taking a long mouthful of her coffee. "I have made some colossal mistakes."

"I know." Nancy agreed. "Like leaving Brad for Eddie. Or, like marrying Eddie despite everyone telling you not to."

"Alright, point taken." Cath rolled her eyes.

"Stripping." The younger Flynn continued. "Drugs. Marrying Eddie…?"

"Alright!" Catherine snapped. "I get it."

"Mom never got over that." Nancy added, softening her voice. "She did everything to stop you from going off the rails and you cut her out of your life all together."

"Yeah, well." Cath dropped her gaze into her lap shamefully. "I was a different person back then."

Nancy cocked her head to the side.

"Yeah, you were." She agreed. "I've got to admit Sara's had one hell of an effect on you."

Catherine looked up, a soft smile on her face.

"I love her." She shrugged helplessly. "I can't risk losing her again, so we're doing things right this time; we talk things out."

"Things?" Nancy enquired.

"You know, problems we're having. Or, tough cases. Anything that's bothering us."

"Huh." She nodded, letting the topic drop and snatching her magazine back up. "Sara never struck me as the talkative type."

X x x

By the time Sara returned Nancy had left and Catherine was making a half-assed effort to tidy the lounge. However, she quickly abandoned the task when she heard the front door open.

"Hey." She beamed, walking up to Sara to wrap her arms around the brunette's neck and press a firm kiss to her lips.

"Hi." Sara frowned. "What was that for?"

"Nothing." Cath grinned. "I just love you."

"Oh." Sara hummed. "Good. I love you too."

Catherine's felt her heart swell. Although Sara was very good at showing displays of affection – flowers for no apparent reason and gentle caresses and kisses without expecting it to lead anywhere – it was rare to actually hear those words uttered by her.

Their touching moment was interrupted by the front door slamming and angry footsteps stomping to the stairs.

"Whoa, hold it missy." Catherine barked, releasing Sara and moving to block Lindsey's path. "What's wrong with you?"

"Nothing." The child sulked, bypassing the women and skulking to the couch instead.

"Lindsey?" Cath pushed, raising an eyebrow.

"It's nothing!" Linds threw her hands up dramatically before sinking into the cushions and folding her arms petulantly. "I don't want to talk about it!"

The adults shared a small smile and Cath elected to start dinner since she wasn't going to get an answer anytime soon. Alone with the teenager, Sara perched carefully on the coffee table.

"What's wrong Honeybee?" She asked softly. Lindsey glowered silently at her, shaking her head sullenly to indicate that even the brunette wasn't going to get a response this time.

A furtive smile twitched at Sara's lips as she reached into her pocket and produced her iPod, offering it to the puzzled child.

"There are nearly 2000 songs on there. If you can't tell me what's wrong, show me."

Understanding, Lindsey snatched it up and began filtering through the list until she settled on a song. She placed the device on Sara's leg and, grabbing her bag from its discarded spot on the floor, stomped upstairs.

Catherine, who had been watching from the kitchen door with a warm smile, ambled over and perched on the edge of the couch.

"Should I be worried?"

Sara turned the iPod around to show Cath the song her daughter had picked.

"'_Heartache'_" Cath read, shaking her head. "Ah, to be a teenager again." She smiled wistfully.

"At least her taste is improving." Sara pointed out.

An idea struck Catherine and with a coy look she handed the iPod purposefully back to its owner. Recognising the expression on her girlfriend's face, Sara frowned.

"What?" She asked nervously.

"I realised something today." The older woman began. "When we got back together we swore we would talk about the things that bothered us. Now, we've pretty much established all of my issues; but we haven't really touched on yours."

"My issues?" Sara repeated, slightly bemused.

"Sar, I know what your parents did to you." Catherine stated bluntly, watching as surprise and concern flooded Sara's features. "I don't care about the scars, or the bad dreams or anything else that they left behind."

"I know that." Sara mumbled bashfully, staring into her lap.

"Good." Cath smiled, folding Sara's fingers around the iPod. "I know it's hard for you to be upfront about it. So, show me."

She pressed a kiss to her temple and wandered back to the kitchen, leaving Sara to consider the suggestion.

It was something she used to do with her brother, before they grew apart. If one was feeling low, they would play a certain song so that the other would know to try and cheer them up.

But the thought of using that little game in order to communicate her feelings to Catherine had never crossed her mind until now.

She stared at it in thought for several minutes, before taking the screen back to the main menu and starting at the top of the list.

X x x

Sara had always liked to watch Catherine cook. She moved like a dancer when she cooked, even if she didn't realise she was doing it.

Quietly, so as not to alert the blonde to her presence, Sara crept closer and placed the iPod on the counter, before slipping back out just as stealthily.

When Catherine turned around she blinked at it, turning full circle and finding only an empty kitchen.

Putting the pan down and wiping her hands on her jeans, she picked it up and looked at the song that was playing.

Three little words flashed across the screen that told her everything she needed to know about Sara's feelings for her.

_You found me_


	22. At the beginning

**Alas, this is the end. Hope you've all enjoyed reading it as much as I've enjoyed writing it :) Thank you to everyone who read and reviewed!**

**I'll have something new up very soon, possibly something a little different, so keep an eye out for it :P**

**And until then, enjoy! :) xx**

**x x x x**

Catherine took a deep, shaky breath; mentally preparing herself for what was to come. She didn't even know why she was doing this to herself; she should just walk away. But she couldn't. This was just something she needed to do.

Sofia must have noticed her inner turmoil because the detective placed a comforting hand on her shoulder, snapping her out of her reverie. Cath turned, blinking in surprise at the concerned blue eyes staring back at her.

"Are you sure you want to do this?" Sofia asked softly.

"No." Catherine breathed truthfully, emitting a nervous laugh. "But I need to do it." She turned back to the window, locking eyes with the blonde-haired woman sitting at the table in the next room.

She knew that Emma couldn't see her, but the other woman's blank stare was still enough to turn her insides to knots.

With a final supporting nod from Sofia, she made her way to the door but paused before going in.

"Aren't you coming?" She asked, her voice belaying the fear residing in the pit of her stomach.

"Do you want me to?" Sofia queried, already moving to follow her.

Cath flicked her eyes briefly to the door again before nodding eagerly.

Emma snapped her gaze away from the wall at the entrance of the two women and her lips spread into a sneer at the sight of her ex.

"Aw, did you miss me already?" She drawled condescendingly. Before Catherine could fumble for an answer Sofia slapped her case file onto the table, eliciting a wince from the suspect; confirming that she was still feeling the effects of her bender.

"We're here to talk about Sara Sidle." She snapped, sliding into a seat. Emma's face fell and she slumped back into a chair, a pained scowl marring her features.

"Of course we are." She rolled her eyes. "It's always about Sara."

"She's fine, in case you were wondering." Sofia continued coldly. "No thanks to you."

Emma, already bored with the detective, turned her attention back to Catherine. The CSI had chosen to linger by the door and visibly flinched when Emma lay her cold green eyes on her.

"How are you, Cat?" She asked, straightening up. "Nice to see your bruise has healed. It looked painful."

Catherine tugged on her sleeves subconsciously, vividly recalling their last argument.

"I…We're not here to talk about me." She stuttered, swallowing hard. She hated herself for it, but something about this woman made her feel like a helpless little girl.

"Your car was seen in the vicinity of J.D. Smith Middle School at the same time as Sara was mowed down outside it." Sofia cut in, desperate to sever the connection between them.

Emma, ignoring the comment, continued to stare at Catherine with an evil smirk.

"How is that gorgeous little girl of yours?" She sneered.

"You leave Lindsey out of this." Cath growled, taking a threatening step closer. "Don't even talk about her..."

"Catherine." Sofia warned, waiting for the CSI to back off. "Look, we have enough evidence to convict you. We don't need to do this." She stood up, gathering her notes as she went, but Catherine wasn't ready to leave it at that yet.

"You know something, you can't control me anymore." She spat, daring to get close enough to rest her hands on the table sitting between herself and Emma. "Sara and I are staying together. Lindsey and I are happy. And nothing you can do is going to change that."

"Oh yeah?" Emma retorted, leaning across the table. Catherine resisted the urge to pull away, determined to hold her gaze. She was close enough to smell the lingering alcohol on Emma's breath. "I'm going to make sure you and Sara are never happy. No matter where you go, what you do ... I'm always going to be hanging over you."

Catherine swallowed hard, her whole body starting to shake. Sensing that her strong resolve was starting to break, Sofia stood up and placed a firm hand on the older woman's shoulder.

"Well good luck with that." She said to Emma sardonically. "You'll have plenty of time to think about their relationship in jail."

She forcibly marched Catherine out of the room, leaving Emma to stew in her forbidding situation alone.

Outside the room, Catherine shrugged Sofia off and began to pace.

"Damnit!" She snarled, balling her fists at her side. "I just wanted to tell her how little she means to me anymore, to show her that I'd moved on!"

"Catherine, it doesn't matter." Sofia assured her, trying and failing to catch the fired-up strawberry-blonde.

"I hate her!" Cath fumed. "I wanted to be able to tell her once and for all how I felt about her and put it behind me!"

"You can put it behind you." Sofia insisted, finally grabbing her flailing arm. "She's going far away from you and Sara."

"Yeah, sure." Catherine huffed, her nostrils flaring. She caught sight of Emma through the glass. The woman was still smirking, evidently aware that she was still being watched.

"Catherine, I've gotten to know Sara a lot better in the last year." Sofia softened her voice, perching on the edge of the table. "And if there's one thing that she has made clear to me it's that she loves you and Lindsey more than the world."

For the first time, Catherine stopped moving.

"Yeah." She said softly. "Yeah, she does."

X x x

If Sara had been expecting a barrage of questions from the boys upon her return, she was granted a grateful reprieve.

Her first night back was fight night. Too much work, not enough CSIs and no time for idle chat.

Sara once again sent a silent prayer to the skies when Nick poked his head into the lab to bark a brief update in her direction before scuttling off again.

She turned back to the screen and began tapping at the keys for a few seconds before a pair of hands covered her eyes and a husky voice appeared inches from her ear.

"Hi there." Cath crooned, pressing a kiss to her cheek.

"Hey." Sara leant back, staring up at her with a tired smile.

With Lindsey at a sleepover and Catherine working a double the night before they hadn't seen each other in hours. They had planned to meet for a late lunch but Cath had cancelled, citing important business; although she had been very secretive about her reason to go into work early. Sara had chosen not to question it. Catherine would tell her when she was ready – that was their deal, after all.

"How are you doing?" Cath asked, leaning against the back of the chair to rest her chin on the top of Sara's head.

"Busy." Sara mumbled absently. Since she could only type with one hand, it took her twice as long to search for anything. "Nick's just gone to chase up the vehicle."

"Good." Catherine nodded, dragging a lazy hand across the back of Sara's shoulders as she straightened up and made to leave. "Keep me up to date."

She paused, glancing at her watch. With a sly smile, she stooped down and draped an arm around Sara's neck. "Oh, and happy birthday sweetheart."

She pressed a kiss to her cheek and released her, sashaying to the door while Sara blinked at her in surprise.

"What?" She shrugged, flashing her a bright grin. "You didn't think I'd forgotten now, did you?"

Sara chuckled, shaking her head. "Thought? No." She mumbled to herself. "Hoped, maybe."

X x x

"Greg!" Sara whined pitifully as he tugged her by the elbow into the bar. "I want to go home!"

"One drink." He insisted, ignoring her pleas.

Sara suspected Greg had only brought her here to loosen her tongue with regards to her relationship and she really wasn't in the mood. She just wanted to go home and spend some time with her girlfriend, who she still hadn't seen properly in hours.

As much as she had intended to keep her birthday a secret, she was looking forward to seeing what Catherine had planned for her.

She couldn't believe how much she was craving the woman's touch right now.

"I can't drink." She pointed out, gesturing to her broken arm. "I'm still on codeine."

"Then you can watch me drink." The young man grinned, nudging her less-than gently towards the bar.

"Yay." She drawled sarcastically, rolling her eyes. As she leant against the bar, waiting for Greg to order, she felt a pair of warm hands on her hips and hot breath against her ear.

"Surprise."

She jumped in full circle, coming face to face with the cocky grin of Catherine Willows.

"Hi." Sara breathed, not sure what else to say. Over Cath's shoulder she caught sight of the boys and Sofia smirking at her from a table, but her attention was quickly diverted as Catherine pressed a firm kiss to her lips.

"Yeah!" They heard Nick exclaim, while Greg spluttered on his beer nearby.

"Happy birthday." Catherine repeated brightly, taking Sara's hand and tugging her to the table; trailed by Greggo, who was now sporting a goofy grin.

"That's what this is about?" Sara asked indreculously. "What's with all the espionage?"

"Because if I told you, I knew you wouldn't have come." Cath pointed out as they slid into the booth. "Besides, Greg was so excited when he found out about it."

Sara smiled at her best friend, shaking her head in amusement.

Nick nudged Warrick playfully in the ribs and held out his empty beer bottle.

"You lost. Your round." He hiccupped.

"Lost what?" Sofia asked curiously, although the rest of the team had already hazarded a guess.

"We made a bet on whether or not Cat would kiss Sara when she first walked in." Nick grinned. "And I won."

"Hey Rick," Brass added, holding out his empty glass. "While you're up."

Warrick rolled his eyes and sloped off to the bar, although not before sending Sara a friendly wink as Catherine absently doodled patterns on the inside of her wrist.

"Did you know about the bet?" Grissom asked of Catherine, raising a knowing eyebrow.

"I might have." She shrugged, sending the group a coy smile before taking a sip of her drink.

"So, Miss Sidle." Nick leant back in his seat, folding his hands over his stomach. "We haven't had a chance to ask about you bedding our supervisor."

Sara nearly choked on her drink, to a chorus of amusement.

"Really?" She spluttered. "Well what would you like to know, Nick?"

Surprised by her confidence at the private question, a blush crept up Nick's cheeks as his mind instantly fell into the gutter.

"I know what I want to know." Greg grinned, proving that his brain had already been residing there.

"Don't you dare." Catherine warned, quirking an eyebrow at him. "She won't tell you anyway."

"How do you know?" Brass asked, attempting to hide his joy at the look that passed between the women. He had known them both long enough to recognise the obvious change in them. This was more than just a fling.

"Because she knows what will happen to her if she does." Cath teased, earning a playful smile from Sara.

"Is that a challenge?" The brunette retorted.

Finishing the last of her drink, Catherine stood up and leant down to press a kiss to her cheek.

"You just try it, honey." She ribbed before going to join Warrick at the bar. Sensing her opportunity, Sofia left the men to torment Sara some more and followed after her.

"Hey Cath." She called, producing a case file from her handbag. "I thought you might want to see this."

Catherine opened the thin folder and came face to face with a small photo of Emma paper-clipped to a document.

"She confessed." Cat read softly, scanning the notes.

"No trial. No evidence." Sofia surmised. "It's over Catherine. She's going to be a long way from you."

Warrick, en route back to the table with an armful of drinks, leant over her shoulder and glanced at the photo.

"Who's that?" He asked curiously.

"She's no one." Cath murmured, briefly catching Sofia's eye before flicking her gaze across the room to where Sara was leaning against Nick's shoulder, laughing happily with her friends. "Not anymore."

**_~Fin~_**


End file.
